A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im nearly 30 and im desperate for another child! I have a 7 yr old daughter I was with her father 5 yrs! I met a man who I was totally madly inlove with and I would of loved for him to be the father of my child, but love is blind and this man was cheating lieing and a mental abuser! This was 3 yrs ago and its taken alot of councilling and therapy to get through it! I then met a man and thought id finally met the one, but he didnt want marriage or kids as he had a 3 yr old already! That was 6 months ago and im alot happier now and think im ready to date again! Im so worried that my time is running out! What if I just dont meet the one to have a family with id be devastated for life. Im not the type of girl to have boyfriend after boyfriend when I find someone they are all long term but im not really getting what I should want out of it! The feeling for having a baby is so bad somedays, I just dont want a baby with anyone I want a proper famliy, and supportive partner which I have never had. How can I take away this feelings?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): Chill out, OP, you have at least 10 years before any fertility problems kick in.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (23 January 2012):
 and p.s.
I know that of course you have a family in yourself and your daughter, but it really is not the same as having a man in the family as well, and other siblings and/or the possibility to have more children whenever you and your partner want. You have to be VERY careful who you build your life with, because it has to be someone who will genuinely love your daughter, not just 'be nice' to her. And not all people have that in them. BUT, you are right - there is another level of being a family, with two parents, and siblings, and that is what you want - so don't listen to people who say you should be damn grateful for what you've got. I'm sure you are incredibly grateful for your daughter, but you just want to give her the kind of family life a lot of her friends have. We all want the best for our children. And if you want to go down that path, you go for it.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (23 January 2012):
I understand, I so understand. It is a terrible longing, and I know you want not just a baby, but also, as you say, the kind of normal, kind, reasonable partner we with children all dream of.
BUT, and this is a big but - you really do have time on your side. Nearly 30 is a great age. You still have 15 years to have more kids, and life can change so quickly! I am sure, totally sure, you will meet someone. So just: take your time. Make sure this guy really is the right person.
There are pros and cons about internet dating, but have you thought of searching for 'the perfect guy' online? You would at least be able to screen those who want/don't want children, those who are open to fathering other people's children, etc. You could then rule out the crap before you even got involved ... might be an idea. Go about this like some kind of project. Find someone really good for yourself and your daughter. Even if it takes a couple of years, you still have loads of time. Just don't rush into anything, and don't let your hormones force you into anything!!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 I didn't have my first child until I was 30 and had the last one at 35 so don't stress you are not running out of time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 You DO have a family. How do you think your daughter would feel if she knew you don't think of you two as a proper family ? what is it in your eyes - a makeshift family, a " not good enough " family ?.
And, should you not start from the guy , not from the future child ? Meaning, IF you find someone for the long haul , but ONLY if he loves you and you love him, then you might consider having a child with him ?... Or is your baby fever going to prevail and make you accept a less than desirable ,less than compatible partner , as long as he is willing to get you pregnant ? ... Hopefully not, but you sound so gung-ho about this second chid that there IS clearly this risk.
Calm down, don't fret, and allow yourself the time to chose wisely. You can afford to do that since anyway, again, you DO have a family already and it's worth to enlarge it only if you happen to meet a man who can also add love, care and joy to it, not only a new baby !
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (23 January 2012):
 Calm down! You are not even 30 yet! You are still young, and still have plenty of time to meet a man, get married and have children.
I am 28, not married and have no children. I dont even have a boyfriend. Am I also in danger of my time running out?
It concerns me that you say this "What if I just dont meet the one to have a family with" - you do already have a daughter, you already do have a family, even if it is not how you dreamed it to be. There are many people who cannot have children at all. Be careful, this need to have a child with a new man could make your daughter feel uncomfortable. How does she fit into your needs?
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 I hate to sayit but your whole letter reeks of desperation. I know you've got a bodyclock but you have to slow down and smell the roses. you won't find the right man with your attitude. when I was married my wife had a baby at 43 so you've got time. join social groups and get to understand men before you get involved. they're not going to respond well unless you slow down.
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