A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi CupidI have a crush on a guy at my local gym, he’s a personal trainer and I attend his exercise classes. He’s kind, friendly and warm and easy to talk to. The last 3 months, I’ve been maintaining eye contact with him, we both smile at each other, when I walk into his exercise classes, he always notices me, he pays attention to me and talks to me in his classes. It’s taken me time to get him to notice me. I’ve been waiting patiently for him to make a move on me. He asked me to like his fitness Facebook page, which I liked it. I initiated and started messaging him on Facebook. As I was messaging him, I wanted to test the water to see where I stood with him. I mentioned that I understand that he’s trying to build up his personal training business and I don’t want him to feel obligated to message me as I go to his classes. I said to him, do you want me to message you as if I’m a client, strictly professional or someone that you don’t see as a client but more freely. Then he said I can message him as freely as I please and he gave me his mobile number and that I could talk about anything. Bear in mind this mobile number is on his fitness facebook page. I don’t know if he was talking to me to gain me as a client.When we were messaging each other, I asked if he was single and he said he is and I mentioned that I'm single too and he said a gorgeous girl like you is single? I said it’s hard to meet guys and he replied saying it’s hard to meet girls. I joked that there’s loads of women at the gym and he can take his pick. He said to me it’s not that simple as he can’t be making moves on girls during work hours as it would be frowned upon. He said, yeah I could make a move but there’s the risk that they could tell my bosses. I got the impression from him that he wasn’t really interested in me as he weren’t really asking me questions and he was keeping things neutral. He wasn’t showing me any signals that he was interested in me so I started distancing myself from him and was bit cold towards him in classes. I felt like I was chasing him before. I know this was immature of me. Things were a little awkward between us. He did ask my sister if I was ok. I think I was just so frustrated and disappointed with him as he wasn’t pursing me. I really liked him. My sister didn’t really want me to get involved with him as she felt we weren’t suitable.Then 2 weeks later I found out he asked someone else out. I don’t think it helped when my sister kept saying to me that he wasn’t interested in me and that he’s friendly with other members in his classes. So I took a break from his classes as I needed to step away from this situation and to clear my head. I still saw him at the gym and we both said hi. I would like a guy’s perspective on this. Now that I’m returning to his classes. The vibe between us feels different. We still talk but I’ve stopped being over friendly and smiley with him. The other day, he was in such a foul mood so I asked him if he was ok and what’s wrong. He was in a bad mood because of management making him work when he had an injury. He said to me I’m not happy with management babe. How should I react and be around him when I go to his classes? Am I right in thinking, if a guy is interested in a girl then they would make a move on her and make it clear that they actually like that person?
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a break, crush, facebook, his ex, immature, move on, my boss, notice me Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Indiglorex  +, writes (21 October 2019):
Gym trainers are in a very delicate position. They are essentially need to be friendly and upbeat in order to get more clients. But sometimes it's hard to tell if they are treating you with a more "personal" friendly and upbeat.
It sounds like he took a special liking to you, but decided against taking it a step further and is instead keeping things in limbo just in case he changes his mind.
Casually keep flirting with him if you want, but don't make any further moves. If he wants to date you he will be really clear about it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2019): To be honest I think there is a good chance he is attracted to you but is sticking to the rules for his business sake. However I also think he ill be interested in many females that come to his workplace and out. Please don't build your hopes up around him, just get on with keeping fit and healthy and make genuine friendships naturally as you get to know people.Or you could take a humorous approach from the 80's and strut in wearing pink Lycra and head sweat bands singing 'lets get physical' and see what reception you get.Life and love is quite capable of taking its own natural form without analysing the signals.Staying away is defeating and forgetting your purpose of why you started to attend a fitness class...show more self discipline and sweat it out girl.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 October 2019):
 Personal trainers always walk a fine line when it comes to being friendly versus flirty.
It sounds like he IS just trying to be friendly with you and nothing wrong in that. You might have wanted more, but he didn't.
I also think he is trying to be professional (mostly) by sticking to neutral topics. He shouldn't, however, complain about management to you. THAT is not professional.
I think if he WAS interested in you (in romantic way..) he would have made a move, not just smiled and simple messages on Facebook (even if the Gym has a policy against dating clients).
When you go, just TREAT him as you would ANY other trainer you are NOT romantically interested in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2019): Wow! That was pretty long for something as simple as exchanging numbers with your workout trainer.
I think he's just trying to maintain a long-term client/trainer relationship. The longer you're around, the more you'll pay for his services. He has to be polite, professionally-charming, and establish a good repore with you. Either you need a trainer, or you're looking for a boyfriend. It shouldn't be a two-for-one deal. He is your motivator; so he has to gain your trust, in order to inspire you to commit yourself to work hard at training. Most members come to a few sessions and stop.
Less reputable gyms encourage trainers to schmooze clients. So beware!
He's not an idiot, you're passing-on signals you have a crush. Over time such things become obvious; even when you think you're hiding it. You'll blush and act extra "girly!" It's a normal and sometimes involuntary-response. Don't get played. He's in a business that clients crushing on their trainers is pretty common. To the point of being cliche. He's fit, wears workout gear that compliments his physique, he's young, and most trainers are good-looking. It's good for business, and it's often part of the criteria for hiring.
My advice? Keep it professional. You'll get jealous when he takes on other attractive female-clients. I guarantee you, they'll get the same great treatment as you do.
Calling you "babe," and any other flirtations are inappropriate come-ons. It's good for business, but if you see him using it with other females; suddenly you'll want to report his unprofessional-behavior.
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