A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I was with a guy when I was younger we didn’t date but we would make out etc teenager stuff right (No sex) it lasted like 4 years so I consider it a relationship he ghosted me and then 3 years later came to see me and we talked made out etc he then ghosted me again did this maybe 2x I don’t understand what this means he says If we get married we’ll get married but like we haven’t dated or anything we have had sex he says he loves me and cares about me he was very caring when he’s with me and attentive but I feel like he’s just using me for sex any advice??? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 February 2018):
 You said you both didn't date you just made out but yet you considered it a relationship, but did he? It sounds like you like him more than he does you. If you were both young and making out for four years without talking about things and making it more official then I doubt he wants anything more with you than a hook up. He ghosted you the first time shame on him, he ghosted you the second time shame on you for giving him that chance to hurt you again. Stop allowing this guy to hurt you, I know you want to believe his words because you probably like him, but look at his actions more than what he says. If he loved you and wanted to marry you then you would be his girlfriend by now and he would not be treating you like this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2018): You're the girl who comes to mind when he feels like sex or making-out. When his social-calendar is blank, and his dating-pool dries up, he thinks of you. He throws you a bone using one of three common, but most effective, words found in the player's vocabulary: love, marriage, or girlfriend. Use of any of these three words will convince some women a player is serious. You're on his player's list of reliable booty-calls!
You don't really need advice. You know what's up!!!
If you put a lid on the honey-pot, it ls likely you won't hear from him again. Ghosting you is a ploy and player's tactic. This is supposed to keep you simmering in the slow-cooker wondering when you'll hear from him again? Then when his number shows-up on caller ID; you're rejoicing beyond yourself to hear from him. He's with other women when out of touch. Don't call me, I'll call you???
Seriously?!!
Come on! Sweetheart, don't be so naive. You're thinking of the kid you made-out with back when you were teens. He's a full-grown certified-player now. Next time he calls or texts you, tell him you're on to his game; and you've had enough of being used. See ya!!! After a guy rewards sex with silence, you better clamp your legs shut!
It's not going to be as easy as we're all suggesting it to be. I know that. You like the guy. He's probably cute, has a special charm and wit, you go way-back, and he's probably dynamite in bed. At your age, hormones speak louder than common-sense. Well, girlfriend, tell them hormones to shut the hell up. They're so loud they're clouding your judgment. You wrote this post; because during his silence you've sobered-up, and you're coming out of your trance.
Time to turn-up the volume on self-respect. Some guys have to be reminded who they're dealing with, and be made to realize you have feelings. If you play dumb and let guys use you to keep them around; you will lose your self-respect. Then you'll blame and punish all future guys here ever-after for his behavior; once your self-esteem is down the toilet. I know how this goes. I'm wise! You're already starting to feel played. Kind of icky isn't it? Shake it off!
If you're just enjoying the sex and attention, and playing into his game; stop and think about the potential side-effects. You're beginning to fall for his sweet-talk, and that makes you look quite naive, if not straight-up dumb. He is not the slick kid you used to know; and you're not a couple of horny little teeny-boppers anymore!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Just cut him off, OP
You know it's the same roller-coaster every time he shows up in your life - you make out, he tell lies and then he vanish by ghosting you until next time he is bored or doesn't have a partner.
Come on, OP stop wasting your time on a guy that isn't what you are looking for.
Words are cheap. He can PROMISE marriage all he wants. Doesn't mean he is going to actually marry you. He says he LOVES you... but OP - people don't ghost people they love and care for. But hey, it got you do so sexual/semi-sexual things with him, so the "promise" worked for him in getting what he wanted.
He keeps showing up with intervals to PREVENT you from moving on to a guy whom you will have more in common with.
Block him on your phone and if he shows UP where you live tell him that you wish him well but you are done playing his game, then you END the conversation. Or you just don't talk to him at all. YOU DO NOT owe him ANYTHING.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (16 February 2018):
It sounds like he ghosts you whenever a new girl comes along. And when he is with you, he lies regarding his plans for marriage. And, if your were married, you can be quite sure this fellow would cheat on you at any opportunity.
It is time to ghost him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Wow. I'm sorry, OP, but try to see this clearly. He used you for experimentation, then vanished - probably to find a girlfriend. Then he comes back for a little while - probably when his relationship ended. Then he vanishes again.
Seriously, OP. It's naive to trust him. He doesn't love you. People who love you don't do this. Block him. Don't have sex or make out unless you're in an OFFICIAL relationship, at least if you want people to genuinely care about you, not just want you for play and dump you for no reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Listen to your intuition. If the guy has a habit of ghosting you and not treating you the way you want to be treated get rid of him.If on the other hand he is treating you nicely now and not ghosting ask him if he see's a future with you. This will give you an idea if he's just using or manipulating you.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Id say you're bang on the money.
People in love don't ghost each other. If he was truly interested he would be doing everything possible to make it known through his ACTIONS not words.
The guy sounds like he hits you up when he's got no better options.
...............................
A
female
reader, ashleighkaylin +, writes (16 February 2018):
 One way to tell if he's using you is to say, "I will not have sex with you until we are married then." If he's serious about marrying you, he will be willing to work on the relationship. Do you share the same values? Do you know your values? Do you know his? These questions can't be answered in just one conversation. You need to know if he plans to spend the rest of his life with you and only you. He needs to give up being friends with girls that you aren't good friends with and you do too as far as guys are concerned. There's much much more to it than that, of course. It sounds like he's not even trying to woo you or take you on dates (proper dates). Is he even acting like a boyfriend? His actions now say a lot about what kind of husband he'll be.
...............................
|
