A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im writing this today because I am turning 25 and I'm a failure. I so badly want to be a productive and sensible adult but I'm just a big child. I've failed in so many areas of my life it's laughable. I have no career, no super, I finally managed to get a job in a laboratory through my sisters help and I hate it, it's an hour away from home, one weekend off a month and often 12-14 hour days and it's shift work if there were part time jobs going I'd apply for one but there aren't many jobs going in my town unfortunately. I know that I sound like a big negative whinger but I can't say these things to anyone and this is the first time I've put my feelings into words. I waited all my childhood to fall in love and a few years back it finally happened and the guy ended up beating me and I had to leave him. And the most pathetic thing is it took me five years and I've never told anyone what honestly happened not even my mum. I have five cats a few of whome my ex brought home and then quickly tried to giveaway.. cold hearted bastard... so I spend most of my money and free time on my animals.. and there the only friends I really have but with work it's hard to give much time to them. Whenever I make a real friend I become overcome with anxiety at the thought of having to see them and we quickly loose contact. I have extended family that I really love but I avoid at all costs because believe it or not I'm actually afraid of how much it's going to hurt when I loose them one day.. I know how sick and stupid that is but it's the result of loosing someone very close to me once before. I hate that I'm like this but the fear controls me. I've been to many therapists over the years and taken lots of different anti depressants. When I was 18 I discovered pot and all my problems went away for awhile and I was so happy and relaxed I didn't know a person could be so calm and peaceful but after a year or so it started to give my anxiety attacks.. just my luck :/ So now I'm living at my parents while looking for a rental. I'm on my annual leave and realising that I can't be happy doing this job and sometimes the stress of it starts me thinking terrible things and my thoughts get so out of control that I want to vomit or panic, what I really want to do is start a business doing something I actually enjoy. But I'm so afraid of telling anyone. Everyone thinks I'm flaky and immature and maybe there right but I want to do this I want to finally find my calling and to give something back to the world.Im fed up with being the one that things just happen to.. I want to be someone who makes things happen.I should be old enough now to make my own decisions and deal with any consequences on my own. I do have some savings behind me now but it's scary to take risks especially considering how modest my savings are. I guess I don't know what I'm hoping for by putting this on the internet maybe there are others out there who have found themselves in similar situations? Started a small business while coping with anxiety and depression? P.s I'm aware that running your own business can be very stressful and depressing but I need to give it a go. Thanks for any advice in advance, if anyone has a similar story I'd love to hear it?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Hold up! You need to get yourself into aggressive treatment for both depression and anxiety before you even UTTER the words "Start my own business". I have been a business owner since 2002, with employees, clients, and ever changing markets in my industry. I got into the business in 2000, and when the previous owner wanted to sell off and start something totally new, I had been saving money in order to buy my first house outright by paying cash. I seized the opportunity, offered terms, and bought him out. Within two years, I quadrupled revenues and expanded. In 2006, I was able to buy my house outright with no mortgage as well as have a business with no debt overhead.
The pressure you will go through to own your own business will be increased MASSIVELY, and you also have your employees and/or contract employees depending on YOU for their livelihood, so you have to devote yourself to keeping up business. You HAVE no safety net that employees do with HR and all that. You ARE the safety net!
Owning your own business is also about people skills, and if making a friend fills you with anxiety, then you're not ready to be THE FACE of your business! I have to walk into meetings, or court, or the state house, or to make a several hundred thousand dollar sale as if I'm scared of NOTHING and do this sort of thing all the time.
You have to be exceedingly disciplined, a good and clear communicator, and to do that, you need to manage your pressure, your anxiety level, and your overall feeling of well-being.
You need to get yourself BACK into balance. Your basic foundation is good, nutritious food, a solid exercise/aerobics program, and a good amount of sleep! I bet you hardly are getting good sleep, which will throw you off into next week. That's no good!
Go to the doctor and get an appointment with a nutritionist. This isn't about weight! You could be rack thin and still mal-feeding yourself. A great workout and a balanced diet is better than any anti-depressant ever. But if you're needing medical help to control depression and anxiety, now is the time, because we do NOT make life-altering decisions when your mind is NOT clear!
You're treating looking for a new business as a way to self-medicate, similar to you using pot, your pets, and other things you've done. Take care of yourself first before making any kind of business changes, and STAY AT YOUR JOB!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2018):
 I think Auntie BimBim gave you great advice- so take it to heart.
Also keep your job for now. WORK on getting your mental health in balance FIRST. And while you do that, you can look up business models and business plans for start ups.
Save up money from the job you have now. AS much as you can. Starting your own business doesn't come cheap.
Wanting to start your own business is all good and well but it NEEDS not only commitment, dreams but also reality. IS what you want to have your own business something you can actually make money off? Etc. Thus the business plan.
Having a job you don't like, unfortunately, is PART of being an adult. It doesn't mean it will ALWAYS be like that but in reality there are WAY more people working in jobs they don't like in order to feed their family, and keep a roof over their heads. While it IS preferably to work at something you WANT to do and LOVE doing - you have to be realistic too.
So first step? Get yourself back on track with your mental health. And I would suggest you add some exercise to that.
I think you will have a WAY bigger chance at SUCCESS with a business venture if you are FIT - mentally and even physically.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Keep the job for the time being, view it as a means to an end. I see by your flag you are a fellow Australian, are you aware the Government has realised many of us need a bit of help dealing with issues such as anxiety and depression??
Have you seen a doctor or are you self diagnosed? Are you aware you can go to your GP and ask for a Mental Health Plan, this will give you access to 6 free counselling sessions with a qualified practitioner, and I understand there could be ongoing help if your doctor refers you for treatment again.
This is worth your looking into and taking advantage of. You will learn what triggers your anxiety and depression and why it triggers. The counselling sessions will help you get to a point where you will be more able to make decisions about your future.
While you are working you wont be available for NEIS, New Enterprise Incentive Scheme which is designed to assist the unemployed into self employment but you could see if any TAFEs or Adult Education places are able to offer the same course NEIS participants receive .... Cert III how to manage a micro business, the course is effectively writing your business plan and will cover everything from how to set up your office to marketing strategies, cash flow forecasts and profit and loss. Its worth looking into.
But first things first, make an appointment with your GP and get that mental health plan happening, its the best place to start.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 February 2018):
Well what are your interests? What do you know about starting a business? Have you done your research? Or are you just thinking that you'll dive into it and make things up as you go along? Starting a business or a new venture needs a lot of planning, implementation and you need to have the tact for it. You also have to be prepared that things might not take off immediately and if you put all your eggs in one basket then that's not a very smart move.
That being said, you seem to have given up and are being very harsh to yourself. Remove yourself from your question and imagine you were someone on the internet, a third person, who was reading this. How would you feel? Would you say, "oh she's such a loser, it's pointless", or would you say, "come on, it's never as bad as it seems! Buck up, chin up and let's see what we can do to better it."
OP people have been in far worse conditions than you and have risen from the ashes. Literally. My husband is one of the most studious, intelligent people out there and yet, there was a time when he was preparing for the topmost administrative exams in the country... And he kept failing every single time. There was a point of time when he was 30, he was jobless despite all his degrees, he finally, despite coming really close, couldn't crack the coveted exam and his life was reduced to absolutely nothing. He somehow picked himself up, chose a completely different professional life and today he's an associate professor at one of the best Universities in the country. It's not a miracle; it's hard work, determination and the will to never give up.
You too have to be strong OP. Decide what you want and go for it. Study more if you can, if you want to start a business then let it be the best possible small venture there ever was. Look at the success stories from shark tank and see what you can learn from them. Read, interact with people, don't be afraid to ask questions.
All the best!
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