A
female
age
36-40,
*ittleHolly
writes:I need help and advice, something is playing on my mind and is detrimental to my relationship. My boyfriend has a good female friend, and they always used to flirt and I did wonder if anything was underlying. Me and my boyfriend had a month or so of not being together, during which his so called best friend indulged in lots of gossip telling about him to me, including telling me that the mentioned friend and him had slept together a while ago. I have since found out that a lot of the stuff she told me is largely sensationalised. He says they never slept together. His friend says he is lying. He did however get very defensive about it. I don't even care if they did sleep together or not, I just feel uneasy because I feel that he is lying to me, and we said that everything would be out in the open. I just want it to stop playing on mind. He knows that this friend makes me feel paranoid and now hardly ever sees her which I know is unhealthy! Help!
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female
reader, LittleHolly +, writes (29 December 2009):
LittleHolly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, that is a helpful reply. I have told myself that it doesn't matter. All I want to hear is that he hasn't, but if I pry it out of him and it turns out he did sleep with her, I know it will appear in my thoughts even more frequently!
Our break was mainly due to the so called friend telling me lots of things that made me feel confused about him, but once he returned from being away and we spent time together it was clear everything was still great between us. So, I do think it will work, and is perhaps even stronger now because of the break. I just need to stop being a paranoid girlfriend, because I know 100 % that he would never cheat on me! Thanks for your help.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 December 2009):
Well either he did sleep with her and is lying, or she's a very jealous lady who fancies him and she's lying to make you go away. The thing is, if he did sleep with her, he didn't cheat because you weren't together at the time. So he really hasn't done anything wrong. Whatever happened has happened, and he's not talking about it. So you have a choice, you can either let it bother you and end the relationship, or you can accept something happened when you were not together and try to make the relationship work. The problem is I'm not sure it will, since you had a break in the first place. that means there were problems before? Think carefully about whether you want this to continue.
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