A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with this boy for 3 years and we were absolutely in love... couldn't get enough of each other, we were with each other all the time, and when we weren't together we wanted to be and talked on the phone. the only problem was that my parents are very religious and didn't agree so we sneaked around a lot, and mostly went to his house... then one day he split up with me because it got too much for him and ever since then he's changed so much when we were going out neither of us drank or smoked and definitely stayed clear of drugs but he suddenly started doing all this and now he's addicted to cokeand he's depressed.How do I help him as a friend? Also when we first split up I found out I was pregnant and then I lost it, but he reacted very badly to this. I don't understand why he's changed so much? He keeps coming back to me when I start to move on and get on with my life and says he wants to get back with me and when I decide to give him another chance he starts acting cold towards me and we split up. So I've decided that I most definitely need to move on for my own sake but I'm not sure how to do it any advice?
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male
reader, Tsu  +, writes (9 October 2008):
 lol wow, sounds like your typical dramatic relationship. *sigh* I dunno why you girls put up with it, and of course vice versa why guys put up with stuff.
Ok, my advice. CONTROL your heart. You said yourself, you definitely have to move, so do NOT listen to your heart when he comes back around.
You're heart may say "Oh he's changed, let's give him a chance" or "Maybe if we got back together I can help him change"
NO. This is where you step in and tell your heart the facts. You've tried getting back together, it didn't work. The habits in which he does, smoking, drugs etc, are not approved by you, and he is not willing to quit for you, therefore, you shall have no part in loving that in which he has become.
Always remember, YOU cannot change who he is, what he does, or anything. It is his life, he must live it in accordance with his path. But, as a friend what you should do is encourage him, tell him drugs are not the answer.
I mean, what do they provide? Temporary relief? how the hell will that solve your problems?
And if encouragement doesn't work, tap into his pride and manhood. Lol yes, I'm encouragin youuu to make fun of how weak he is. Say something along the lines of...
* If you are going to drugs to relieve your "stress", why the hell can't you be a man and solve your own problems without the aid of narcotics? I mean, are you that much of a pussy?
* Men are supposed to be strong, and a man that cannot cope with his own problems, CONTROL his habits, or s state of mind, then why don't you just get surgery to become a full time woman? I mean it would suit you well.
If he IS a man, then by all means those should infuriate him, ( by the way, don't say those when he is hyped up on drugs, he prolly won't remember them ) and if they did make him mad, reiterate that in which you have spoken is the TRUTH, said so by a fellow man.
Hopefully, his pride will come into play, oh and do expect to be yelled at, it's kinda our thing we do when we let our prides come into play, just bear with it, it's his way of venting.
Anyways, if his pride comes into play, he will most definitely want to prove you wrong, and as such buck up to be the man he once was. But alas, most guys are stupid, so be prepared for that too.
If your words should fall on faint ears, know there is nothing more in which you can do. It is his life, and the chapter of you and him is over, and let it be.
Yes, it will not be easy, but it must be done.
~ Tsunami
PS - A song that realllyy helped to motivate me to move along would be
"Move Along" by the All American Rejects
A
male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (9 October 2008):
 You just need to cut all ties with him, Tell him you need to get on with your own life, and not to phone/txt you. and that if he does your going to ignore it.
It may be hard at first, but Time is a good healer and you will both eventually move on and meet someone new.
Good luck for the furure :)
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