A
male
age
30-35,
*geek
writes:hey, me again. Warning you ahead of time that this is quite long, and I'm not a good writer so bear with me.Here is some info to start with- Ok me and my girl have been going out for 6 months now. We are in a committed Long distance Relationship. We practically know everything about each other for the simple fact that all we do is talk. And we see each other on average once every month or 2 for period of a weekend or a week. Now that you have the info, my question, or problem, is that when we see each other we have fun and such, go on dates, and generally have some sexual fun. But do not actually have sex. She brought up to me a couple months ago that she would really like to have sex with me next time we see each other, and she has been talking bout it and such over the course of that time. To me, this is a big thing considering I am a virgin and that I want to be more intimate with her, to her it is as well since this is the first time we would have sex (she is not a virgin) now my problem is, is that when she mentions or brings up the guy that she lost it to...i feel extremely jealous... and i know that a bad thing to feel. But there doesn't seem any way to not feel that way...I'm jealous that someone has been more intimate with her than me. Especially since she was plastered and didn't even know him...(thus didnt care about him) I have told her this, and she has made it clear that she feels bad that I cant be her first. I tell her its fine and it will be ok, and make her feel better about it. Even though it still bugs me. And she has agreed not to bring it up for both of our sakes. But just today she said that she wants to wait to have sex, till some unforeseen time, for the reason that we never see each other enough to go on dates and hang out enough, along with other legit reasons, and it is understandable and reasonable.(I told her that's ok, and that she is the one who decides when we actually do have sex) And then she just mentioned that guy and the party a short while ago on the phn. And it really started bugging me that she has been more intimate with some dude she doesn't even know really, but she wont be with me.... and idk... i told myself I have waited 20 years I can wait a while more for her..... but it still is eating at me. And I don't wanna tell her that it is bugging me that she doesn't want to have sex.... because I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring her into anything or making her feel bad. But what do I do?? I want us to be more physically intimate... and I know that it wont bug me anymore after we do... but I don't want to pressure her. I hate to sound like a stereotypical male, but I just really wanna have sex already, not just the fact of it, but for the love of it and the intimacy of it.....and it makes it harder when we don't get to see each other for a couple months on end....I just wanna stop feeling this way, because I know it is unhealthy for our relationship for me to be jealous, and feeling however it is I am feeling...sorry that wasn't very clear but I don't really know what I want to say...help :(thank youZGEEK
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male
reader, asmah57 +, writes (14 November 2010):
Honey, the reason she is hesitant is precisely -because- she knows you and has feelings for you. From what you said, it doesn't sound like she has been with anyone else since losing her virginity. Having sex once doesn't make someone an expert, especially drunken one-nighter sex. She barely knows more than you do. You also said she wishes she could have waited for her first time to be with you. That means she values your relationship and wants it to be special when you two do get together.
It sounds to me like she is afraid and nervous. Her first time was with someone she didn't care about, but she DOES care about you so she wants it be right in all the ways the first time wasn't. She wants intimacy and closeness and security. She is worrying about how often you get to see each other because she knows that going to the next level will make you both want more.
She isn't dissing you. It doesn't mean that other guy was better in any way. It is the opposite. It sounds like she respects your virginity and feelings and wants it to be right for both you and her. I think maybe she mentioned him and the party as a way to say how she DOESN'T want your experience to be.
As for changing her mind, it could be that she is afraid to promise sex the next time you meet. When you see her be reassuring and understanding. It sounds like you both want to be together, so it will happen when you both feel it is right.
Be safe and have fun. Treat each other well.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Another nice guy finishes last.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): "today she said that she wants to wait to have sex, till some unforeseen time, for the reason that we never see each other enough to go on dates and hang out enough"
Yeah hate to burst your bubble but if what you said here is true she is double timing you and is getting sex from someone else.
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A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 It's common for most guys to feel jealous about the 1st guy who deflowered their woman but that is a thing of the past and no matter how jealous you will get,that is what the truth shall always be.Rather than hang unto what she did in the past,why not concentrate on the now and after.Wasting your energy on the guy who got there first wont help matters but rather will drive her away from you.I as a man, i never want to consider or bother myself with who had her first because everyone has a past, present and a future.She did want to have sex with you but you didn't give her the green light and because she doesn't want you to think of her as cheap,she changed her mind.You would like to get intimate with her and i say yes you can get intimate with her. all you have to do is get your act together,don't act so needy,have some self confidence and trust me,she will make up her mind to get intimate with you just like she made up her mind not to. all it takes is doing the right things at the right time and place.Being in a long distance relationship shouldn't be such a big problem. I have been into one where i had to spend over $1,500 to go see her in the country where she lived and as much as she used to reason like your g/f does now....no sex...till some time later,i would create a conducive environment for the two of us to get intimate.Anyways,that's just a chip off my past.Seat back,relax and take control of the situation and please,do me a favor and grow out of being jealous over the first time. Just make her yours already.Good luck buddy.
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