A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been living out of the country (I still am) ... i met this guy a couple of years ago where i go to school. At the time i was still dating my bf, whom just broke up with me. I met this guy in my finance class and we exchanged numbers because he gave me answers to homeworks...he said he had me as a friend on fb which i didn't even know and Somehow i thought it would be a good idea to exchange phone numbers, but right away he hit on me. i told him i had a bf, he said he wouldn't interfere then, but i called him once or twice. I later decided to switch my finance class to another time so i could avoid him and not do something stupid. he still texted, i went to his house, he tried to kiss me and so i left. I blew him off but somehow he kept insisting for months and months. I would bump into him and I would ignore his fb messeges and texts. Then I would reply to texts sometimes, but it wasn't until recently that I met up with him again and we messed around and then i told him it was it. i didn't want to see him anymore. we simply made out and i felt him up. time passed and he texted like twice, but then i got an urge to text him. we met up and we had intercourse. then many times after that. he basically wanted to continue with it all, knowing that i still had a bf. everything felt wrong... but i still continued. i can't explain this but when we did it, he would look deep into my eyes during missionary position for long periods and i got so into him. it felt like we made love. he would ask me to spend the night and he liked to cuddle, he even made me orgasm. we talked about finance stuff, other stuff, and we'd sleep. my bf found out about everything and broke up with me. of course, I feel terrible, but at the same time i cannot control what i feel. i still want this guy but now he doesn't want anything to do with me because my bf(now x) beat him up at a club afterwards. i'm not looking for a serious relationship with this guy, i just want to continue sleeping with him. a couple of months have gone by and i would like to know if it's a good idea to text him now before he leaves to his hometown. i'm also leaving next summer and i dont want to regret not using him like he used me because i knw he did. 3 months ago, he did not let me come in to his dorm because he said he didnt want any problems with my bf(now ex) and that now he just wanted to be friends???. Why didn't he think of that before we got each other into this whole mess. anyway, i really need some advice. i can't stop thinking about him and strangely enough, i keep bumping in to him everywhere. i recently ignored him when he tried to say hi at friend's party, but i can't fake this front anymore. when i bump into him i get butterflies and thankgoodness my girlfriends are always around so i can pretend like i don't even notice him, but like i said, i'm in too deep.i've been ignoring him way too long and all i want to do is text him or call him. help.
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broke up, exchanged numbers, orgasm, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): I am glad you know you have done wrong. Just because you cheated doesn't mean you can't grow as a person, however. Emotional attachment will do you no good, but I know how hard it is to let someone go. The what if's will haunt you, but once you put yourself out there, I assure that you will find a man you truly love and it won't matter anymore. If you aren't sure that you will get over those what if's, then just go for it. Talk to the guy, and tell him how you feel. That way, everything is clarified and if he chooses to reciprocate, or he doesn't, at least you will have a definite answer. But don't cheat. If you can't stick with that one man, break up and go for another one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for the advice. it really helped. especially that i can't go around asking for this type of advice. i guess i am emotionally attached to this guy and i won't admit it. i am also aware and truly sad i ended up cheating on my x. that's certainly not who i wanted to be.
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A
female
reader, ohbabycakesxx +, writes (4 December 2013):
I agree with WiseOwlE. Everyone is telling you that you deserve better but in fact, you CHEATED. You led this guy on, knowing full well you had another relationship. Then, he gets beat up by your ex-boyfriend.
I suggest you don't maintain contact with the poor guy and leave him be. He had feelings for you in the beginning, but is probably scared now that he's been taught a lesson. You on the other hand should try to move on. You're leaving the country soon, and so is he, and it might cause you even more heartbreak if you try to continue to linger on.
But if you want really good advice? Don't cheat and stay committed if you are. If you want to chase other men, then break up with your current boyfriend to avoid this type of mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): You got this poor guy beat up. Now you have feelings for him, after cheating on your boyfriend. You want to get even with him? You mean you want to be next to him.
He's the one who got beat up! You are the one who had a boyfriend, and decided to cheat in spite of the fact. Now you claim you were used?!!!
You aren't seeing clearly. You cause trouble, and you break hearts.
If I were the guy, I'd stay far away from you. Good thing you'll be leaving. Then all this will go away, and you can start over.
Hopefully you've learned something, and next time will be true to your commitment.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 You just might be in love with him. Beware! I'd suggest you either tell him how you really feel or else just make a clean break and make a genuine effort to not bump into him, including making small changes in your daily routine etc.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): I wouldn't blame him entirely. He is afraid of getting beaten up again.Probably he was attracted to you in the beginning but after the beating up he lost his heart. He seems to be a little coward and selfish. I think you have fallen for this guy, although you don't admit it, but the important question is do you want a guy who is too scared to take a beating for you?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 Hi, you are emotionally attached to this guy and although you say you want to use him, this runs a lot deeper. Don't call, maintain no contact because once you start seeing him, and he then leaves, I promise you , you will be back here hurting and trying to get over him.
Don't put yourself through this all over again and you deserve better than a guy that chased after you and when things go tough, ran for the exit. Continue to ignore him, sleeping with him again will not make you feel better because we are emotional creatures and this will get the better of you.
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