A
female
age
41-50,
*enr9074
writes:SO I have been with my boyfriend for six years. When we first started dating he was amazing. He still is an amazing person works hard, and I know he loves me. Everyone who meets him loves him and thinks he's a great guy. The thing is things are different know and we spend so much time arguing. Mostly because I dont feel like he enjoys my company anymore. We recently moved back into his parents house a few months ago to save up for a house. He never wants to do anything with me anymore. I feel like I have to force him to do things with me and he rather be at home laying around playing video games. So I push to do things with him. I also will stay at home on our days off playing video games, which is what he loves to do unfortunelty. I've tried and tried for years to explain to him what I need from him and he always says he will but he doesn't. Is it really to much to ask to have him want to do things with me or have him say a kind word to me once a day? So I guess what I'm asking is if I should leave him for awhile. Maybe go back home for a few weeks. I've never left him and I've made it clear that I never would. Should I make myself more unavailable to him? I'm just scared that he won't come after me. I also don't want to make things akward for me at his parents house if I just disapear for a while.....HELP!! I don't want to lose him and I know I am an insecure person but he knows that as well and I have given him plenty of oppertunities to leave me if he wasn't sure that I was the one he wanted.
View related questions:
insecure, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, womanat31 +, writes (10 November 2010):
I used to agree with what the others have posted...but now I'm not so sure. I have ended two long-term relationships for this reason. One of three years, and almost two years ago, I ended a seven year relationship. And I have serious regrets. Both were wonderful men- good-hearted, faithful, excellent providers, no abuse or addictions of ANY kind... These qualities in men are NOT easy to find, and the older I get, the more difficult! With both men, things started out great, but then they began to take me for granted; I kind of felt like like I blended in with the wallpaper or something. I even convinced myself that they probably wouldn't care if I left, anyway. My friends encouraged me to leave, on both accounts- "you deserve better", "there are plenty of men out there who will give you the attention and affection you deserve". (Let's ignore the fact that one of these friends is now married to one of the men she encouraged me to leave!) If your friends are telling you to stay with him because he is a good guy, maybe they want to save you the pain of finding out the hard way that a good man is hard to find. And maybe they realize that every relationship will go through rough periods like this. Try to focus your energy on researching new ways to connect with him, instead of whether or not you should leave him. Just think long and hard before you go. I wish someone would have told me this...
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 January 2009):
 My current boyfriend sounds incredibly similar to yours...when we first met he was so loving and attentive and wanted to spend all his time with me. Since we have moved in together he barely acknowledges my existance. I have told him a million times it hurts me that he never wants to go out with me (yet will go out with his friends at the drop of a hat - and of course no girls allowed!) and I just wish that every now and then he would do something nice for me after all the effort I put in to our relationship.
But I've come to realise; no matter how many times I tell him or get upset about it, he will never change. Some men become lazy in relationships and take what they have got for granted.
Even if you leave, he will of course miss you and then you will go back to him, but the cycle will repeat again. The bottom line is that when one person wants the relationship to work and the other doesnt put the same effort in, it will never work. I think the time has come to accept that it is over for good and you have to move on completely. There are men out there who treat their girlfriends right and continue to for the rest of their lives. Dont accept this behaviour!
It sounds to me like your guy wont ever leave you because he knows he has got it good, and instead of you worrying that he has doubts over you....I think you have doubts that he is the right guy for you!
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, jenr9074 +, writes (22 January 2009):
jenr9074 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for that perspective. Talking to my girls isn't really helpful cause they all really think he's a great nice guy, which he is he just doesn't make me feel loved anymore and it makes me feel very insecure. I miss what we used to have and would give anything to have it back. Thanks again. Maybe I will take a break for ME for a little while and maybe he will realize what he has. Thanks Hun :)
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 January 2009):
 If you leave him, don't do it for HIM, do it for YOU! Let's face it, girl, he sounds like a really lame boyfriend. He's not treating you right! You guys are fighting all of the time, he's basically checked out of your relationship... why would you stick around for such a lousy boyfriend when there are SO MANY OTHER (cliché alert) FISH IN THE SEA?!?
Seriously, I think you need to rethink your reasons for breaking up with him. I think you're on the right track... because you know all the reasons why he's a crappy boyfriend... but I don't think you know why you deserve so much better - a different guy! Break up with him because you are done with his behavior and you need a man who is going to make you feel awesome about yourself and who you'll have fun with.
If he really wants you back, he'll change and he'll prove that he's different. If he doesn't come back, well then he's clearly an idiot and why would you want to date him ANYWAY? If he doesn't appreciate what he's got, ditch him and find a guy who really will.
*phew*
Good luck, sweetness!
...............................
|
