A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am confused.ive been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. He is still married but seperated and has kids.I love him but we have alot of money problems and we argue alot. I also think he still gets together with his wife and im not sure i can live with that. Why does he still want to be "with" his wife? im not sure what to do...i want us to last.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Dear Poster
I agree with "rhythmandblues 2"; it is not advisable to get involved in a serious relationship with a man that is not divorced yet.
Yes, it is possible that he is not ready to move forward and won't be able to commit and give you what you want and need from a relationship.
I suggest you do some "stock taking" on this situation; don't waste time and effort waiting for him; you deserve somebody that is committed to you;
I think you should consider what this relationship and man is offering you; and be honest; why you are putting up with this kind of behavior and treatment?
Remember, love is not enough to make a relationship work or last.
I suggest you distance yourself from him for a while; do your "stock taking" and also give him time to sort out his life.
Maybe he is trying to work things out with his wife but does not want to tell you in case things with her don't work out then he has got you waiting. No, don't waste your time and life.
Be very careful, I would hate to see you getting more involved and getting hurt. I have seen this happening to so many people involved with guys that are separated, but never get to divorce.
Has he filed for a divorce yet?
I suggest you tell him that you might consider a serious relationship with him once he is divorced; untill then get out there and meet other people.
Make a list of priorities of what you are looking for in a partner and in a relationship and keep that in mind.
Good luck and best wishes. Lots of SMILES.
A
male
reader, Bronze  +, writes (14 September 2008):
You obviously have strong feelings for this man. However, you have to consider the possibility that this relationship is not be meant to be. The red flags are there: he's considering getting back with his wife, you're having money issues with him (possibly a contributor to his current separation), and you argue quite a bit.
This whole situation seems to be volatile and if you keep pushing the issue, you may end up getting hurt. You may want to consider taking a break in order to give him time to get his affairs in order or, as painful as it might be, consider ending it and moving on. Otherwise you may be setting yourself up for dealing with a lot more grief than you'd like to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Really not a great idea to get involved with a seperated man, he is going through a lot, hasn't divorced his wife yet, and you are the salve for his bruised ego more than likely. He needs a lot of time to heal if he and his wife had made the decision to divorce, he has a lot to deal with right now including his children to deal with....you are going to be back burner for quite awhile.
It sounds to me that you are not happy with this situation, and why should you be? You have to make that list of the things YOU want in a relationship, there will be at least three non negotiables, and that means you don't settle for less than what you want on those, the rest of your list if you have about 80% of it with a man, then he is a keeper.
I would not like him wanting to be "with" his wife either, chances are they are working their issues out or are trying to save the marriage???? Only he knows the answer to that one. Ask him.
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