A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 14 and need advice on what to tell people when I go to the therapist. I will go on Monday for the first time. It is weekly and will fall on the same day, time and lesson. The teachers know but I'm unsure about what I'll say to my 'class mates' if asked were I go. I am going because I was mentally abused until the age of 9 by my father and still can't cope because of it. I can't talk to new people (so I feel therapy won't help) I am incredibly self conscious and put myself down constantly. No-one but the teachers and family know about my past and I'd like it to stay that way so what should I say if they ask, without sounding rude and mean? Thank you Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014): You could choose something boring, like extra tutoring. Most people would just leave it at that because it doesn't sound interesting or a lie.
Don't say you don't think it'll work; you need to meet them half way and push your comfort zone when you talk to them over time; they won't expect you to throw yourself into it during the first session.
I had counselling when I was your age and people asked, so I just said that I was seeing someone who was helping me with some things to do with my family and I didn't want to go into it. It would be true for you (just vague) and it's easy to stick to and remember.
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (25 April 2014):
 Hi,Thank you for the question. I would say the best thing to do is have a small "white lie" that you can say. Something that sounds plausible and people won't bat an eyelid."Oh I sprained my ankle at home and going to a physio" something like that.I know how hard it is, when I was younger I had to see a psychiatrist because when my great grandfather passed away I was only 8 and was sat on his knee. It hit me really hard and I made a diary of who I'd invite to my own funeral.My parent's found the diary and got concerned, but after a few sessions and missing the odd few hours at school, I found out that the other kid's didn't really pay it any attention. Yet, I had all the worry of that people would think I was weird if it came out about writing the diary.Good luck and I hope you can learn to trust again.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 April 2014):
 How would your classmates even come to find out? Will these therapy sessions take place in school during school hours? If so, then don't volunteer anything, but if it comes up be casual and matter of fact and just tell them it's additional tutoring in one of your subjects.
Act as if this is the most normal thing in the world because it is.
Don't set yourself up for failure by assuming it won't help. Set reasonable expectations. Therapy won't cure you, but it can help you see your situation from a new perspective and help you come up with ways to help yourself. Ultimately your recovery is your responsibility so you'll need patience, faith, determination and an open mind.
We all have burdens in life to carry. You're not alone and far from unique in this. In fact many therapists choose that line of work because they've suffered some trauma themselves and helping others is part of their own recovery.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): On the very first session, ask your therapist what you should do.It's a tricky situation because the ideal way to handle it would just be to tell the truth and to not feel ashamed.BUT the reality doesn't always match up - you may have to tell a 'white lie' to protect yourself and your boundaries from unwanted attention from your classmates.Really, the therapist should know how to advise you on handling this. Your classmates are unlikely to notice much if you are absent for only your first session. It's afterwards that they will start to notice and, if you give a vague or elusive response, they may just want to know even more - in other words being vague could backfire because at your age classmates can be incredibly nosy!I personally, on this occasion only, would discuss with the therapist whether you should say a 'white lie' and, if asked, just say you have to have a physical treatment. There is so much stigma surrounding anything loosely thought of as 'mental health' that it's not fair to force you to 'come clean' and be subjected to people's immaturity about that issue - you've got a hard enough task just sorting yourself out, without having to start living up to society's ideal standards of truth when not many other people are!Best of luck with it all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 April 2014):
 First of all, good that you are getting to see a therapist. Don't sell yourself Or the therapist short by saying you don't "believe" in that stuff. You are 13-15 and NO experience with it. TRY it and TRY and make it work.
I went through (CBT) cognitive behavioral therapy as a teen thinking there wasn't anything that really could be done. ( I'm OCD and had severe anxiety attacks and a eating disorder stemming from the OCD) - BUT IT did help me a lot. My first therapist wasn't that good a fit and I got a second one that was. Go for it. WANT to make things better for YOURSELF. GO and get tools that can help you beat the past. That can help you move on from being a VICTIM of abuse, to a survivor.
Second of all IF anyone asks tell them you have doctors appointment every Monday. If they ask why, be honest and tell them you don't really want to talk about it. IT IS OK, to have parts of you life you do not wish to share with class mates.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (25 April 2014):
 Just to add, you hid it away in a bracket that you don't think therapy will help because you find it hard to talk to new people. The therapist will only be a stranger at the first appointment. The therapist is used to dealing with people who are timid, scared, anxious, even reluctant. I hope yours is well trained and experienced enough to put you at your ease so you'll feel comfortable enough to talk and engage. Don't be disappointed if this doesn't happen in the first few appointments but do give it a shot. I think and hope therapy will help you.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (25 April 2014):
I agree with anon, just say you started new treatment. Most will assume it's medical, e.g. physiotherapy. In this case, though you have nothing to be ashamed of in seeing a therapist, you are entitled to privacy and a white lie about the exact nature of your treatment is fine. Hope it goes well and helps you x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): Just say you have a doctor's appointment.
They will probably assume it's for physical therapy, or a chiropractor, or something like that.
If they are rude enough to say, "What kind of doctor?" then you can either:
1.. Say, "Sorry, but that's none of your business" or I'd rather not talk about it."
2. Tell them you're seeing a counselor.
1. Lie and say "a physical therapist."
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 April 2014):
 Say that you have some family things to arrange and that they must remain private for the sake of your relative.
All the best.
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