A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've known this guy for 2 years. We met through mutual friends. We used to triple date alot, and it was really fun. He and his gf were very cute together. They still are. I forget their history now, but i know they've been together a while. He seems like a really nice guy, but after getting to know him, i know different. Hes cheated on her numerous times. I know this because in a phase of very low self esteem and confusion, i was his partner various times. I'm trying to right alot of wrongs, and hes still with his gf, and he still talks 2 me alot, and im wondering what i should do. Instinct tells me to stay out of it, but shes such a nice girl. Every1 thinks he is too, but i know hes not. Im not vengeful or vindictive at all, but this is wrong. What should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Come clean with your mistakes as it will help you learn. The reaction of someone will also help you learn as you will see the emotions involved and that will help you to be more conscious about decisions in general. Good luck.
A
male
reader, CrazyCowboy +, writes (4 January 2011):
 whats done, is done. why start drama now?
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I agree with the write below. I would want to know who the person I am dating is. It might be painful, but it will help her make an informed decision. Sounds like he is a horrible ass.
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A
female
reader, xxkansasxx +, writes (4 January 2011):
I wouldn't take it harsh that you did things with him. Obviously you had feelings of your own for the boy, and chose to act on them.
Although, if because of that you are having a guilty conscious, I would straight out tell her. Or if telling her is too much to handle, then try to leave hints for her to find about him cheating, or telling friends that would make the rumor of his infidelity go back to her.
That way you're letting her know without really making yourself out to be the snitch.
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A
female
reader, WGATSOAR +, writes (4 January 2011):
Please, please, please let her know. Men cheat on us women and band together not to tell all the time. We women must stick together too. It's not fair. Wouldn't you want to know if your man was a lying cheat? I would! Even if you have to type an anonymous letter, she should know. Consider it redemption cause carma always shows her ugly face. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Tell her.
Yes, you will be in the shitter with her, but you understand that.
She will be hurt.
However, be honest with her.
"in a phase of very low self esteem and confusion, i was his partner various times"
Do this in writing, but offer to meet in a public place and talk with her and answer all of her questions, make whatever amends you can.
Make sure that you make this clear, that it wasn't "her" that it was "you" and "him" and that you know that you can't make it right what you did but that you want her to protect herself and that you know from personal experience with him that she needs to protect herself.
Also, never speak to him again, if you do that is a mistake.
"Instinct tells me to stay out of it"
You are already in it. You abused her friendship. She will probably never talk to you again, but you will have done the right thing.
Then, having done all this, forgive yourself and move on and make sure you understand why you did this.
Good luck.
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