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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: For the past year I have been planning to study abroad. However, I met this guy and we became a couple (gay couple), even though neither one of us is "out of the closet", so to speak. We love each other very much, and he made great changes in his life in order to accommodate our relationship; to be frank, he made far more changes than me. He has always known about my plans, but in May he told me he wished I would at least wait one year before going away, so he can finish his degree and maybe go study abroad with me. However, I had already applied to this Graduate Institute I really wanted to get in, and not only did I get in, I received a large amount of need based aid, but they've only just told me this. I told my boyfriend about this, and how it was a unique opportunity, and that I'm not getting any younger and this could be my last chance to go for a Master's degree.. Needless to say, he didn't take it well at all, he accused me of ruining his life, and told me that all he needed was one year and I didn't even care about that or him. I'm devastated over this, and really don't know what to do, and what is worse, I can't even talk to anyone about it since I don't really want to "out" myself right now, everything being so hectic. What should I do? I'm devastated over not seeing my boyfriend ever again, although he made it quite clear he doesn't want to see me. I really feel like I'm a bastard for doing this to him, but I also know that I may not get this chance again, since the need based aid being offered to me will probably not be offered again. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Thanks for both your answers. Yours was really helpful, bucky12, it helped me somewhat in talking to him again, and he came around. He's still really sad, as am I, about being apart, but now he understands it's only for a few months and then we'll be together again, hopefully. So thanks a lot!
A
female
reader, buckster12  +, writes (10 July 2009):
It's understandable that he's upset, but he should be happy for you that you're accomplishing so much and even receiving aid to help you go. (Congrats!) He should understand that you're not going away to ruin his life or your relationship, but to take a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become successful. Try your best to make him understand. Tell him how much he means to you, and that you leaving will not change anything between the two of you, and you want things to continue when you return. You earned that trip, you should go on it without a doubt, please don't let him stop you. If you don't go just to stay with your boyfriend, you could miss out on a golden opportunity that you may never cross again. You're not a bastard for going, and you're not doing anything TO HIM. So go, and let things take course when you return. If it's meant to be, it'll start back up when you get home. Since he says he doesn't want to see you, don't expect too much when you get back, but at the same time don't completely discourage yourself. Stay neutral. Keep your head up, you'll have a great time studying abroad! 3
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A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (10 July 2009):
Maybe you would have reacted the same way if he had done the same thing to you? Lets face it he is only upset because he wants to be with you now and then go with you in a years time. They are good things.
Have you tried to find out if you can defer for a year? Maybe they will let you start a year later, and if you lose the special aid then maybe it is worth losing?
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