A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for almost three years, I'm a really bad person because I lied to her, we got engaged then a year later I said I didn't want to get married, I have a habit of oppressing my feelings, I don't open up or say how I really feel, I want to spend the rest of my life with her but she wants to get married a lot sooner and she says we can't be together because we want different things, she wants to get married I want to wait a few years. I'm I a complete fool? I hope this isn't too confusing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Honestly, it doesn't take more than a year to get to know someone and find out if they're suitable to marry or not (considering both are mature, mid 20's+).What happens is, people stay together so long (years +), they figure why not? And just go for it, because it's "about that time." I agree with the other poster, "Ask yourself why you want to wait? Are you thinking she's a great girl but there might be someone better?"You're both mature adults, possibly late 20's-early 30's, you've been together 3 years...everything about this person, you know, trust me, once you get married there's about nothing else to find out, no mystery.I feel she doesn't want to invest anymore time and emotion in something that's going nowhere or where you're put in the "this is my last resort." I do agree that you're just trying to by sometime, still testing the options to see if something better comes along. If deep down, you feel there MIGHT be something better, my advice is let this girl go. I'm under the impression, even if you marry her, you'll feel like you settled. She doesn't deserve that, she's not the "last resort option."You say, "I want to spend the rest of my life with her," yet "want to wait a few more years.." Actions speak louder than your words, buddy.If you were, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, maybe even 28, I wouldn't see s reason for much of a rush, but considering you both are late 20's-early 30's, it's a different story..My advice find out what you're waiting for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Proposing without wanting to get married is pretty misleading. Stop being selfish and stringing this woman along! You both want different things out of life right now - if you aren't happy settling down give her the option to find happiness with someone who does want marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers
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A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 You are not a bad person your just trying to have your cake and eat it too. I think most people do that in some way despite what ever they may say.
Marriage is a very big deal and women are biologically programmed for commitment. She is probably over 30 like you right? All that adds up to some very strong feelings on the subject for her. You would be wise to not mess around on this one, its the kinda thing that most women get downright scary about.
Best to be honest with her now and take what ever lumps you may have coming then suffer years of her being pissed off at you.
Just man-up and throw your cards on the table!
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