A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me he had a past of cheating not long after we got together. We've been together for over two years now. Throughout his twenties, he always had at least three girls at a time. There have been deaths, etc in his family that have had a serious effect on him. And, he says he isn't like that anymore. As far as I know he has never cheated. I know he has been tempted. And he made arrangements for 'lunch' once with a coworker of his. But I know he didn't go. Though he did lie about ever making plans in the first place, when I confronted him about it. We're talking about marriage, and kids and all the serious things now. I want to trust him, i dearly love him. But I'm scared. What can I do to ease this feeling? I believe that people can change. And I know that everyone in a relationship, has at some point been tempted to cheat. I don't want to let my fear prevent us from having a good future, but I don't want to be a fool. Suggestions?
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female
reader, BlueBag  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I think these thoughts will always be in the back of your mind but you have to make the decision as to whether you want to listen to them or not.
My boyfriend does have a past of cheating on his girlfriends and I knew that before I got into a relationship with him. However, he was then cheated on and he knew what it felt like to be on the other side of the situation. He swore he would never cheat on me and I gave him the benefit of the doubt because people do mature and change.
Naturally, these thoughts you are having were still in my mind so I sat down and talked to him about it. He concluded that he had to earn my trust as he wasn't going to automatically get it because of all his past wrong doings. He has since gained my full trust and I would trust him with my life.
By your boyfriend arranging these "lunches" and lying to you about them, he is digging his hole deeper. He needs to be honest with you about the smallest things so he can lay the foundation for trust to grow. He needs to know that trust has to be earned.
So sit down with him and tell him exactly what you're thinking. If he loves you, he will do anything to make you feel happy and secure in your relationship.
Don't let these thoughts continue to torture you, talk to him. :)
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