A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any friends to talk to about this, so I’m coming here to get help before I make a fool of myself. There’s this guy (I know, so typical) anyway, I’ve been working with his for the past 2 ½ years. I’ve liked him since he started working with me. The thing is, when he first started I told him how I felt, but he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, then he texted me that if I wanted we could have sex (he didn’t say it like that, he used the F work). I told him no because I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t have sex with any guy unless he means a lot to me because I’ve made mistakes in the past and I don’t want to make anymore. Anyway, that was 2 ½ years ago. But the feelings I’ve had for him, are still there. At first I had it under control. I kept telling myself he’s not the guy for me. I didn’t like what he had text me, I thought and still think it was disrespectful. But after a while, it kept getting harder and harder to think bad about him, because he doesn’t act like a bad guy. He’s always nice to me, he talks to me, and he’ll even stop what he is going to help me. He’s has a great personality! To get to the point. In the last 2 ½ years I’ve been single. Recently, I’ve been starting to feel lonely. I try to talk to other guys but somehow I always end up comparing them to him. I’ve been thinking about taking him up on his offer of having sex with him. Sometimes it feels like I love him, sometimes I really think I do. I know I’m probably not, I’m probably just in love with the idea of him. The last time I was in love I was in high school. And I only count that as puppy love. This feels so much stronger. I want to be near him, and well…. You can image. I’ve been considering it since last year Thanksgiving. The idea came to me when I had the house all to myself, but I was too set on the idea that if I did that I’d be a cheap slut. But would I really be a cheap slut if I took him up on his offer? One time won’t hurt. I just want to share something special with him, but I’m scared of the consequences. This could blow up in my face. I can make a complete fool out of myself, and that is usually enough to talk me out of anything. Today I almost made the proposal to sleep with him. It was the perfect time, we were both leaving and were in the parking lot, but I was too scared and he seemed to be annoyed because he had to work two extra hours because someone called out. I guess what I am trying to ask is, is it okay if I sleep with him? I don’t want to be labeled easy because I am not but I want to be with him in some form of way. Has anyone ever felt the way I do? What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the feedback. It was very helpful and it makes me think more carefully about it. It wouldnt be a smart idea to sleep with him because it'll just make me like him more and if he starts to avoid me afterwards, that would hurt more. To the anonymous male who replied on May 23, I never said I blamed him for anything. If anything, I said I didnt want to make a fool of myself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): I don't see how the guy is being disrespectful since he has been honest with the OP. If a person is old enough to legally have casual sex then they are old enough not to blame anyone else for their mistakes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Forget about labels, the only labels that count are those that you give to yourself, and I am pretty sure that, after the deed, you'd label yourself as a damn fool.
You don't sound comfortable at all with no-strings attached sex, so far you 've always wanted sex to mean something special involving feelings. What makes you think that all of a sudden you have changed ?
You just want to share something " special " with him- only you can be sure it won't be anything special to him, it will be his usual M.O.,just some casual fun that he can have indifferently with you or with .. basically anybody else. He will rate your performance, if you gave an excellent one, he'll keep you around for a while on FWB basis , - if not, he'll just move on and you'll see him much less nice than now, he'll start avoiding you to make his point clear "do not have expectations on me ".
He is not necessarily a bad guy of course, just someone who made very clear that he has very different ideas from you about sex and relationship ( and respect too, because the text IS sort of rude ). You think it could blow in your face, sure it could, I think you are preparing yourself a nice little mini-Hiroshima all for you.
Again, don't feel you have to give up because people could call you a cheap slut, but it would be nice if you could give up because you have enough self esteem to feel you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): Please dont do this to yourself!You know before you start that he will only be using you, and you are hooked up on the thought that something good may come of it!Of course he is being nice to you, he's picked up that you fancy him and sees a quickie for excitementIf he starts out like that, he will only ever use you for that!Then there is the work thing. There WILL be gossip, it will be you who has a bad reputation for it (its never the man)and you will end up feeling worthless.You have to work with this guy after all that.It takes a certain type of girl who can do all that without allowing emotional feelings to creep in, are you that kind of girl? be honest with yourself.He is honest, I'll give him that, but he is also totally disrespectful to you. When he said he could f..... you all he was saying is that he sees you as a good time girl.You already know this, if you do this with him, he will treat you like one.Be prepared for the consequences,it will not be a night of something special, it will be you allowing yourself to be used, thought of as an easy lay, and laughed at!!!!!You will then have to face all those feelings from those actions afterwards and for all the time you work with him.No man is worth doing that to yourself for.
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