A
female
age
36-40,
*amratha
writes:i started dating a man i hardly knew since a week. we both spend time together and also on phone all the time. he too calls me whereever he is. he cares for me. but i dono if he is in love with me. we have already made out and stuff too soon. this is bothering me. we both are too hot for each other to handle. please help me. how do i know if he really loves me and that its just not about sex? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): I think it is just too early to tell because it has only been a week. If things are going smoothly then I don't think you should be worried. Love can come instantly but true love takes time. Be patient and enjoy the relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): Amratha: You say you have known him just for one week and you've already "made out". You are hot for one another.
Well, to be brutally honest (sorry!!) but at this point it IS just about sex.
How could it possibly be otherwise? Its way, way, way too early to wonder if he "really loves me." You're both in infatuation and sexual attraction tends to be very strong early on.
Look here: you don't know this man at all. Nor he you. No matter how much you talk on the phone or meet. You have yet to discover the things that (will eventually) drive you crazy: his annoying habits - whether small innocent things or more serious questions where your values and sense of ethics may differ. Likwise, he has yet to find out the traits in you that he will find not so attractive.
Guess what? THIS IS NORMAL. Par for the course. Its what dating and getting to know another person is all about. Its how you find out whether you're a good match for the long term. It usually takes at least six months to a year or more to see whether two people are truly compatible.
Sex too early on tends to blur the process of getting to know another person. Better to wait at least a month or more and just date before hopping into bed. QUESTION: If you want to know whether he really values you as a person, or just wants sex, can you - are you willing to - back way off from sex and see what happens?
Tough? Yes. But if he wants to get to know you just for you, he may (though probably quite reluctantly) be willing to agree to cool it for a while.
Be willing to consider the possibility that right now your boyfriend MIGHT NOT KNOW HIS OWN MIND. In other words, he may be uncertain as to whether he wants to try to make this a long-term relationship. And maybe you too will come to question whether YOU want him around for the long term.
Good luck!
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