A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know how to put this into words except to say that with my current partner of 14 month, I have just lost it...My husband died alsmost 3 years ago. I never thought that at age 50 I would find someone who matched me so well again. I also never thought I would have a fulfilling and great sex life again, or that in fact, the sun would ever shine... Well it did! And in the early days, I was like a lovestruck teenager, the hideous pain and fog had lifted and I was falling in love again...very heady stuff... Well then after 4 months into my new relationship I moved in with him. It was great, we got along like a house on fire, etc, I did however, notice that whenever we were out, he was almost mesmerized by any good looking woman or young girl(he is 54) around...to the point where he would lose his train of thought etc, (you know the type)...well his mobile phone used to go off and I would see him sitting out the back under a tree on his phone...texting, yep you guessed it, he was having phone sex, looking at naked women on his phone and then I found out later that he was trying to line up a date before I actually got there to move in...I was totally devastated, shocked and unbelievably hurt...I packed to leave after the worst fight of my life, but he talked me into staying telling me that he loved me so much and would never ever do that again bla, bla, bla. We are still together, but it has been a nightmare, I SIMPLY CANNOT TRUST him, he is so full of shit... And has since I found out, still been gobsmacked and drooling, and staring over other women... I am at my wits end...I cant take it anymore, and then of course tonight, we went to get a chicken and of course being a hot day, there was a barely 20 blonde girl, in short shorts etc, that I tried to make light of, by saying well she's almost dressed, to which then he just stared... I am so sick of being hurt and belittled like this... I also looked great in a pair of shorts at that same age... What the hell is with these ageing men that they think all the young girls want them? I am not overweight, take good care of myself and still attract a lot of male attention... What the hell is wrong with me? Is there such a beast as a man who is truly happy with one woman... For all you people in denial, please dont give me the shit about... it's in their nature, they cant help looking... bullshit, how come most women wouldnt stoop that low? Why are we happy with one man... He has stripped me of any sense of worthiness...and he is nothing special, not bad for his age...but nothing to offer, not even his loyalty and ingegrity... What is wrong with me, why cant I let him go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your very honest answers. I especially liked the honesty of duce00. I probably needed to hear that, as I have had all the red flags blazing all around me....Just for the record, I know it sounds like I am rating all men as leacherous jerks...but I do know that there are loving wonderful men out there...I had one, but he died...But hey, like I said...THANK YOU ALL, I actually feel better knowing, that it is not in my head, not my imagination, and that I am a normal healthy woman, who wants the same respect as I give :::)))
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): I also want to add how I have been coping with my loss. I have been working out like crazy. There is nothing you can do more to raise your self esteem than to work out. It helps you both physically and mentally. Like DUCE said I am not here to spread my woes but I to am not over my husband and probably will never stop loving him and am 47. Life is not easy!
As long as all of us women put up with this garbage these jerks will continue with this behavior. PLease keep us posted. Go for a walk today!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): You have got some great advice here.
See people do care about you and you are important.
Im very sorry to hear about your husband.
Its time to leave him, no more nonsense. Hes just a pig and always will be. End of story.
There are plenty of great guys in the world. What if one comes along and your too busy wasting your time with this one?
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 You haven't lost it at all! Take it from a man who knows loss and betrayal and being a complete sucker just like you. All you are doing is removing your head from your rear right now!
I was widowed at 34 and I got involved with a very charming narcissist for almost 5 years. In that time I made some of the worst decisions of my entire life. I will spare you the details because I am here for you, not to piss and moan about my woes. My point is I REALLY understand your position.
So lets cut the shit shall we? GET OUT!
Drop this guy like a hot rock and move on with your life. What he is doing is feeding on your vulnerability. This is what narcissists do, they survive on some easily convinced victim and baby...you are it.
Here is where I rattle your cage a bit but don't take it as insensitivity, I am just trying to save you a lot more grief down the line. You played into this, its a tough pill to swallow but just face it. Men do not have the corner on the market with this behavior, it takes two to tango on this one. Yes, you were vulnerable in a way that most people cant understand but that does not excuse you either. You played into the BS after red flags were blazing all around you. Trust me, I understand how easy that was to do but blaming him is like blaming a shark for being a shark, don't waste your time.
You absolutely can regain your self worth and self esteem and the first step is to get him out of your life. After that, I suggest taking a little break from men and get your head cleared up. You have been on quite a roller coaster ride and it will take a little time to put all this behind you. Do things that make you proud of yourself and define who you are.
There ARE men out there who are of high integrity and also happen to be horny bastards for ONE woman. Get yourself right and you WILL find him.
GET BUSY LIVING!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): I am sorry this happened to you. You went through a horrific loss. The find happiness. I think you can learn two things 1) this is not the type of man you want, you will always feel insecure, because he is being so disrespectful of you. He is too old to be acting this way around young girls. 2) you found him so you will find another man.. I would dump this guy and learn to happy alone until you find the next guy. I am 47 and had to divorce the man I love because he would not get help with his bi polar. I to am alone and trying to adjust . It is so hard when everyone has someone. I am trying to make the best decisions to. I do not like this man for you. How would he feel if you were doing the same thing to him? I think he is a big loser!Be strong and get out now!
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