A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have broken up after 4 years together and I feel numb. We've separated because even though we love each other, we're not "in love" and we both knew it and it was completely emotional.Is it normal the feel this unphased after such a long relationship that was actually really good? Nothing was "wrong" and it wasn't a messy break up.Am I heartless? What's wrong with me? We broke up only this evening...
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male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (27 March 2019):
 Love takes time it grows slowly. It's not like the movies. Wen you go to the gym to build muscle. You go one week and see no results. You go for a month and you start to see some changes. Love is like this. Your partner comes home from work and she's had a bad day. She wants to tell you about her crap day. Turn the tv off. Make her a coffee sit down and let her unload on you. When you make a drink you make one for her without her asking and bring it to her. These things build love. If you have love, trust and honesty you have a lot in your relationship. If you make love and have an active sex life you will build love. Affection and little notes to say you love each other. I think you need to give it more time. I have really experienced a deep love for a woman and I have also experienced the loss of losing someone I love. Money can not buy this. You can't just find this love anywhere. Honey give it some time and enjoy the journey...
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 March 2019):
 If your profile age is correct, you were very young when you got together with your ex. It simply sounds like you have both outgrown the relationship, which is totally normal at your age, as you change so much during your teens and 20s.
Be prepared for the emotions to "hit you" when he gets a new girlfriend. Even though you know you two are no longer meant to be in a relationship, the thought of someone else being in "your place" may still hit you hard. This is the point at which many people stat questioning their decision and asking "If I didn't care, would I feel this way?" and "Did I make the wrong decision?" This is when you need to remind yourself of exactly WHY you split up and stay strong.
Spend lots of quality time doing what you enjoy. Go out with friends and spend time with them. Allow yourself to settle from the break-up, then evaluate what you learned and what you want for the future.
A word of caution: the heady "in love" feeling doesn't last. It usually turns into something much more "comfortable" but much more meaningful.
Take care of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2019): No, you're not heartless. I think you're just ready to move-on. You relationship is probably long-past your expiration-date. You get along well; so there was no conflict, or any misunderstanding.
But sister-girlfriend; you're in for on a delayed-reaction...BIG TIME! You need time to miss him first.
Your conscious-mind is cool with it; but when your subconscious thought-processes kick-in, it's going to be "WHAT THE HECK HAVE I DONE?"
You don't yet realize the finality; or feel the full-impact of the fact you've just broken-up. It's been only a few hours.
Intellectually, you've ended things. Emotionally, that's a different ballgame.
It's somewhat like shock; where you're numb at first. Then later on, all the thoughts come flooding in. Like when you're in a car-accident, and you're too dazed to feel anything. It's surreal and you're in the Twilight Zone!
Since you've had a head-start emotionally, you've already adjusted your feelings. You seem to be an analytical person; so you've executed the breakup according to plan. You're both on the same page, apparently; so there was no reason for drama.
Now if you already have someone you like in-mind; then this is just sorting it all out with your boyfriend to pursue another love-interest. There's no unexpected loss involved to trigger any grief. Seeing him with somebody else right-away might trigger something. I'm just saying!
It's not totally unusual for long-term relationships to end amicably. It just means people have come to an understanding that it is better to end-it; than to drag it out when there's nothing to hold-on to. Yet you still like each other. Besides, you're only 22!
Check back with us in a few weeks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 March 2019):
 It might hit you in a week or a month and it might not at all.
There is nothing wrong with you. My guess is you already "left" the relationship ages ago, at least mentally. So when it actually happened you had already processed the break up.
My advice? DO NOT jump into anything new for a GOOD long while. Take your time to process it all and be OK with the break up.
It's OK to NOT fall apart when a relationship ends. JUST like it's OK TO fall apart to. Each of us works through emotions and actions in different ways. There is NO "right" way to think and feel after a break up. OK?
Chin up.
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