A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:where to begin....i guess im really just looking for advice or even just to get things off my chest with an outside perspective. I guess i should tell you a bit about my situation. I met the woman of my dreams five years ago. we met on myspace...i was just chatting with friends when she messaged me, we talked online for about two weeks and then decided to meet. I was very nervous as i had never done anything like this before. we met for drinks and a local place and we just hit it off from the start. we talked for there for 6 hours. i realized it was getting late and had to work early the next morning though i didnt want to stop talking to her. we hugged and parted ways. we met up again and again and fell so deeply in love. we got married later that year. the first year was just purely amazing..then we started looking into buying a house. then for the first time we began to argue lol mostly it was from the stress of buying a house and agreeing on what we both wanted. we finally found one in out budget and moved in to the house a few months later. we then had a mutual friend who worked with both of us you for a lack of better words kind of played us against each other and told me she was cheating on me, but would then turn around and tell people at work how they needed to help save our marriage. we got past that after a few months, then again this same person started telling her i was cheating on her. might i add never in my life would i do that, this woman was my life. needless to say things started going down hill and fast. a few months goes by and things kinda started to settle down or so i thought, then my wife asked if her brother could move in with us, i had a feeling i would regret saying yes from the beginning but i wanted her to be able to have family around also.soon after her brother moved in... they started going out all the time, and would stay out all hours of the night, and i would text to see where they were and what not i would get no reply till two hours later. this started to make me feel a bit insecure. mind you her brother had just turned 21 and my wife was 27. and i understand they were having fun being able to spend time together. we started to fight more nad more about it as we would never see eachother anymore and never talked much. the only time i did get to see her she would be sleeping all day becuase they were out all night. her and her brother moved out a few months after this all started and she told me i was being too insecure and nothing was ever enough for me. is it so bad to want to have a relationship with your wife? i understand wanting to be with family, but it seemed there was no time for me, no time for our marriage. we didnt speak for a while, then kinda started seeing each other again... then i found her on some dating sites and it hurt me so i stepped back and told her it was over. few months goes by, i told her i was going to file for divorce. she text me the next morning saying she didnt want a divorce and we went back and forth on it and wound up seeing each other again. we lived in seperate places for a almost a year and still rarely saw eachother, i would text her just to tell her i loved her or to ask how her day went...two days would go by and i would finally get a response. i asked why we dont talk or see eachother much, and again she went off to say nothing was ever enough for me and my insecureties where just too much for her...she stop talking to me again. I started getting out in the world again, went out on dates...we were still "friends" on facebook, but i hid her so i wouldnt see anything she would post. she wound up deleting me after seeing that i was going out and i had changed my status to in a relationship...which she doesnt realize is i never changed it to single i just made it public. she text me and said it was too soon for her to see me that and posts about me going out or whatever. this is what she wanted, so why am i the bad guy here? she still says she wants to be with me but knows it wont work as we have tried three times already. says she still loves me and wants to be with me but doesnt like herself when she is with me, (her meaning she doesnt treat me right), and wants me in her life always. I told her she wants the divorce she can file. she told me she couldnt file right now, cant afford it.... i told her i can not remain friends and told her i was cutting ties with her, i changed my number and told her she would only be able to contact me by email when she had divorce papers for me to sign. that is where i left it. I want so badly for us work through this i know there could be a light at the end of tunnel and we could have a better marriage then before. I want to spend my life with her but i can not get through to her and starting to realize as hard as it is to let go, i really should just move on, no matter what my heart wants.
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at work, divorce, facebook, insecure, move on, moved in, moved out, myspace, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your insight. It has been helpful hearing an outsiders point of view :) I am a strong woman and know it is now time to leave this all in the past :) thank you again for reading my long drawn out story :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I think she has a point- you tried already 3 times and it never worked, maybe it's time to accept reality : love is never enough to keep two people together, let alone for the rest of their lives. It takes also other stuff,like compatible personality, shared life visions, willingness to compromise, common goals etc.etc., some of this stuff was missing from your relationship and it's not that easy to fashion it out of nothing, if it was not there alreday. No matter how much in love you are.
Unluckily,your marriage is not legally valid anyway in most of the world , so I would not sweat it that much about filing for divorce. But you should be able to file for divorce in the State where it was celebrated , I'd think ?.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 March 2012):
I think she has a point- you tried already 3 times and it never worked, maybe it's time to accept reality : love is never enough to keep two people together, let alone for the rest of their lives. It takes also other stuff,like compatible personality, shared life visions, willingness to compromise, common goals etc.etc., some of this stuff was missing from your relationship and it's not that easy to fashion it out of nothing, if it was not there alreday. No matter how much in love you are.
Unluckily,your marriage is not legally valid anyway in most of the world , so I would not sweat it that much about filing for divorce. But you should be able to file for divorce in the State where it was celebrated , I'd think ?.
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A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (30 March 2012):
i think you can and will find someone nicer who will treat you rigt i wouldnt mind getting to know you , if only you were in cali. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo janniepeg....yes we eventually to come to realize that our mutual friend was trying to break us up, not only that but to break us up to help save us...if that makes sense, I know there is a word for people who do things like that lol. I am doing my best to move forward with my life, I cut all ties with her and decided I wont be treated like this anymore,not by her,not by anyone. I also forgot to mention....we are both women, my wife and I that is. Which also makes it a bit harder to file for divorce being the state we live in does not recognize gay marriage.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Did she know that the mutual friend was trying to break you up? Maybe she really thought you were cheating on her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): I hate to tell you this, but your wife is having things all her own way. You are "dancing to her tune" at every turn.
She's keeping you dangling and it is totally unfair to ask you to put your life on hold while she goes out behaving like a single woman ...
Don't wait for her to file for divorce - YOU should file for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.
Her behaviour is completely selfish, intolerant of your needs and unacceptable.
Take control of your life or you will have no life!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 bless you it does sound over and time to move on. your just too different a people to live together. its sad but sometimes love alone isnt enough you have to be compatible too. youve given it your best shot xxxx
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