A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my bf is upset that i am always leaving him behind to spend time with my family. and whenever he is upset about this, he ignores me and tells me that i should just leave him alone. i would really like to make him feel better. but how? i dont think it's fair that im treated like this. i want to spend some time with my family too. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 What have you done that's not right? You do know that him controlling you is not right? That's very wrong. He is not your father or your boss, he doesn't need to be telling you what you can and cannot do. You are you are a grown woman who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. Remember that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto tennisstar88 - its true that he has been controlling the other things i do. but some things that i do is really not right either. but i do not want to let him go just like that. he is so hur because of me and i cant even do much to get away from gg out with my family.
to anon - he already knows my family and we have invited him over once but he couldnt make it.
to anon - i know he wants comfort and i would talk to him but he wouldnt even tell me anything. he just gives one word answers and doesnt even want to meet me. he would talk to me about all the bad things ive done to him. and im living with my parents but they are workaholics so when they want to rest, they would want their family around
to honest human - ive already told him its not fair but he said that i dont care about his feelings and ive told him family comes first n he said - "what about me?". and ive just learnt to accept that he'd ignore me because its fair that he has to understand that i have to leave him so i have to understand that he would ignore me when i leave him. im confused. and haha (pt 4)
thanks all for your views (:
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 December 2010):
Your clingy boyfriend isn't your husband, he doesn't need you to spend all your time with him. He's a big boy, he's capable of spending time by himself.
In every relationship, both partners need to have their "me" time. Where they spend time away from each other doing whatever activity or perhaps spending it with someone else. Your boyfriend should NOT make you feel guilty for spending time with your own flesh and blood. That's ridiculous. I suggest you cut ties in this relationship now, because his clinginess is only going to cause more problems in this relationship. Next he's going to tell you, you cannot see your family at all. Eventually, he will make you choose between him or your family. Dump him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): maybe try to get him to know your family try to get him busy when you just want to be with your family and sometimes have him come along with your family too...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Are you staying far away from your parents? If you are, then it is unfair of him to stop you from being with your parents. Maybe what you can do is that you can bring him over to meet your parents and let them bond and gain trust. If you are living with your parents, I don't seem to understand how you are not having enough time with your family. By the way it seems like you are quite ignorant of how your boyfriend behaves. The general rule is that whenever somebody asks to be left alone, the actual meaning is that he needs some comfort. Stop thinking that you always needed to be treated fairly when you don't really care about how he feels. And you should start to actually comfort him when he asks to be "left alone" because he will soon lose faith in you and start drifting away from you.
...............................
A
male
reader, honest_human  +, writes (19 December 2010):
Sounds like he's like a kid. Wants all the attention.
Family comes first.
Possible things you could say to him:
1. It's not fair the way you treat me when I want to see my family (But then he might sulk seeing as he is a big kid.)
2. They are my family, family comes first. (Then he might sulk and say 'fine, your family is more important, I get it')
3. when he ignores you say 'Grow some balls'
(but then he might sulk more)
4. Give him oral (he is left happy)
...............................
|
