A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im 22 i can get any girl i want i've been with more than 8 girls i did every thing with them but sex, i just get so nervous when it comes to sex most of the time i get orgasm during the oral sex and it last for a minute, or some times i cant just get it up becasue i get nervous, and lately im dating a girl that im stating to fall in love with, and i trid 3 times with her i couldn;t and i had to make ecxuse, i dont want to lose her, i want to give her really good romantic time, but im scard same thing happns again how can i last longer with full reection
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female
reader, les +, writes (16 May 2008):
Your putting too much pressure on yourself. When my bf and I started having sex (he's not experience at all, I think he just had one or two awkward one night stands before me), he was so shy and nervous, I, as the girl, kind of had to pressure him.
The first couple of times I didnt last very long. Seriously, there were a couple of times early on when he was turned on and I wanted to go down on him, and just him realizing what I was about to do was enought to make him go. Now that he's comfortable with me, sometimes it stays up too long.
A few tips for you from my experience with him:
1. Alcohol helps. It makes you relaxed and not think about it.
2. I dont know if this is true for guys in general or just for him, but we always have several rounds. He tends to go very quickly on the first one (really quickly, sometimes in 1-2 min if he hasnt seen me for a while), the second one is usually a lot longer. So its okay if you go, as long as you keep getting it back up, its okay.
3. There is actually a lot of stuff written on this topic about helping men last longer and gain control, so maybe you should do some academic research. He has told me that he def needs to concentrate hard after a certain point to keep going.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Talk to her and i am sure she will understand. I am a female and i know how it can be for some blokes. Are you trying too hard, just relax and let things happen naturally and i am sure she will not dump you just because of this and if she does, then mate, she bloody well isnt for you and you deserve better. Try and relax.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 PeterPan is pretty much spot on - you're worrying too much about pleasing her. Relax and just let it happen, rather than dwelling on it.
Also, don't go thinking that this girl will leave you /just/ because you've had a couple of issues with performance anxiety. If you like one another that much then it's not much of an issue. Sex is a perk of a relationship - not the whole of it.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (16 May 2008):
 You've got a serious case of "performance anxiety" -- you're working yourself up by worrying if you're going to perform or not.
That's the problem... the solution is to relax some more. Simple solution is to relax and enjoy as much as you can without getting worried, concerned, scared... all that negativity. If you envision yourself succeeding in pleasing your GF, then you can build that mental image of it. Focus on that...
...and if that doesn't work, when I was your age, a few (no more than 2) shots of vodka calmed me down enough to get through the "opening night jitters" I had. Key point here is relax. Concentrate on having fun, not performing!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): You have performance anxiety, just get it through your head it's not a performance, and you'll do better. The more pressure you put on yourself to preform, the worse you'll do. Every time you try too hard, you'll be reminded of previous times in which you couldn't get it up, and it just snowballs (worse and worse). You're insecure about something, you're scared you'll lose her because you can't give her a good time in bed but... if she likes you enough, she's not judging you based on your performance anyway, she liked you without the sex, so anything you do is bonus. You've no where to go but up (no pun intended) but I think this is the mindset you need, lol. It's just sex man, no worries; for you, it's probably better to just focus on giving yoruself a good time, rather than having sex just to please somebody. When you do get it up, and you will eventually, and you want ot last longer, just slow your breathing down, clear your head, and don't clench your muscles so hard. Relax. Then once you do that, just keep on going. LOL, best of luck man.
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