A
female
age
30-35,
*ngel2007
writes:I have been having a relationship with a guy for two years and it's pretty serious upto the point of marriage.I want to go abroad for higher studies but he doesn't like it. He agreed to it reluctantly but he told me once that he loves me less because of this. I don't know whether he was serious or not. And I am really hurt that he said that. He is a really nice guy and is very caring but recently he has changed. I'm sure it's not any other girl because he still talks of marriage. But he has got a lot of responsibilities recently since his dad is abroad. Could this be the reason why he is being more firm with me? I don't want to make any mistake in choosing the ideal guy.But thinking of leaving him is also hard. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 I think he may just said these things because he's hurt and interpreting your leaving as abandoning him. tell him that you have to do this for you, but that you will always be thinking of him, and will be there for him again soon. how else has he changed towards you recently?
A
male
reader, traveler76 +, writes (7 December 2007):
If he really loves you he will understand. But it is very hard for him. How far are you going to be? Is it possible to see each other every month?
You can also make him feel secure telling him you will call him every night.
Either way I think he is afraid that you will go away and leave him, so if you really care about him explain that you have to do it to improve yourself and that he will be on your mind.
Hope it helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I dont like the word 'firm'. He is your bf and should respect your wishes. He is just scared incase you run off with someone else when you get abroad. If you have a long and deep and meaningful relationship then it will survive the distance, if not, then just pack him in now. It is your future and dont change your path just because he isnt happy with it. I did that when i was 16 and have always regretted it. I wanted to do a lot of things and the bf who became my husband wouldnt let me do anything. Like a fool i listened to him and he turned out to be a possessive wife beater. I am not saying that he is that but just be warned from me, you dont deserve to put your life on STOP because of anyone. Do for it and if it ends, well you will go through the pain, but you will be doing what you want and not what he tells you to do.
Be strong and take care
xx
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Breaking up isn't always the answer to troubled relationships, and it shouldn't be.
My assessment of the problem is this, he loves you dearly but is very afraid that he might lose you one day due to you moving away for your studies, to the point that his insecurities start to show (by him telling you that he'll love you lesser if you decide to go). In a way he doesn't want any change in the relationship, because he realises that change can sometimes jeopardise relationships. In his mind, he also feels that you have 'chosen' your studies over him, which of course is not true. He might also be slightly envious that you have the chance to go abroad, when he has to stay back home alone. So you see, there are so many factors that could've made him say the hurtful things he's said.
Now, the way I see it, this is definitely something rectifiable, in fact with a little support, he might even learn to see things your way! Basically, try to reassure him that you will always love him no matter what. Try to downplay your excitement, tell him that sometimes you dont feel like going, but because you want to build a future for the both of you, you have to go. Make him realise that you aren't choosing anything. He loves you and you love him is what matters most, don't let something trivial like this ruin what might become of the relationship. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (7 December 2007):
Your bf isnt being more 'firm' with you...thats a understatement! Hes being abusive it seems. No one says they will love you less for going after your dreams, for geting a education and building bridges to a brighter future with so many more career opportunities. If you love somoene, you want all that for them! What he said hurt you and you have every right to be upset.
You say that he is a caring person but recently has changed. I think this is just his true colours showing. Often peoples true colours show after a while and perhaps he just isnt truly a caring and loving person like you thoguht he was? My advice to you is to leave him, you deserve so much more! You deserve a bf who wants you to strive for all your dreams. You deserve a bf who is caring and loving all the time, not one who 'changes' after a while.
I highly doubt this situation will get any better. Leave him now before it gets worst...
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