A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Short short version. My girlfriend of two years and I broke up this last week. She had become more and more cold to me over the last few weeks until she finally told me she didn't know if she loved me anymore. I care for her more than anything, but she still decided she wants to see other people and "sample what else is out there while she still can." I told her I was incredibly hurt by this and I said I won't be there waiting when she finally realizes how good she had it with a loving, caring guy who was willing to do anything for her. I assured her she would never find a love like mine again, and she seemed okay with that.Two days later, she calls me telling me she's been thinking about me and about us. She thinks she's making a mistake, yet she still wants to go through with it. She says if she doesn't go on dates with other guys for a while she may always have that question in the back of her head whether I was the right decision. Once again, I was so hurt by this, but I love her so much and it gave me a glimmer of hope. But now after a few more nights, I've decided I can't live like this. I can't sit here "waiting" for her to get done fooling around with other guys while I sit here in heart ache. But every time I try and tell her that I'm done with this and I'm moving on for good, she bursts out in tears about how she wants to love me again, but needs to do this first to be sure.Sorry but that's just not good enough for me. I was committed now and I was ready to be there for her forever, and she didn't care. But the problem is I still know I love her. I can't bare telling her that there is no chance for her and I, because honestly I still want her back. I still want our future. What am I doing? Why can't I move on? Why isn't she moving on even though SHE broke up with ME?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses everyone. At this point we've stopped talking. After our last conversation, she was still telling me how much she missed me and how she feels like we're supposed to be together. But I told her if even through all those feelings, she doesn't want to be with me then this is goodbye.
I'm trying my hardest to move on now. I'm not that interested in jumping into another relationship, though I have to admit, its very tempting. After being in such a long relationship, you just feel so alone all of a sudden (especially since a lot of her friends that were also my friends have stopped talking to me, and have chosen her) But I still have a solid group of friends that have stuck by me before and plan on being there.
I did tell her I wanted her to be safe and smart about what she does. We lost our virginity together and it feels so wrong thinking that either of us could be with another. The guy she's been going on "casual dates" with is a complete scum bag, but he's a VERY smooth talker. So I worry about all the lies he's feeding her to get into her pants.
But that doesn't matter now I guess. I'm moving on. I just have to stay away from girls for a while :/ last time I went through a bad break up I ended up leading on a TON of girls and really hurting a lot of them :( I still feel bad about it and I know that post-break up me is not a very sincere person...
A
male
reader, elwhy +, writes (14 November 2010):
I'm going through a situation similar to what you are saying, but If she really does love you she would have listened to what you have to say when you told her that she is hurting you, and despite the fact that your hurt and she's just going around fooling with other guys.
Even if its due to all the arguing or whatever went wrong in your guys relationship, you don't deserve to keep being hurt because she is still deciding to still love you or not.
& Im sorry to put it this way, but by what u just said, it sounds like she is using you as a backup for in case she cannot find anyone better.
But its now or never, get back now or just move on for good, it's some painful shit i know that i went through it. but dont let her keep hurting u so much, and don't let her keep toying with your emotions. its unhealty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): She is vacillating, changing her mind with the wind. But she would be happy for you to wait while she checks out if there is something better? Not a very respectful attitude on her part towards you, and definately not as committed to you, as you have been to her. Yet you do care, you do love her. And for a limited period you may be prepared to wait, because you do care for her, so much. But do not allow her to break your heart. To me, she is asking too much of you. I think she will regret her insensitivity. I regard her actions as a betrayal of trust, and think maybe, if she is too shallow to recognise your true worth as a human being, then maybe she is doing you a favor, by asking for this time out. If you are the loving loyal genuine committed type of guy , then you may be surprised the number of women who will welcome you with open arms. But it is up to you. If you are prepared to let your girl go shopping for guys, then ask of her these things: that she use condoms and go on the pill. That you set a time limit. Maybe 6 months.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Even though she was the one who wanted to break up, she may be having a hard time with it too. Obviously you are very hurt and you two were together for awhile and probably really close, it is hard to hurt someone like that and not feel bad about it. Also, it may be hard for her to get used to not having someone there all the time. If you really do still love her, you don't have to give that up, but you will continue to be hurt if things don't work out. It seems that she is really serious about needing time apart, and it would probably be better for you to not talk for awhile until you are more adjusted to being on your own. If you keep in contact, it is going to be extremely difficult to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I can definitely relate to your story. My boyfriend and I are having a similar problem. It's hard to be so young and be in such a serious relationship. She probably still loves you but is scared that she never had much other experience. It's hard to judge that someone is the perfect one for you when you have nothing else to base it off of. I know its hard to hear her say she wants to see other people but maybe you should do the same thing. You're young and should be having fun. As hard as it will be to see her go out there stay positive and do things that will make you happy. In the end if you're meant to be together you will get back together and you will never have to worry about her having regrets in the future.
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