A
female
age
30-35,
*scape!!
writes:hey hey.....thanx kay fay and martini for your replies it helped me alot... and i think i know what im gnne do...theres just one thing that i would like to ask...i wana be with the 20 year old and stuff but iv got a prob like what must i do coz i decided last night to see what my dad thinks of a 16 year old and 20 year old being together i didnt tell him bout me but just as general... so told him and my step mom and they think its completly wrong coz the same reason they say the maturity and with the whole sex thing, that its natural and that if the 20 year old and 16 year were together that he'd try something,, i tried telling them that not all 20 year old guys are like that and etc.. but they have got their minds set to it being wrong... i really wanna be with him but if my dad knew i like a 20 year old he'd flip... and i dont wana lie to him.... but really wana be with this guy.... what must i do?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): The thing is, he is not going to force you to have sex if you tell him you have morals and do not want you.
But here is the thing, he will wear you down, he will keep trying things to get you sexually aroused until you will give in, maybe he will give you a little something alchoholic to drink or get you to smoke something (whatever he is in to) and the next thing you know you will be naked in the back seat of his car or wherever, and your resolve will have gone out the window along with your virginity, your morals, and your self respect.
Your Dad was 20 once himself, and he knows inside and out how young boys think and what they say to get a girl to give them what they want...he will act like he is in love with you, just to get you to fool around, and then his feelings won't be there later on, you are way to young to go through this kind of hurt, and you need to find some friends who are your same age.
Later on, age differences do not matter, once you become an adult...but neither of you in my opinion are adult enough to enter into a relationship with each other.
Listen to your Dad, he is paying to put food and clothes on your back and give you a nice place to live...don't go against his wishes, it is very disrespectful, and you don't want to ruin your relationship with your father when he is just trying to make sure you don't wind up getting really hurt, or worse pregnant, sick or with a bad reputation.
A
female
reader, escape!! +, writes (31 March 2007):
escape!! is verified as being by the original poster of the question hay guys thanx soo much for your replies... you have given me a different view..
but i jus wanna know is that iv asked a few others on this problem well actually if i should go or him.... cause we both reaslised we liked each other and stuff but my freind whose my age also was with a 20yr old and he has only kissed a chic for he has morals and poeple have told me that i must tell him that i dont want sex and if he really likes me and i mean something to him, he'll understand and wont push me etc.. and others say that age difference doesnt matter... just as long that if im with him he knows what and where i stand.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Find a guy closer to your age that you like. That way you have a boyfriend which you like and your dad won't flip.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): You must respect the wise advice and restrictions that your parents put on you, they are your guardians and they are trying to raise you into an adult so that you will learn to make good life choices.
Wanting to be with a 20 year old is a bad idea. He is looking to use you, no matter how nice you think he is, he simply does not have that much in common with you at this age except for the desire to make out and have sex later on. You are going to be very hurt when he dumps you after giving in, and you may end up pregnant or with an std.
If you insist on this foolish behavior, then most definately have him come to meet your parents, I bet that will make him very nervous, and you may see that he is not all that interested in dating you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): one bit of advice i can give you is that once upon a time i was a 20 yr old male and the 1st thing on my mind was just sex. it is up to you girl. if you think you are old enough to handle the responsability of having an intamate relationship with an older man then that is down to you. as for telling your dad,if you have the sort of relationship where you can sit and talk to your dad then you are very lucky as most dads are so protective of their little girl so to speak that they will always think that no man is ever good enough to be with their baby.i am a father so i can understand with him so the best thing i can say is sit your dad down and just try to talk first.
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A
female
reader, sar  +, writes (31 March 2007):
hi i ready ur problem ... when i was16 i was datinga man who was 24 and he didnt try anything he was a decent bloke and respected that i didnt want to rush things. if this bloke really likes you he should respect your age and how you feel about sex etc etc. maybe if he is as nice as you obviously think you should ask your dad not to judge him untill he has met him. that was he could see for him self. hope ive helped and good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (31 March 2007):
 Sorry, but at 20, although they may have the best intentions as well, guys only really have one thing in mind, especially with a 16 year old girlfriend. Your parents weren't born yesterday.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 First off, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but all 20 year old guys ARE like that, pretty much. They are more mature than 16 year old girls, and they are almost always more oriented toward sex. I'm not saying that you're not important to this guy, or that he doesn't love you. I'm saying that sex together is a lot bigger priority to him than it is to you at this point. And your parents are right to see it as a bigger threat than you see it.
Oh, and if you think you fooled your parents about talking "in general" about a 16 year old and a 20 year old, guess again. They're not stupid. If they even think they see a 20 year old anywhere near you, you're likely to spend the next couple of years locked in a bank vault or something.
So what do you do? As I see it you probably have two choices. First you can go for it. You'll probably get away with it for a date or two, then get busted and spend the rest of your natural life (or the next two years, whichever comes first) in that bank vault. The other possibility, and it's not a real good one, is to try being honest with your parents. Introduce them to your guy, tell them that you want to see him, and accept the fact that for quite some time you are ONLY going to be allowed to see him while they are around. That's if they allow it at all ... they might not. But offer "hostages" ... fully chaperoned meetings and keep your word, no secret meetings, no funny stuff. Eventually your parents will learn that they can trust you, and they will see that (a.)the two of you are serious about one another, and (b.)that you are becoming a more mature person as well. At that point they will get the idea that they can let up on you and let nature take its course.
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