A
male
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*anoffee
writes:Nothing matches the thrill of my first real loveI met a girl in the first year of my university course 13 years ago. She was friendly and popular and had a socially prominent group of friends, whereas I was quiet and reserved but passionate.Soon every time we met was like fireworks and I began to get the feeling we could have something special, though she rarely initiated contact. I asked her out for dinner a few times but each time her response was less like a yes and more like a maybe and she was reluctant to commit to a date. My desire encouraged me to pursue her but it conflicted with my lack of confidence.Eventually she agreed to have dinner one Friday evening. I had found out by this stage that she was seeing someone else in college.We went to the supermarket, cooked and had dinner in my room. She left some of her starter, laid on my bed and asked if I believed in love. I was shocked and said, "Yes...but I don't think I've ever felt it, except with my best friends." So I lied to her basically, because I was scared of rejection. I screwed up because I didn't have conviction that I could handle the consequences, whatever they might be. The moment turned into a conversation and passed. She was quiet as we washed up. We said goodnight and she left.When I saw her with her other fella more and more I felt disappointed and angry that she could be so crazy but we never talked about it and I became more distant. I can see now of course how I wasn't taking responsibility! She stage whispered to a friend a few months later that I was a b*stard. We haven't seen or spoken to each other since, and though I've had other relationships I've never felt the same way about anyone else.I began thinking about this girl recently when my father was diagnosed with cancer and again when he passed away. I've now learned she recently got married (not to the college bloke). I'd like to wish her well and say a part of me wishes it were me. If nothing else it would help me move on - or would it? It's unlikely to benefit her but could it upset her? I think it's the excitement of learning to be more assertive that I'm yearning for, or maybe the thrill of the chase. How can I bring that magical sweet tingle of excitement, frustration, desire, jealousy, caring and commitment back into my love life?
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best friend, confidence, jealous, move on, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, davie  +, writes (7 November 2006):
No I don't think you should. It sounds like you hardly no one another and she would probably be creeped out if you just showed up like that to wish her the best. You need to just try and forget about her and move on.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (6 November 2006):
 Hi Dude,
Firstly, do NOT contact her. There is no reason to. You only want to contact her for your own reasons, none of which would benefit her.
You are right to be angery at yourself. You did not go for it, when you had the chance. The only thing I can tell you is that the illusion of the person you have built up in your mind over the years, is no where near the real, and flawed human being she is. You need to learn to deal with the rest of your real life, and not the illusion of her in your mind. That is what I did in order to get over my exfiance of 7 years. Even wrote a book about it entitled From Loser to Seducer.
As for bringing those feeling back to your love life, learn the art of seduction.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 November 2006):
 Nothing good can come from you contacting her, you won't get that "magical sweet tingle" either. 13 years ago! You are living in the past. Be assertive by getting out there and by meeting new people. Stay out of the past and keep moving forward. You'll eventually meet the girl of your dreams and say to yourself "what was I thinking?". Good luck.
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