A
female
age
41-50,
*enie53uk
writes:Hi everyone here my problem my boyfriend and i been together for 4 years since we been together he hasn't worked. But i work 40 hours a week. we said from the start we.want to move in together but i'm thinking of moving into a studio alone for a while, as i'm ready to go but would it be horrible to say to my bf that he can't come with me too.I know i'm scared about how he will react am i doing the rite thing as i cant keep waiting im 31 and hes 26 thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 what does he do all day? does he go to school?
i see nothing wrong with telling him he can't move in until he can pay his fair share of the bills....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): No it would not be horrible of you to move by yourself. If this guy hasnt worked in 4 years, then he wont contribute when you do find a home. You dont want to end up playing mum to this guy. So i would do as suggested by xlaurenx. Move and tell him he is welcome to join you once he is able to fully support himself.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (29 December 2011):
The only thing you can do is tell him its too much for you to support the both of you when he doesn't have stable income and that to save money you need to move into your own place.
If the only reason you want to be on your own is money (as in if he had income, you would still want to live with him) explain that if he does find a job that can support his own cut of the rent that you two could live together again.
Hopefully he's able to understand this. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Just tell him that although you have always said you will move in together, you are ready now and will be finding your own place where he is welcome to stay but until he finds a job and is able to equally contribute to the cost of running a home your plans of living together will have to wait.
If he reacts badly, let him know the only thing stopping him living with you is HIM. If he is able to find a stable job and earn a regular income then it will work but you can't afford to pay his way.
A friend of mine is going through this exact situation. Her boyfriend doesn't work but she wants to have some independence and get her own place. She told him that he can stay over, but not every night or she loses her entitlement to single person council tax reduction, and he will have to contribute to food if he wants to come over and eat most nights as she can't afford to rent the place and feed him. He took it fairly well, did get a little funny with her but it has spurred him on to try harder to get a job. It is very hard at the moment due to the current economy but sometimes people have to be prepared to lower their sights in order to just get a job. My friends boyfriend has found an agency for care work, he's never done it before but now sees he importance of having ANY job do has made do with what is available. Carers are always needed. I did it in the past and would do it again if I had to.
Good luck and I hope your boyfriend understands, if you sit down together and outline just how much it costs and that paying for him will result in water, electric etc... Costing more then he can't really argue. It went ok for my friend so I am sure it will for you too x
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A
female
reader, MyDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou +, writes (29 December 2011):
 He's 26 years old, which means he has chance to heal from your break up as well as to find someone else - which is always a good start.
If you need to be alone, and mature in your own time then that is not a crime - you shouldn't have to feel as though your relationship is a chore to be in.
If you don't want to live with the guy any more- you need to get out of the relationship, it's not fair on the man who you are with, I wouldn't be surprised if he also feels as though it is not working out if you are constantly working and not spending good time together.
But - in order to make the clean break to a studio apartment, you must talk like grown ups about finances and how you are going to sell the place you are living if it is also in your name.
Best of luck.
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