A
female
age
26-29,
*arahbeara23
writes:My boyfriend and i habe been together for 2.5years.. In our time together ive caught him talking to/ getting pics from at least 10 different women. Hes not a terrible boyfriend.. He can be a jerk and a child at times but i do still love him..I wanna give him one more chance but i also dont.He says hes willing to go thru therapy with me and hell stop everything and spend more time with me but its not the first time hes said all that and it doesnt happen (besides the therapy. Hes never agreed to it before when ive suggested it)and i just dont know what to di anymore.. Opinions? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2019): Oh, I forgot about the therapy part.
Therapy for what? Did he tell you cheating is some kind of mental-health disorder?
Did he give you some lame excuse about how he can't help himself?
Here's my diagnosis. He's got womanizia, or Imadick Disorder.
He's got a run-away penis! There's a cure for that.
Walking-papers.
Therapy?!! Girlfriend...seriously?!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2019): 1. "In our time together ive caught him talking to/ getting pics from at least 10 different women."
At least 10, huh? I guess a few got-away?
2. "He can be a jerk and a child at times..."
He's a disposable boyfriend. Good for up to 2.5 years; then you kick him to the curb. He's defective, he has a cheater-gene.
So you like a two-in-one guy? Both a man and a child. A man-boy!!! Which one comes-out the most?
Which one deserves another chance?
For the record, how many chances does a jerk deserve?
You gave us the proverbial disclaimer: "...but i do still love him.."
Once that disclaimer appears in a post, he's not going anywhere.
Therefore, give him another chance to break your lovely little heart.
So lets consider the odds. There's a 3 to 1 chance he will break your heart.
Will it be the cheater, the jerk, or the child?
My money is on the cheater!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 January 2019):
 A critical mistake that people make in relationships is thinking or trying to change their partner. People change because they WANT to, not because someone WANTS them to. There is a huge difference.
Your guy doesn't want to change. Why should he? You keep taking him back and letting him get away with the same crimes again and again. Why would he change??
Little personal story for you. I was married to an alcoholic. He wasnt one when we married but after 15 years he became one. I put up with it for 2 years. I begged, pleaded, tried to intervene and he gave me every promise in the books that he would change, he would stop...etc..etc...
Then one night after a bad confrontation the truth came out. His words were "I don't have a drinking problem, YOU have a problem with ME drinking." It hit me like a ton of bricks. He liked drinking and it meant more to him than me, the kids, the house, the job...
I booked an airline ticket, packed my bags and walked out of his life. I never looked back. I finally knew I was defeated. For 2 years (thats when he started drinking) I had tried to change him.ENOUGH! 15 years he is a very sick abusive alcoholic, probably very close to dying. WHY? Because he does't want to change.
Long story short...GET OUT. Your man isn't going to change. I wouldn't waste your time on therapy...you might as well flush the money down the toilet.
Save yourself years of tears and heartache..accept the guy for what he is, not what you want him to be, not what you think he could be.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 January 2019):
 The definition of madness: doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results.
Enough said. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2019):
 I agree with FA.
You know he has done this in the past at LEAST 10 times. He will also promise you ANYTHING he think you want to hear and I think he knows that you will give him chance after chance after chance.. because THAT is what you have done before. Why should this time be any different?
What will therapy do for someone who KNOWS damned well that he is HURTING you by chasing other women and getting pictures from then? Therapy is not a cure. It's TOOL for self-discovery and self realization and self-improvement.
The reason he is saying yes to therapy is because he knows it will likely NOT really happen. That he will be real sweet for a while and you will forget about it.
I think you are being unrealistic here. Therapy will not give him some GREAT epiphany to stop getting talking/pictures from other women. He does it because he CAN and he WANTS to. And he has gotten away with it for the past 2 1/2 years with you.
It's a pattern, OP. And if he is 2 1/2 years haven't decided to STOP doing it, therapy isn't going to change that AT ALL.
If it were me? I'd end it, block him and walk away. YOU can't CHANGE someone else to suit you. He doesn't really think he has to change. If he did, he wouldn't have dome this over and over at least 10 times.
You CAN waste more time on this guy, if you so chose. But you can also say, no. I'm not waste time OR money (on therapy) when I know this will happen again, and again.
Up to you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 January 2019):
 Ten chances or eleven, it doesn't make much difference at this point. He is pretty sure you will take him back no matter what he does.
What you need to do is to disabuse him of that notion by leaving. Now you have already given him terms of reconciliation, so you should be obligated to wait until he fails those terms. When it happens, or if it happens, that you catch him with another, then you have to walk. You have to give him reason to believe that you will not put up with this again.
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