A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was playing around online and I met this girl (im a lesbian) on myspace and we really hit it off, and yes she is long distance, im in texas shes in new jersey. We moved to facebook and actually started dating long distance. We've been dating for about 15 months and I really love her. I talk to her friends and her aunts and uncles know me. One problem is that, i lied to her. I havent been using my real pictures because I let a prank(long story) go too far. Shes moving to texas to be with a family friend because shes attending college near me (shes 18) and I really want to meet her for the first time, but I dont know how to tell her. Im thinking of writing her a letter first then mailing it, than webcamming. Im not sure what to do. Any ideas? How should I tell her?
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facebook, lesbian, long distance, myspace Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are working on it. She agreed to be good friends til I earn back the trust & then we can worry about dating later.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 What did she say to you?
I don't think its so simple as saying she loved you only for the pictures... you lied to her this whole time. Don't you realise that most, if not all her trust in you would be gone?
She's probably wondering, "what else did she hide/not tell me?"
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTurns out the person loved me only for the pictures they saw.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): I'm gay and a similar situation happened with me. I was very insecure about being in the closet and never thought I'd meet anyone etc so I didn't use my real pics.I had no idea this guy was intersted in me because he acted like he just wanted to be friends. When I talked about going on cam etc he didn't seem interested which to me said he wasn't in me.We weren't even Dating but just flirting and chatting online and he was furious! He told me he never wants to talk to me again. I guess that means he had romanic feelings, right? I apologized but idk...maybe he Just liked and wanted the person in the pics?! I hope your situation turns out Much better than mine.Like everyone says you have to come clean
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female
reader, notsoluckyinluv +, writes (3 June 2011):
You must tell her the truth...A relationship built on a lie will only fail. Come clean and if she really loves you then she will forgive you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe already had plans to move here anyway, because she wants to attend college or go to the navy not sure which exactly. It was just convient for us, so i will indeed tell her this summer, most likely in a letter to her, because I truly love her more than life itself, it was just once i used the pictures playing around i caught real feelings and was too afraid to just come out the blue and say "hey btw those pictures arent me.etc"
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I agree with Drew21, there is really no easy way to do this. You need to be honest with her before she comes to near you or before you guys meet.
It has been over a year that you have lied to her about your appearance and it will create trust issues within you relationship. You will have to prepare yourself for the back lash of that....will she want to meet you etc.
But first I think you should come clean...definitely...before you meet up
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (3 June 2011):
Hi there, I was in a similar situation a long time ago when I was younger. The person I was "dating" had used fake pictures, and I was under the impression that they were the person in the pics. I actually found out myself that they were not, by doing a little digging.
Finding out was a huge blow to me. Whenever I thought about this particular person, I thought about the person in the pictures. It was the face that I matched them up to whenever they came into my thoughts, which was quite often at the time. This was the face I saw when I heard a song on the radio, or watched a movie that reminded me of him. For me to find out that this was NOT him, was a HUGE kick to the gut. I lost all trust in him completely, and I had only known him for THREE MONTHS. I ended up writing him a nice long email explaining how I found out, and the hurt I felt. And then I deleted him from everything. I didn't give him a chance to speak. He didn't deserve a say in it.
You know your girl.. she probably would have suspected something was up a long time ago. It's been FIFTEEN months now. Most people I know of in an LDR (myself included, not making that mistake again) use webcam as a form of communication. Why? Because nothing is better than being so far away, yet still being able to see your loved one smile, or laugh, or even cry. Unless she is naive when it comes to communicating with people online, she would have asked you a long time ago.
But anyway.. you're asking how you can go about this. I guess to fess up and tell her that you're not who you claim you are (physically), would be the most noble thing to do. I think writing an email is the best way. You have time to word it properly and explain it how you think it needs to be told, without the pressure. You have to beware though that this is quite serious and she could do what I did, and cut ties with you. She will see this as you having lied to her ALL THIS TIME, which is a huge breach of trust.
The other thing you can do, is to let her go without her telling her. You can leave her with the idea of yourself still being who she knows you to be. This will be ultimately painful for both of you, as she would not know why you've left her, and may feel like it was her fault.
Either way, the outcome isn't going to be good. You've been living a lie all this time, and to expect her to just forgive you for all you've done for her is a lot. I'm not saying you're a bad person, as I do not personally know you, but I think that this situation has gone on for too long now for her to easily get over such a thing. You know she might get over it if you give her time, but don't expect everything to be okay straight away.
It won't be easy for you or her, so I wish you the best. Let us know how it goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Tell her that you weren't sure before thar you'd be such great friends and you'll fall in love with her, so the pictures were already there and you dint put them because you were insecure and that nervous of you liking her or not. Then simply upload you're pictures on facebook. And then speak on webcam. And let her know that you'll love her no matter what. It happens in many casses. So just relax and be confident cz you'll rock.
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female
reader, Jessicaa  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 something very simular happened to myself but i was the one that had been lied too. If she cases truely she will forgive you with time, but the damage will be done. The thing with long distance relationships is trust is the most needed aspect in them. Just give her time, tell her the truth and except what she decides. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked her ahead by playing around if she'd always love me, and we've been through some rocky times, i've helped her when her father was verbally abusing her, friends leaving her etc. So im hoping that she will see all i've done for her and keep her word and do the same for me.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Definitely tell her some way before you meet.
There is really no easy way to do this. I would get it out of the way as soon as possible. I've heard too many stories of people that did something similar, but never told their partner till the day they showed up to meet them, and it never ends well.
You have to accept that this will probably come as a great shock to her, and it may hurt her quite a bit. How can you not feel betrayed, right?
All you can do is explain it all to her. Tell her why you did what you did, apologize and tell her you didn't mean
to hurt her, but that that you care about her a great deal
and hope that she can forgive you.
After that, the ball is in her court.
Just realize that, in any relationship, Honesty is important
above all else. Any breech of trust in a relationship
is really going to hurt.
I would tell her in some form of letter, email, or even
chat or over the phone, before i would go to Webcam.
This is a tough situation. I wish you the best.
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