A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if I should give a relationship a go with this guy I've been dating for a bit. He really says he likes me and wants to make the commitment to a relationship. However, I am unsure. I feel like he doesnt respect me. I feel like hes very insensitive to my feelings at times. I really like him, but I can just see myself geting hurt so easily if I was to be in a relationship with him. I mean, its already hurting me alot now. I dont know if I could put up with it long term.I just dont know if I should give him a go or not. My only two bfs ive had before were both very abusive to me in pretty much everyway- emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually. They didnt treat me 100% at the start of my relationships with them, however I gave them both chances, thinking it wouldnt be too bad. But it only got worst and worst as each day went past. Im afraid this will happen with this guy. Am i just judging him based on whats happenedi n my past? or am i right in fearing that if he disrespects me now and can be insensitive to my feelings, that it will probably only get worst? I told this guy how i feel, and he says im just being insecure and lack self confidence. But seriously, how am i supposed to feel when he lacks respect for me and is insensitive? Do I risk it and give him a go?
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Sorry ... the link I meant to give was this:
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/in-abusive-relationships-abusers.html
Duh! I blame my fingers for not synchronizing with my brain!
(right, blame it on something else than myself)
LOL
Cat
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (5 March 2009):
You need to be learn to identify the difference between a healthy and toxic intimate relationship The word "toxic" indicates something that is "addictive" as well as "impaired judgement".
I could be wrong (and if I were, itr would not be the first time LOL), you were somewhat led to believe that "a little bit of abusive behaviour" is okay, while "violently or hurtfully abusing behaviour" is not okay. This is what drug addicts alcoholics say.
So first things first. Before you decide to go further into the relationship that you have in mind with this person, who you said is already showing signs of disrespect toward you, you need to do these things:
(1) Educate yourself on how to identify abusers, either by reading articles online, or by going to the local library, or going to a women crisis center. You might think you have no business going to a crisis center, or shelter for abused women, but believe me, there is nothing they would like to see better than talk to a person who wants to learn how to avoid abuse and violence against themselves! Early detection (i.e. preventative measures) is always better than damage control (i.e. curative).
I found this link that I thought is very informative:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-give-it-a-go-with.html
(2) Learn how to love, respect and empower yourself, so that you can stand up to your man, and show them that you want respect and love, and disrespect and abuse masked as love.
If in the process of this self respect and empowerment, you discovered that you had made some mistakes in the past, you need to also learn to forgive yourself.
Furthermore, once you become enlightened on violence against women (be it physical, emotional/psychological/mental and verbal abuse), I hope you will be able to not only help yourself stronger, but become an advocate for all forms of violence against women.
Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not attracted to the bad boy type. My two ex bfs were very smart, intelligent, well respected, catholic people. They had a "nerd" image. They didnt have a bad boy image at all. People of all types do that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Your choice of men are utterly crap, sorry to say. Most men in this world are not so abusive. To end up with three people in a row like that must mean, I'm guessing, you're attracted to the bad boy type - or are easily swayed by their 'sweet talk' to keep falling for one of them. In either case, you're just not being very intelligent.
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