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anonymous
writes: Hi all, I have a very low self esteem issue and I am having a hard time trusting my ex fiancee. It is very complicated story but here is some of it... We had been dating for about 8 months and I went on vacation without him, ended up kissing another guy, when I got back my boyfriend proposed to me, I accepted. After about 6 months I turned into this jealous maniac and I couldn't help it anymore but to tell him what happened while I was on vacation. He took the ring off, and ended our relationship. We didn't talk to each other for 1 month but then He would call me to check up on me and see how I was doing. Next thing you know we are lovers. We are not together but we look like we are. I am soooo in love with him and he with me but I have to work on my jealousy, self esteem, and trust issues. I just don't know what to do. I want to change my old ways and be with him but I don't know where to start. I don't understand why I have such a hard time trusting him. Well, If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks,Jessica
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2005): Grow up. Jealousy is simply a reflection of your poor self image. You refer to it as self esteem. Ask yourself why you don't like yourself. That is the fundamental issue. Make a list of your faults, and shortcomings, and then make an equally long list of your better qualities. Study the first list and try to find ways to suggest to yourself how you can improve on them. Attacking a general category such as poor " Self Esteem" is too broad. That is why I suggest you break this issue down by making the list of your shortcomings. Talk to your best friend, or friends, and get ideas from them what they think about you. No one is perfect. We all have things to work on the rest of our lives. Some we will succeed in " curing ". Others we will have to settle for simply making an effort to do better every day. On jealousy displays, my wife and I worked out a way to make this disappear in our relationship. We offered to point out members of the opposite sex who we thought, or knew, each other would be attracted to as we went around town, sat in restaurants, etc. She would tell me what she was attracted to in some guys, and I would tell her what the attraction was in the women I checked out twice. She was head over heels attracted to the movie actor, Steven Seagal. He's tall, very dark, wears a pony tail, and earrings, sometimes. I'm tall, blonde, with blue eyes, short hair and no earrings. I asked her if she wanted me to grow out my hair, or get an earring. She looked at me for several minutes, and decided I would not look good with either. She was very tall and skinny, but had concern about a small layer of fat around her waist, and the size of her breasts. I could care less about the first, and the later were just fine to me. I told her so, and paid her many compliments. I pointed out famous models who could wear dresses and blouses that larger breasted women could not possibly wear. She finally saw herself in a better light, and didn't dwell on breast implants again. Her mother had told her to stoop down when she was with a man, as she was " Too Tall". Her mother was short, of course. I told my wife that the taller the woman, the better the view, and would look down the front of her blouse when I said it. I got her to stand up straight, pull back her shoulders, and wear high heels on special occasions, and she stopped traffic! The heels made her long legs look even longer, thrust her hips forward, and allowed her to carry her shoulders back, and her chin up. She looked 10 years younger, and would get whistles from men and dirty looks from women who were obviously envious. Their problem, not hers. phv
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reader, jrs +, writes (17 June 2005):
why on earth do you have a problem trusting him? You cheated on him, it makes no sense. Did he cheat on you too? If not, the i can see exactly why he is doing what he is doing. and jealousy issues? Are you jealous of yourself for kissing another guy? Think about it, You may have confidence issues or low self esteem, but in all reality he should be the one NOT TRUSTING YOU. You obviously are confused.
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