A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello everyone. Its been more than a year since i have posted here.Well my life has been wonderful in the past year.The last time when i needed help it was about dating my cousin's ex and i got only one reply saying not to.But it was my bad that i totally ignored went in to a relationship(and we're still together).ok so lets go for the problem side now.Well for the first 7 months of our relationship was going great.we love each other so much and my cousin is totally cool with it.and my boyfriend is so caring and loving.I know he loves me a lot.But after some days I realized that our thinking is very different and all the problems started.And now we fight like 24/7 and I'm the one who get annoyed and rude to him.Now I feel like we no longer have a connection.he's taking our relationship WAAAY more seriously than I amI want to break up with him. The thing is, I have no idea how to do it! I'm almost 18 and I've never broken up with anyone.I dont want to be mean and give a chance for other to talk about me.He introduced me to his family and our relationship is very serious.so i just want to make him dump me.so that he won't get hurt cause of me and nobody could blame me.so please can anyone HELP ME
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 Here is what you asked for:
Initiate the Dumping in a way that causes him to make the decision to dump
Ok, I would rather you be honest to a guy. But you want him to think it was his idea to dump you. So here goes. I might add I have never used these methods. But I have seen the same methods used successfully. I may not agree with this approach, but I know that some people, for cultural reasons, prefer to get the guy to do the dumping, so that they will not be vilified by the guy’s family.
Perfect a truly annoying laugh. One that will have people cringe.
Start getting more clingy. And act in a babyish way. Give him a silly nickname that is infantile. If he is name is Naveen then call him “VeeVee” = a variation on his name but a childish variation. When his friends hear they will make fun of him and he will not like it. If his name was George then call his “GordieWordie.”
Become overly motherly with him. Check his hair and say, ‘are you getting dandruff?” and then examine his hair and ‘tut, tut’ as you do about the state of his hair. Check his nails and insist you think his finger nails have ridges. Shake your head and look bothered. bring the tissue to his nose before he even realises he needs it.Take the tissue back once he has used it and then ask in a concerned voice if he feels well. Offer to get him a glass of water. Fuss Fuss Fuss. It will irritate him.
Look at his phone and when it rings act all concerned. When he has finished look at him and say, ‘it sounded like you were talking to a woman? Who is she?’ Walk out the room as if upset. Shut the door.
Ask him to help you with a task he might not think is his role. Ask him about what flavor cake should you make and as he suggests one then think of reasons why that might be good but then start seeing why his suggestion might not be as good as the next one you think of? Act as if you cannot make a decision.
Choose about five topics that you keep on revisiting. And revisit and revisit.
If he gets cross and says “you have told me that before” then act surprised and say, “did I?” and then repeat the topic again a few days later.
If you find a topic he seriously does not like then find ways to introduce it in different ways into the conversation.
And make sure they are mind numbing topics.
Mind numbing topics: “Do you think we have enough aluminum foil in the pantry?” Then go on to discuss the benefits of different aluminum foil. Even start talking about which side should be up and which side should be down. Then start wondering who invented it. And ask him if he knows. And wonder if crinkled up foil is better or smooth. Trust me the guy will start turning off as soon as you open your mouth.
Another mind numbing topic (one that also gives you a chance to bring in to the equation you having to look at other men) is men’s attire. Shirts in particular. While you are alleged to be discussing the best shirt styles for him you can discuss at length with him shirt styles, styles of buttons, quality or inadequacy of stitching and buttons in a shirt. Point out guys wearing a shirt that is not ok and go on at length about why.
If he is reading the newspaper talk continuously about another story in the newspaper that you can see. It is truly annoying.
Trust me; he will want to go out more often without you. And when he does bring in the baby name for him (see above) and whine and complain and act all hurt and accuse him of always leaving you. And question his commitment.
You can develop something really truly boring into a seriously mind numbing topic. It is a complete turn off.
Text him often. Call him to ask for his opinion on the tiniest thing. Email him. Then complain if he is slow to respond. “Don’t you love me “GordieGoo” (baby name variation)
Ask him to come shopping with you and then leave him sitting in the store while you change into all sorts of things. Keep him waiting for ages.
Do NOT be on time. If he says 8.00am to start the trip to reach a destination then get outside late by ten minutes. Next time be 12 minutes late . If he accuses you of being late then smile sweetly and say “ Was I really?”“ Act very surprised to find that you were late, . Say you are sorry but be 14 minutes late next time.
Make two cakes. One perfect, the other not. Cook something but make a mistake. (Leave out the sugar in a cake). Burst into tears when he says it tastes terrible. Once he has gone get rid of the horrible cake so it is never able to be found by anyone. Get out the good cake. Cut away what he ate the get rid of that portion so it is never found again. Invite his mother over and ask her to try the cake. It will taste OK. After she has eaten one piece then burst into tears about him saying it tasted terrible. Insist that his mother takes away, to share with the rest of the family. Since he said the cake was no good. Act very grateful to his Mother.
If he wants to go somewhere – just the two of you – say you would friend to come through as she’s been sad. Try to only talk to her. But in his presence. And on the few occasions when you do talk to him then use baby talk.
Change your mind at least once or twice a day. Change your mind multiple times about the same subject.
Better still if you can complain for 30 minutes about something he wants you to do. Keep on discussing it over and over again. This is useful for a task that would take you no more than 5 minutes to do the task.
But talk about how you do not have the time to do it, should not have to do that job and why. Make it a minor task. It wastes time and it is Sooooo annoying.
Here are some extra links that might help you to learn more:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-survival-guide-for-the-serial-dumpee.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/to-all-young-girls-with-a-boyfriend.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/22--great-articles-from-great-aunts-and.html
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 In reply to your follow up: You are not married to your boyfriend! If you were married it would be different. But you never promised him to be there until the day he dies, to never leave him, and to always stand by him. You haven't married him. So you are FREE to leave him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2012):
 my now ex husband manipulated our relationship to the point that he left but he made ME look like the bad guy.... I will never forgive him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 September 2012):
You need to tell him that you want to end the relationship. There's a first for everything, this will be your first time to break up with someone.
You can't make him break up with you. It's also a very cowardly and manipulative thing to do. You shouldn't lie to him, or play games with him. Tell him the truth about how you feel!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2012):
you can't live your life for some soon to be ex boyfriend's family...
bite the bullet and let him know that you are no longer happy.
to be honest it will hurt him no matter what... it will hurt him even if you turn in to an evil person that forces him to break up with you... no matter what you are going to be "the bad guy"
so be an adult and let him know, it's not working for you and you want to end it... nicely...
the truth of the matter is, when a person really REALLY loves you, they want you to be happy even if it's NOT with them so if he doesn't want you to be happy (meaning he wants you to stay with him) then he doesn't really love you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Honestly, just dump him. Get him out of your life. If his family talks smack about you there is nothing you can do. They will talk smack about you even if HE dumped you.
Just end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a painless relationship breakup when love is involved.
You're just going to have to be straight with him and tell him that you no longer want to be in this relationship, but also point out ways it would be best for both of you and not just yourself.
He will hurt, there's no doubt about that, but if you're not happy with him, then you've got to do the right thing for you.
Its better for him to be miserable for a few months after a breakup, than to be miserable for the rest of his life in a relationship with someone who can't offer him everything a loving and genuine girlfriend could, he needs to realize this for the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not trying to run away from the blame. . the thing is my sister and his cousin dates like 6years back and she broke up with him, they still talk bad about my sister by then i never even met my bf.and when we got together his cousin was not happy with me.and my bf gave him the guarantee that i'm not anything like my sister and I'll never leave him.and if i breakup with him his family will get the chance to accuse both me and his sister
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Oh you want the best of everything, do you? You're sick of him and you want to dump him but you want to save face too? You know, you say you're 18 and its about to start acting like an adult and take some responsibility. Don't run like a coward and expect him to dump you; if you think the relationship has run its course and you are done with him, then talk to him yourself and call it quits. Explain to him that you don't see it going anywhere and you would rather be happy alone than with him. That's the decent way of doing things. Stop running away from situations and tell me, where does the question of placing blame come from? People date to see how compatible they are and if they feel that they're not, they move on. No one will blame you and if they do, then they're the most useless, irrelevant people who have nothing better to do and why do you even bother about what they have to say?
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