A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! Im sorry if this is long I really need some good advice or anything. So, im really having a hard time deciding what to do about my current relationship. I met a guy online and we hit it off right away. After our first date we knew we wanted to be together. We always enjoy each others company almost feeling obsessed with one another. We've been together for 8 months so far. Last month I found some suspicious things about him. Old dating website accounts that he still had. He was still taking a look at them but wasn't using them. Texting a girl he use to have sexual relations with. What really threw me off was when I found the number he tried to say it was his coworker. But eventually he came out with it saying it use to be a girl that liked him. I snooped through his old iphone and there was old messages that show on the spotlight and im not sure If those were recent or old. Sexual text messages. I called her myself and she said they were just friends and nothing more. So she lied about it. He also was texting his ex and didn't tell me the whole conversation and tried hiding about it instead. So all this has broken the trust I had towards him. Hes being more honest with me now and open but something still doesn't feel right. Its to the point he wants me to move in with him. And I feel that would be the biggest mistake because of what he has done. So im holding myself back. Sometimes I feel like im only his sex toy because he wants it frequently and asks me a lot about it. But he does try to put a lot of effort to see me and take me out as I do for him as well. But that could all be a well cover up. SO my ex boyfriend who I was with for 3 years has been trying to get me back. I was his first girlfriend and love. He hasn't been with anyone besides me and has been fighting for me the past 5 years. Hes a really good guy and the most loyal and trusting man ever. Even though ive left him and dated others he still waited patiently. And still is. I was always in serious relationships so I told him the truth and felt the need to explore and really know what I truly want. Everytime I go out with my current boyfriend I don't see him loving me for a long time. I feel he is or will cheat on me and lie. Only to soon leave me alone and pregnant. When I see a married couple with kids I only imagine my ex and I that way. I see him more serious and committed. I smile about it thinking about it. I love my current boyfriend so much. Hes intense and makes me feel like an emotional wreck! Fun and crazy just like me. Ive never been bored of this guy. So I guess I can say hes the exciting one! But a danger to my heart.But now I feel like giving my ex another chance to work it out. I feel at this point in my life I want something more serious. Ive always had love for him but it was complicated for me. But it feels different now that ive experienced much more. I can see it working and becoming a beautiful relationship. My boyfriend says hes serious about me and wants to marry me someday. But something tells me otherwise it will be nothing but cheating and lying. Im really indecisive about my love life! Im not sure if I am being paranoid. or just lost about all this.
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co-worker, his ex, my ex, sex toy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): I think you know the answer to this question. Dump the cheater and then consider if you want to go back to your ex. You should consider yourself lucky that you have someone so loyal and who loves you enough to take you back after all of this. If he is really not the one, for whatever reason, then be single for a while and find someone else eventually. But please dump this idiot now and don't look back for one second.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (2 December 2014):
 Your current boyfriend is a cheat, so dump him now. You will have nothing but trouble with him.
After you've left him, then decide whether you want to give it a go with your old flame. If you find he doesn't excite you and you feel that something's missing, you know he isn't the one for you either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 December 2014):
 I think neither of the guys are a good match for you.
The current one has proven to be less then trustworthy, ans once you start losing trust in your partner it's a slippery slope, you will then start to doubt them, resent them, nitpick and snoop to "ensure" that they aren't doing "bad" things anymore. NOT at all healthy. It should NEVER be a GF/BF's job to check their partner's phone to make sure they aren't sexting/texting others in a sexual or other manner. You already doubt him and I think that "gut feeling" that he would leave you pregnant one day? It's spot on. It really wouldn't surprise me if he did.
The ex, as sweet as loyal as he is, there was a reason you two broke up. JUST because you were "first loves" doesn't mean it worked or that it WILL work in the future or long term.
Why settle for either right now? I do agree with CMMP, marriage should NOT be a priority at your age. Live life a little first.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 December 2014):
Many people feel that intensity when their with someone who doesn't treat them right.
But, as you are aware, being with them for the long term will be nothing but heartache.
A smart person chooses someone they're attracted to who treats them well and they enjoy bei g with. For many people that is boring (even if they don't admit it), but boring can be fixed. You can do things together and separately to remain interesting to each other as well as have fun together.
In the end you're very young and marriage should be a minor consideration until you've really met Mr. Right. It's likely that neither of these guys is him, so why don't you consider being single? Is that something you're capable of if it means finding the best guy you can?
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