A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, I have been with my current partner now for coming on to 8 months, he treats me very well and I am very much in love with him He has opened up to me before about the way he feels and some personal things he has had to deal with before, and I love that he has the trust in me to tell me these things. I am in 2 minds wether to open up to him about the way I grew up, as I grew up in a domestic violence , alcohol and drug abusive household and quite a toxic house hold, where the police were round every weekend and arresting either my mum or dad, The last ordeal that involved the police was February of this year, I feel like he will understand me more as a person and the way I am if I tell him this, as all this really has effected me as a person and the way I look at life and relationships. I can have anxiety and panic attacks sometimes and I really am a panickier, he knows I panic about small things , but he doesn’t know the reasons behind it. I want to tell him but I am a bit scared as to how he will react or handle it, as I said I feel like I need to , just for him to understand me more as person , for when I do have a sudden burst of panic or anxiety; he can understand why... could someone help me where to start off by telling him as I am nervous and don’t know where to start :(. Thank you x
View related questions:
violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 October 2019):
 Perhaps you could mention it "casually" to start the ball rolling, something like "I'm sorry I get anxious/stressed, but I didn't have the best childhood" and see if he asks for more information. If he does, then you can tell him as much as or little as you choose. You can always say something like "My parents had addiction problems. Being a child in a household like that was tough." and leave it at that for the time being.
Remember, you cal always elaborate at a later date. Don't feel you have to tell him everything in one go. If he presses for more information, only tell him what you feel comfortable sharing. If he doesn't, perhaps he feels it is intrusive to ask and is happy for you to tell him when you are ready.
Remember, it is never too late to get help. You survived an abusive childhood but it has, obviously and understandably, left deep scars. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help.
Sending hugs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2019): there are many ways to share sensitive information but I want to ask you about you saying you're afraid of how he'll react. What is behind that? I don't know you or him so I don't know if that's because of his behaviour or his attitudes or if it's more about you feeling shame or anxiety?
If it's the latter then I think if you maybe write down what you want him to know, and think about it, what part do you want to tell him? Do you want to tell him everything all at once and get it over with, or do you just want him to know the gist for now? Are you ok with him asking questions? Or would you rather tell him that you want to share this for now but you don't want to answer any questions right now.
If it is more about his behaviour or attitude then I would not tell him as only wonderful, empathetic, kind people are deserving of hearing your story.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2019): Your relationship is very new. Trust must be earned over time. Share a little bit here and there, like when he's opening about about himself. No more than he offers you. Try keep it somewhat measured.
I think you should let him know about your anxiety-attacks soon; because you might have an episode, and he should understand what's going on. If you've been together this long, and you haven't had an attack; I would assume you must have a pretty-good handle on your anxiety-disorder. That's assuming you are on a prescription and receive therapy? If you aren't you really should have a source of treatment and consultation. Keep your anxiety well-managed and that will minimize the attacks and everything won't be centered around your anxiety-disorder. You deserve to enjoy your new-found relationship, and I hope he is kind and understanding.
You have to reveal things cautiously, and share intimate details about your past and your personal-issues in small doses. You only need to be fully-forthcoming with your therapist/doctor; as it applies to your treatment. TMI won't do him any good, he won't understand most of it anyway. If anything unforeseen occurs, offer an on-the-spot explanation. Keep it simple!
You should be comfortable about what you're sharing. Too much information could be overwhelming. As far as past abuse and family-dysfunction; carefully describe the fact that you had some serious family-issues, and you will share them as you get to know each other better. Lesser is better as far as that goes.
Try not to let your relationship become inundated with discussions about your troubled-past. Everyone has a few skeletons; and you don't have to air each and every minute detail all at once. It could be unsettling or too overwhelming. He has shared a few secrets, and apparently in sensible increments that you can handle. Evidenced by the fact you don't seem shocked by anything.
Explain the attacks, without getting too deeply into the diagnostic details. Just tell him what to expect, and how your disorder is being treated. That's enough for now. You can add a few more things as time passes, and you've become more comfortable talking about it. You can trigger your own anxieties if you vent or dwell on your past too much. Let the past stay in the past, and focus on your present.
I wish you the best, sweetheart!
...............................
|
