A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am in a committed relationship since 38months.my bf knows that i dont like drinking.still whenever he parties with his friends he always calls and ask whether he could drink a little.i always say choose 1 and he chooses me.last month he drank with his friends after 2.5 years.he broke my trust and heart not only that he even smoked.i cant tolerate my partner drinking or smoking.again he went to a party after that incidence and again he asked the same question.i said that my answer will be always no but he said he will keep on asking.m fed up.what to do?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni got frustated and drank beer (small quantity) and even smoked with 2 of my guy friends and 1 girl friend.i did a simple pole dance with all my clothes on lol.i confessed my bf and said sorry.he abused me very badly but later on he got convinced.now what?i am just messing up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Again Karlos is right OP, if you both have to get permission from each other to do things or have so many different things that neither of you like the other to do then that's not a very good sounding relationship. You're too different then.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Relationships aren't to be based on throwing orders at, and having to change the other person to suit you, this just creates unnecessary problems as you now know.
Its always wise to choose a partner that suits you from the start really.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know but even i respect his choices whenever he stops me.now a days he has started behaving strangely and yes i am thinking to break up.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 he asks
you say no
he does it anyway
you are fed up
he is not happy
i think it's time to consider ending the relationship as you have different fundamental beliefs about life...
you don't like drinking and smoking
and he does.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): Karlos is right OP you and he are just not compatible. He likes to drink and smoke, you don't like him doing that.
Now I respect your beliefs, there is nothing wrong with not liking drinking or smoking but I do disagree with how much you're trying to control him, I think it's unfair of you to try and impose your beliefs on him.
I don't have to ask my girlfriend permission to do anything I wouldn't be with a girl who I did.
OP seeing as you're not willing to compromise and he's not going to stop wanting to party then you two are not compatible it's time you reconsidered whether being with a guy who doesn't have the same core beliefs as you is really worth it. He's obviously doing his best to please you but you won't allow him any freedom on this issue at all. I'm quite curious as to why that is to be honest. I don't see what's so bad about drinking that you feel hurt and that your trust is broken if he does.
I have to say I personally think you're being selfish and unreasonable but he agreed to these terms and knew you were like this and he still made the choice to be with you, so he shouldn't have stayed with a girl if he doesn't want to live by the conditions he agreed to.
Either compromise on this or it's time to look for a guy who shares your beliefs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): Why don't you set yourselves free from each other?
He likes a drink with his friends and probably always will (nothing wrong with that)
You don't like him drinking and you probably never will (I guess there's nothing wrong with your personal preference in a person)
And its unfair to make him choose either a harmless drink and a social session with his friends, or his relationship with you.
Example: What if you and a group of your friends occasionally meet up for a day of pampering, spa, sun beds, the lot, and he said to you "No, its either me or your day with your friends but you can't have both"...
How selfish and unreasonable does that sound?
Would that not bother you?
I think you need to be with someone who doesn't drink and doesn't want a social life, but instead wants to stay in the house and have his world revolve around you.
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