A
female
age
41-50,
*ooma
writes:I've been having casual sex with this guy for a couple of months now. This guy is involved with someone(he has a kid too). We both know where we stand in this situation. We're like friends with benefit relationship here. I definitely enjoy having sex with him but sometimes I feel our moment is too short and I like to spend a little more time with him. I talked to him about this and I left our discussion open ended. I told him that it's up to him how he wants to interpret what I'm telling him and what he can do about it. He explained how afraid he is whenever he comes over my house and we do it. He doesn't wanna get caught and I don't want him too, either. I told him I have no intentions to get him from his girlfriend other than what's going on between us which is sex. Is it right what I did? Coz now i regret i told him that. I want our sex going on. I don't know how to approach him so I won't sound awkward. How can I do that? From what I see, he might think I don't want to see him anymore. I don't know if he still wants to see me after that conversation. I want to talk to him. I always wonder if he will still call me. Should I wait for a week or two then call him? Please give me advice. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 In this situation, I think I need to read deeper into your question. My purpose is to bring some questions so you will answer them yourself, and you'll know what to do.
First, you say all you want from him is the sex. But then, yo say you'd like your time to be "not too short". He just comes for the sex, gets it, and leaves; maybe you feel you're being used? Or, maybe you want more from him than the mere sex?
Second: if you're happy with sex only, why did you have to mention that again? You're already getting what you want, are you not?
Now, let's look at it with this man's eyes. He is married, with a kid, but has sex with you. And then, you tell him all you want from him is the sex. Would you suspect something else going on? I do.
Why would he not want to see you anymore, if you told him that all you want is the sex?
You always wonder whether he will call you. This anxiety is not what I would expect in a "friends with benefits" type of relationship.
I believe you want all of him, not just the friends with benefits. And, maybe you can't speak your mind up out of fear that he will leave you if you demand more. Am I right? Think about it.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (2 August 2007):
 I did the same thing years ago. I was at a stage where i was single for the first time since i was 15 which i liked. and had an amazing chemistry with an older married guy.I didnt want to take him away from his wife either. Only trouble was his feelings ended up going further and without mentioning it to me, left his wife and rented a room somewhere.I guess what im saying is be careful. What can start out as just a bit of fun can turn into something else and then people get hurt as they did in my situation.Its the only time ive ever gone near someone elses bloke, and the last time i would too. He did end up back with her and as far as i know, still is to this day (this was 7 years ago)Asking him for more sex might be a bit of a problem if hes got 2 women to sleep with!I dont know if you have done the right thing with talking to him, i just hope your careful, because things can get out of hand and its a dangerous game. What if she finds out, chucks him out, and he ends up on your doorstep?Hope it works out ok for you.C xxxx
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