A
male
age
36-40,
*ammasterjosh
writes:Right here goes. I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 years. My girlfriend is Thai so she lives in Thailand and I live in Australia. I visit her quite frequently and when I can and we speak at least 3 times a day. The problem is she's nearly 40 and I'm 24. But I do love her a lot. My family who I'm very close to, hate this relationship which at times gets me down. They think she cheats on me etc. stereotyping. But they have never met her or spoken to her. Now here's the problem. My sister has introduced to one of her friends. We're the same age we both have a good job etc etc. We have been in contact since we met and I've decided to take her out, just being friendly. It feels pretty gut renching when I think I'm going behind my girlfriends back. I want to pursue with this girl because we get on so well but I love my girlfriend and don't have the heart to split with her. Agony aunts you've given me great advice before. Please help me!!
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male
reader, jammasterjosh +, writes (16 February 2012):
jammasterjosh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers! I've got some thinking to do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): No, this IS about the age gap, too. The OP says "The problem is she's nearly 40 and I'm 24." So even the OP knows the age gap is an issue in this relationship.I'm certain a large part of the reason the OP's family dislikes the relationship isn't the distance, but the age gap. At 24 the OP is still a very young man. He has yet to experience many things in life. He may still be thinking about things like whether he wants to have children. He likely doesn't have enough dating experience to even know what characteristics he needs or wants in a potential mate.At 40, the woman is virtually old enough to be this guy's mother. She has a very limited window to bear children, if that's something he's thinking about. Also, she likely has a lot more experience, in dating and in life, giving her an advantage in the relationship.Now, the distance is also an issue. LDR's aren't for everyone. The lack of daily physical contact would be a deal breaker for me, but I know some can make relationships like this work. Still, 3 years is an awfully long time to dedicate to someone and still be that far apart, geographically speaking.To me, it appears this relationship has run its course. The OP has found an age appropriate love interest, who is local. It's difficult to say goodbye, but the time has come to end the 3 year relationship and give the budding new one a chance.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Always end one relationship before you start another.
You know what to do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Ok this is NOT about the age gap… this is about the distance… Lets clear that up first of all…
As a woman who just finished an AGLDR (age gapped long distance relationship) by having my now fiancé move in with me I feel I can address these issues,…. My fiance is thirteen years younger than I am…we were two hours apart by car and spent the first year with separate addresses although after June we were together more than we were apart…
1. This is not about your girlfriend’s age but rather that she’s too far away for too long now to sustain a long term permanent relationship. Unless ONE of you plans to move shortly, there is no sense in continuing this relationship. I know this is lousy to hear but unless you plan to end the LDR part of this relationship there is no sense in continuing it.
Therefore, I suggest you figure out if you can move to the GF since I am betting that she has the more secure set up and situation (A home a job etc) while you are still probably living with the family….
IF you are not able to move and the GF cannot move to you within a reasonable amount of time (under a year you guys have been at this for 3 years now) then I strongly suggest you end it with the girlfriend then then see what happens with the local girl..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): forget the fact that your girlfriend lives in Thailand - at the end of the day she is your girlfriend, which means you see no other girls. i myself have been cheated on and i can say that it was the worst, most heartbreaking experience in my life and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. do not cross the line, if i was you i wouldnt even take this other girl out as that is giving her the chance to tempt you into straying from your girlfriend.
you need to decide whether a LDR is what you still want, if it is then stay faithful and true to her. if it isnt, then you need to break things off before you start taking other girls out!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2012):
 A LDR doesn't work long term in the sense that sooner or later, you will have to decide to do something about it or give it up.
Do you see yourself with your LDR GF long term and actually in the same country? I mean you have "dated" for 3 years, you got to have some idea of what you are thinking about your future with her?
And also, you have to decide what you want from a relationship. What you have right now is more like a companionship in some ways. But physically are you both satisfied with it?
IF you feel going out with this other girl is cheating on your GF, you should have long hard think and talk with your GF.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Well you have to be realistic and logical now - what do you want from a relationship? I.e. do you want to get married, have children, live with the person you love etc? Therefore do you see your relationship needs, and your future dreams, being met by your older girlfriend?
Because chances are she will not be able to have children due to her age, she might be ok for another 2 years or so but will you be ready so soon to be a father? Will she move to Austrailia? Would you move to Thailand?
If she can meet your relationship needs but it requires you to move quickly (i.e. become a dad sooner than you wanted, move to be with her etc) or to give up something then the next question is 'is it worth it'? Or is she worth it? Is the love strong enough to overcome the issues?
Or do you want an easier ride with someone closer to your own age? You have to think about getting older too - when you are 30 she will be around the age of 55, do you really see yourself as a young man in the prime of his life aged 30 with a woman old enough to be a grandmother?
Forget about the other girl for a second - there will be plenty of other girls in your country close to your own age, that is not the issue. The issue here is whether your love is strong enough to overcome the 2 massive issues you face - the distance and the age difference. If neither of you are willing to move - well it will never work out. You cannot have a serious relationship when you only get to visit each other every now and then, eventually one of you would need to move to be with the other person. If you want different things from life - i.e. kids, marriage, growing old with someone (rather than simply being a young man with an old woman), again its not going to work.
Love is great - but compatibility and matching future aspirations are more important. So decide whether this LDR with the older woman is going to give you what from your life - and then you have your answer whether or not you should break up with her or not.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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