A
male
age
30-35,
*ser1994
writes:Basically Ive known this girl for about 3 years now, we first made out on a night out and we have been taking on and off for a couple years now. Everytime we're on a night out together I always go back to hers because we live near eachother. March time this year she got a boyfriend and we stopped speaking, but then in July on a night out we were with eachother again and I ended up going back to hers, her boyfriend found out but they stayed together then she went and done a summer season in magaluf a week later. We didn't speak while she was gone but her and her boyfriend split up because he cheated on her while she was away. She then came back in October and we have been in touch a little bit but I just havent stopped thinking about her for the last year or so and I need to starting speaking to her again but i don't know how to start it all off. I know she probably doesn't think about me but I just want to show her I care for her a lot. What do you suggest I do?
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female
reader, Delirium  +, writes (2 December 2014):
 Well I'm not entirely clear if "going back to hers" is your way of saying you just spend the night, you make out, or you have sex. Either way this girl has maintained a persistent off and on connection with you for 3 years. I would bet it's safe to say she does have some feeling for you because if she didn't then she would have moved on properly by now. If she isn't sure of your feelings then she is probably never going to reveal hers to you. If she is under the impression that you think of her as a f*ck-buddy and nothing more no way is she going to admit how she really feels. Then again she may absolutely not want a serious relationship but you have to ask yourself; is it better to have feelings for this girl but never share them, always waiting and hoping but never quite becoming more? Or is it better to take the risk tell her how you feel and either be turned away (free to move on to find someone else) or to be accepted and actually be more? Don't stress out too much over "how to start off" there is never a perfect way to do that, but honestly most people on the receiving end never notice. Pick up the phone and call, text, email, facebook, send a funny gif, or whatever you would do. Just start with "hi, how is your life going?" and work from there. Girls can be very hard to read sometimes but they have a tendency to open up about their feelings once someone else does. Those feelings my not always be good but, hey, at least you'll know. Good luck! P.S. My current boyfriend of 4 years and I were just friends for 3 years before deciding to date. Apparently we both had feelings for the other we just didn't realize it. And we might have never started dating if it weren't for my friend who took my phone one night, called him, and said he needed to ask me out. My boyfriend said, "Wait she actually likes me?", my friend called him a moron, and we have been together ever since.
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