A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently started getting "serious" with a guy I like and we are pretty happy, except I'm really nervous about one thing: sex. I'm still a virgin and no, this is not my 1st relationship-the problem is that my last one ended because the guy was pressuring me into having sex. It seems like pre-marital sex is now the norm, but I still value keeping it and plan on it. How do I deal with this when my current boyfriend wants to get intimate?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Good for you hun!!I wish there were more people like us! Im 27,a virgin and waiting until i get married to have sex. Fortunatly i found a great guy who is is willing to wait and we have been together for 6 years!
In the past i have had boyfriends who at 1st said they respected my decision but a few weeks in the relationship they try to change my mind...1 guy even dumped me via text!
My advice-dont change,dont give in to pressure. If he loves you and respects you trust me he will wait.
Be honest with him and if need be move on and find someone else.
Its a beautiful thing you are doing and i cannot stress how much respect you have for yourself-these days no one has that amount of respect.
So PLEASE,PLEASE be strong and dont give in to him.
Good luck!
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Consider this: knowing your position on this issue it will say loads about your character if you give it up under pressure. Stay the course and relish the day you go into marriage with such a unique gift.
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A
female
reader, kissyheart  +, writes (27 February 2010):
well,just tell him if you love me please respect my decision.if you dont wanna lose your virginity just tell him a no.in this way you will get to know if this guy really loves you or no.
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A
female
reader, dee83832010  +, writes (27 February 2010):
Looking at this question i think you have more or less answere it for yourself. You state that "YOU" want to stay a virgin until you marry, which is the main priority. This is your choice to make and you need to identify if it is your beliefs or your boyfriend that you feel is more important to your overall outlook/ goals in life.Remember there is only one chance to lose your virginity but a zillion guys in this world.The fact that he knows of you choice and yet is still persisting in trying to make you do something that you clearly do not want to do says a lot about his outlook/ respect for you. If he really cared for you as much as he says then maybe he needs to consider what is a priority you or your virginity!!!Im assuming that he must have known the score when you started to get serious and therefore should not try to flip the coin now.My honest opinion is that i think you should stick to your guns and if he ups and leaves then you were well shot anyway!!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 February 2010):
 Sorry... wrong post.. ignore my last comment.. I made a mistake
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 February 2010):
oh yes... totally forgot about the dangers of herpes, which stays with you for life... multiple partners is really not safe these days.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 If you have to resort to dearcupid for your answer, your faith is getting shaky. Don't you think so? The guys tell you forget about religious dogma. The girls tell you don't do it because they had been hurt. In the heat of the moment could you still convince him or yourself why waiting is good for you both? I am sure it's more than just a relgious thing. There are spiritual reasons too, which is still very vague in meaning to me. You let your chakra energies raise up your spine, instead of releasing it through your lower chakras. Yah, really look up that erotic stuff Bharat Mehta told you about. My mom married my dad a virgin when she was 26. She said it was silly to have waited that long. Don't worry, you either do it or you don't. If you succumb to your temptation, say oh well, now I know what it feels like.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 Tell him your limits and boundaries and he should respect your wishes.
If he is interested in sex only and not in love and commitments ,then I think he will disappear and not the right one for you .
The problem is ,in the heat of the moment , you may not be able to control the situation.
Saying is one thing and doing it is another.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Stick to your guns, make it clear to him now that it isnt going to happen unless, you hear wedding bells.
You have to do what yuo feel is right in this life and if you give in to temptations you only make yourself unhappy in the long run.
Tell him now, but be careful sex has a strange way of just happinen
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 February 2010):
You need to make it clear to any man you date that your not intrested in sex before marriage. Make it clear to them before you agree to be their girlfriend. These are your views, being a virgin on your wedding night is important to you. However the world has changed, this is not important to everyone. Just keep telling your boyfriend no, explain your views again. He will either respect your no-sex views and stay or he won't and then he'll go and find someone else to be intimate with.
Just one question.. If this guy is not the person you want to marry, why bother dating at all, why not just hang out with friends and avoid getting into an intimate situation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Some people think it is fine to jump into bed after the first "I love you" and the only way they know how to express love is using their body and physically expressing it. But a lasting and satisfying relationship is built on more than a sexual relationship and I admire your strength for staying true to what you want and who you are. If a man pressures you for sex he isn't someone worth staying with, as he will never respect your values and morals if he feels ok to push for sex.Don't give up on your beliefs. Just because people feel its ok to jump into bed with anyone doesn't make that right for everyone. When you meet the right man, he will admire you and also value you more for keeping yourself until marriage.As for dealing with your current boyfriend, tell him that this is who you are and you have strong morals regarding sex. Ask him to try to understand the importance of this and that you are not about to give up on your beliefs. Love isn't measured with sex and if he can't understand it, let him go.
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A
female
reader, charmzx5 +, writes (26 February 2010):
 it good that yoy want to wait until you married to have sex.If i was in you shoes i would tell him if he loves me then he can wait and if he tells you he can't then truth be told he only wants one thing and one thing only (by:Dayna,age:15)
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A
female
reader, qpwoei +, writes (26 February 2010):
Don't do it, don't have sex no matter how much pressure you are under to do so, I assure you you'll most likely regret it later on. I was in the exact same situation and my boyfriend was ten years older than me, so I thought he's act more mature about my feelings, he didn't, he said no sex then no relationship. I was stupidly dumb in love, gave into him, and I should of known then that he didn't love me for threatening to break up with me over it. Now 2 years down the line, I've realised he's not cared or loved me half as much as i've deserved and it's all over. He wasted two years of my life, and took away my confidence and morality. If a man truley loves you, as much as it may frustrate him to wait, he will indeed wait, for love.
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A
female
reader, Robyn1313 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Do you love him, and does he love you. if he did love you then tell him you are not ready to have sex. Tell him if you ahd sex, does he plan to hold your hand as you push out his love child. sometimes condoms break and the pill does not work. if he loves you he will wait until you are ready.
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A
male
reader, Psychology101 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Stay true to your self, make sure he knows that you are NOT going to have sex until you get married. If he Doesnt like that then HE is NOT the ONE for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): If you want to live by the standards of no premarital sex, wouldnt you be much much happier having a boyfriend who shares those views with you? I mean why would you follow this belief and then wait with sex until marriage only to discover that your husband has had sex with multiple women before you and could bring potential STDs into the marriage. That would be horrible. You would also have to live knowing that your man never shared your values. Are you sure you are comfortable being with a man who doesnt share the same values as you?
If you dont care about the man being a virgin too or not, simply explain to him that you are old school and will wait until you are married. I also think you do good in not keeping the men who dont respect this. They know what they got themselves into when they entered the relationship with you and should respect that.
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A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (26 February 2010):
 I don't know ow you would tell him, but I honestly think that if he does love you then he will wait for you and if he can't then he's just not the man for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): If he really cares about you, he'll stay with you and never make you feel guilty for wanting to wait.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta +, writes (26 February 2010):
 There is one option for you, which is more exciting, and more intimate form of making love. By sex, usually we mean to have vaginal penetration, that cause female to losing virginity. Most male, and even female also think, that sex means to have vaginal penetration, and it is the first thing, that make sex more intimate. The truth lay on exact opposite of belief. Make sure by observation, that most marriage relation loss intimacy, and even excitement of sex also. So, what is most important to sex pleasure is not to have vaginal penetration. But to lead 'erotic sex' with total dedication, total intimacy, and totally devoted way.
Yes... it is eroticism, that has the power to make sexual act more vibrant, more alive, and extremely lovable. I request you both to read some web pages, about 'eroticism'...Such term will help you to bring lot of information and guidance about erotic sex play.
for your guidance, I am quoting here few quote of very learned scholars on the subject.
[1]sovereignty." - Mario Vargas Eroticism has its own moral justification because it says that pleasure is enough for me; it is a statement of the individual's Llosa
[2]"In this loveless everyday life eroticism is a substitute for love." - Henri Lefebvre
[3]Eroticism is the quality of sexual excitement. In other words, if something is sexually exciting, then it is said to be erotic. Eroticism is an erotic feeling. It is named after Eros, the Ancient Greek god of love
[4]Erotic Enlightment is the Key to Happiness in Society
[5]People who have studied this subject say that erotica is not harmful to anyone, and may be helpful with people's loving relationships. The same writers say that pornography, which generally shows a person being treated without respect or love, is not helpful with people's loving relationships.
I advise you to study in details about how to make erotic love, what it involve, and what sort of attitude it required....if you feel confusion, please write me...I will guide you or I will send you some link, that will teach about eroticism. ....
Note: I am not advocate of saving 'virginity' in religiously demanded moral, ...but respect 'eroticism' because it make life totally in heavenly mode.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
You have to be honest with him. You have to tell him that you won't have sex before you're marriage. How he reacts will tell what he wants from you.
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