A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, I don’t even want to have sex with him when I sleep over. I just want to sleep with him and cuddle. How do I get my parents to understand that I don’t even want anything to happen, I just want to sleep. I get where they’re coming from and that they’re worried. I’m not sure how to bring up the fact that we won’t even do anything, because like I said, i genuinely don’t want to. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2019): I think everybody has already made a lot of good points.
I wanted to add: your parents may be less conservative than you think. Very conservative parents wouldn't let their daughter date until she was older than you!
Don't forget that getting un-pregnant is a LOT harder than getting pregnant.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 March 2019):
 I'd like to add some more :)
Sleeping while cuddling a partner is really lovely. However, you and your boyfriend haven't been together long enough for him to be at the cuddling-only stage in your relationship and it's highly unlikely he's mature enough to move past the hormones that would 100% take over if you cuddled in bed.
When you go to a sleepover, you feel stuck there. If he wanted to try some touching and you said no, would you leave? If you stayed, it would be uncomfortable and he'd feel rejected. If you left, you'd feel guilty and wouldn't want your parents to have been right. Best to just avoid it for now.
Also, a month really is too soon for a boy (or even a man, when you're older) to invite you for a sleepover without sex on his mind.
I'm 23 and I miss the cuddles now that I'm single, but I would still not go to a sleepover with a new boyfriend so soon, especially back when I was 16 - 18. I'd love to have a boyfriend to cuddle, but I have a 4ft teddy bear for the meantime, so I don't make regrettable decisions :P
Trust us that sexual things are on his mind, even if he says they're not, when he invites you for a sleepover. These are some of the potential outcomes:
- you get a bad reputation, whether you have sex or not
- you parents lose trust in your ability to make good decisions
- you feel pressured to have sex or at least have a touching session
- you feel awkward because you don't want to leave, but you realise he does want sexual things, once you get there
- you cuddle in bed, then both of your bodies get taken over by hormones and you either start making out/having sex or you both feel uneasy trying to avoid sex
In general, it takes a mature guy to enjoy cuddling in bed without sex, whereas it usually just takes any girl. Please understand that we totally get your feelings, but that you'd be naive to believe he's inviting you over for cuddles instead of sex.
Don't go, tell him you're not going to be ready for sleepovers any time soon and appreciate that your parents are truly looking out for you with this, otherwise you'd have gone with innocent intentions and regretted it because it's easy to get carried away or be uncomfortable and stuck their overnight.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (26 March 2019):
 Sorry sweets but I seriously doubt if you are going to find anyone on here that will agree that you should be allowed to have a sleepover with a boy when you are 16. It doesn't matter how innocent you may make it sound or what religion the parents are, almost every parent will say NO very loudly and clearly.
We've all been there. Parents can think like a teenager but we also have the wisdom, maturity and experience that comes with becoming an adult.
There are so many things that could go wrong with this situation. What if nothing happens but some of your friends find out? What if the guy talks? Your reputation could be torn to shred. WHAT if he wants to do something and you don't? Are you going to have to fight him off? What if the very extreme happens and you do have sex and you get pregnant?
You see? Your parents truly do have your best interests at heart. Trust them. They aren't trying to make your life hard even thought it seems that way. Things just happen and when its 2 teenagers with raging hormones..Don't put yourself in that situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2019): Would suggest you go and find out about your contraceptive options before you get tempted by your boyfriend. There will definitely be a lot of temptation if you sleep over. Would suggest to get to know each other better first before you stay over
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2019): Sorry, sweetheart, but your parents are right! Teenage-boys don't have sleepovers with teenage-girls; unless he has sex on his mind! He's going to figure-out a way to get you into a situation that could happen. Don't blame it on religion, when your parents don't want their daughter to get pregnant by some slick kid who's trying to angle a clever way to get sex!
Unless he's gay, straight-boys his age aren't likely to just sleep and cuddle with a girl.
My advice to you is not to push your luck; if your parents allow you to date at 16. Many don't! Especially religious conservative parents; who know kids your age are past puberty, and likely to experiment with sex. You may have it in your head to just sleep and cuddle; but I guarantee you that he has bigger plans!
You might be that naive, but your parents aren't!
Just the fact that he invited you for a sleepover means he wants to get you in a bed, alone, and away from home! That's where sex happens, my dear!
Get it out of your head, and you should discourage him from asking you to do things that will upset your parents. I also suggest that you don't get sneaky; which is going to be the next thing, because he is going to pressure you. he's going to try and figure a way to get around your parents. I guarantee that they're already expecting him to try and do that!
If your parents didn't stop you from seeing him after what you asked; you had better ask your boyfriend to show you respect, and just sit next to each other and cuddle. Lying down together will lead to more than that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2019): I also would say no. Think about if you were a mom, would you say yes to your kid? And it's not even about trusting you not to. They don't know your boyfriend well enough to know if he won't pressure or force you. Also don't know his family that well to know if there good people or not.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 March 2019):
 Do you think he wants you to "sleep over" because he just wants to cuddle? NO WAY can you be that naive! He wants you to sleep because you'll get naked with him, and you will WANT TO because RAGING HORMONES!
You do not know the guy. If you are a virgin, you don't know yourself! Stay in the light, in public, out of beds, all of it! You *will* get carried away, and a boy at that age with a girl in his bed could also lose control and who knows what he could do to you while you are asleep?!
No! Go on dates with him. Do not sleep with him. He's a dog for even suggesting something like this, and he does not respect you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2019): I totally side with your parents on this.Just asking this as a mom of 3 grown children I would really be watching everything you do and everywhere you go from now on.Use common sense girl.You have only known this boy for one month...slow it down.Do not sleep with him.Boys that age only want one thing off a girl and then they tell all their friends and anyone who will listen all the details and even add a few that never happened.Trust me on this.Men weigh in tell her like it really was when you were a teen.Before you even begin to think about sex go to the doctor get birth control and with std out there that can kill you have your doctor educate you about that.I can tell by your letter that you are no where near ready to even consider sex.Another thing if you slept over there just to cuddle really think what would be tell the guys at school had happened if it did or not.School can really suck if everyone thinks your easy.The girls will hate you and all the boys will only want one thing.Rember this.....everyone always believe the worst about people if it is true or not.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2019):
 First off, you two have ONLY dated a month.
Secondly, no. Sleeping over at his house should be in separate beds. If "all" you want to do is cuddle, you can cuddle on the couch while watching a movie. That way neither of you will feel tempted to go further than you ought to and the parents can see nothing is going on.
We had my daughter's BF sleep over (only because they got in from a competition at 3 am and his mom wouldn't get back until 9 am) So he GOT the couch. At 8 I woke them both, made breakfast and then his mom came and picked him up. Sure, they are TEENAGERS, but no... there is no way he is sleeping in her bed or vice verse.
If your parents have said no, it's a no.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 March 2019):
 I suggest you cuddle with your boyfriend during the daytime. Dont pressure your parents for a sleep over. It doesnt matter that you dont want sex. Its a matter of principle. No boyfriends spending the night, regardless of nighttime activity.
But dont kid yourself. Teenagers (and adults) do things they didnt plan on all the time. That includes having sex when they originally didnt intend to.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 March 2019):
 Hormones, a boy professing love, some gentle touching in the night, promises of everlasting feelings, if you really loved him you would let him just put his hand up your shirt … in his room it will be all romantic and next thing you know his hand will be creeping elsewhere, your body will react and wham bam sex will happen … I am willing to bet my house on it.
Listen to your parents, they have always had your best interest at heart, not this pubescent boy who you have been dating for a mere four weeks, a month, not even six months, of course he is going to try it on, and even if you say NO who is going to believe you, apart from those who were also a bit thick when they were 17. In his bed? Of course he wants sex.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 March 2019):
OP, I totally get where you're coming from, but you're wrong here. Cuddle on a sofa. Cuddling in bed almost always leads to something when you're young and hormonal, even if you were sure you didn't want it to beforehand. I didn't sleep in bed with a boy until I was 19!
Like I said, cuddle on a sofa. One month of dating is nothing - I don't want you to get defensive about that, but it really is no time at all and too early for sleepovers. Your boyfriend may just want to sleep, but most boys his age wouldn't just be inviting a (very new) girlfriend over for bed cuddles.
Trust us, OP - sleepovers and bed cuddles are too much too soon and your parents are right on this one, so stick to the sofa and appreciate that your parents allow you to have a boyfriend at all, right now. Us girls may just want to cuddle, but it's easy to get caught up in the moment, believe me, and most teenage boys won't invite you over for a sleepover unless they want to see if something sexual will happen.
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