A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i really need help!My boyfriend is a very honest person, he's shared a lot of information with me since we've got together. It's been hard to take it all in; his past etc. However, i'm willing to accept him as a person. I really like him and I want the relationship to work out. The problem is, he does drugs; Cocaine and Mephedrone. I've done a little research on them and the effects are not too worrying! however, there are serious health risks involved - especially with Mephedrone, there have been cases where people have died after a high dosage. This obviously worries me about my boyfriends health! He is very considerate, the twice that he's wanted to take drugs within my company - he's asked my permission first! But since at the time I had no knowledge of the drug, I said "yeah it's fine" then he'd ask me again to make sure i was okay with it. However, since doing research i'm very worried for him! There are many serious risks such as going into a coma, heart problems and even death.But what can I do? I want him to stop but I don't want to seem controlling. He also drinks quite alot, but I know this self-abuse is a result of personal family problems. Once he hinted to me that he needs someone to calm him down - Unlike him, i'm very sensible and careful. I would never take drugs or smoke! I do however, drink occasionally. But we all need some pleasures in life don't we? Back to the original subject; I'm quite sure he wants help! I think deep-down he knows that drugs and drinking is not the answer to his problems! However as I stated before, I want to help him but don't want to seem controlling at the same time. I'd feel as though I would be taking away his simple pleasures in life! Any advice will be appreciated x
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kandykane  +, writes (30 March 2010):
I've been in your spot.
The sad sad truth is, you cant take on a drug addict.
The drugs are stronger than you.
He may love you with his heart
But his body and mind love the drugs.
I dated a few drug addicts
I DEFINATLEY AM NOT ONE. I always stayed with them because I wanted them to change,
but considering how hard it is to change yourself
imagine how hard it will be to change someone else.
Its hard to leave a drug addict because you really care and worry for them, but its so much pain and stress on you.
He does ned you though, for support, but he will need more than just you
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Your being there for him will not help him . You are there as his clutch .
The only way to help him is to leave him and when the reality sinks in , he will want to change and give up drugs.
If he does not want to give up his habits, there is nothing you can do about it. It is his choice.
Whether you are there or not there will not make a difference.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 March 2010):
First you need to realize that a drug addict cannot be helped unless they want to help themselves. You can't help him until he takes the steps himself to cure his drug problem. Second, cocain and mephedrone are not just simple pleasures in life! Simple pleasures are playing a game of golf on the weekend or going for a walk in the park...not abusing illegal substances!
Also, I dated a drug user. He often did ecstasy and cocaine. I did none of those (tried, but not used more than once); therefore, he cheated on me and left me for a girl that apparently felt that that lifestyle was more acceptable and did drugs with him. Very good people abuse drugs; however, the addiction can make them do very bad things. Needing the drugs badly enough can make them do all sorts of things if they cannot get it...they'll lie, cheat, and steal. Also while coming off any of those drugs can cause major aggrivation and cause him to be hostile or even physcially abusive.
I think you should speak with him. Let him know that you care about him very much, but if he's going to continue with the drug use that you cannot be in that type of relationship. Let him know that you'll be there for him and do whatever you can in your power to help him, but he needs to take the first steps to getting off the drugs. But don't be disappointed if he chooses the drugs over you, it happens A LOT. Their brain thinks it needs these drugs to function and will do whatever they can to get it, even if it means losing the people they love. Be strong.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): I agree with CaringGuy. There are a LOT of fish in the sea (whether we personally think so or not). Being in a relationship where such hard drugs are a central concern is NOT healthy for you (ie. - the amount of worry that must be on your mind must be incredible). If you really care for your boyfriend, give him an ultimatum of cleaning up and STICK TO IT. If there is any healthy part to the relationship then he ought to be able to agree to it genuinely.
Don't kidd yourself on how dangerous such drugs can be... not just for health effects, but also the social consequences of destroying finances, career limitations, etc... it's a dangerous road and at your age you don't deserve to go down it.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2010):
You don't want to seem too controlling? THAT MAN IS ON DRUGS! You're not his mother, so stop trying to help. You can't help a man like this. He has to help himself, and he has to want to do it for himself. He even did drugs on front of you. Asking for permission doesn't make him any better, and doesn't make it any less illegal. There is more of a chance that you will end up on drugs that he will stop taking them. You need to stop seeing him. He needs to sort himself out. Stay, and you will be walking into trouble. Either you'll end up on drugs, or one day you'll have to identify his body when he overdoses. Or you'll be looking at him in the dock while he's on trial for drug offences.
...............................
|
