A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:How do you train a man to be more respectful towards women? My b/f of 3 yrs. blows hot and cold constantly. One minute he's all, 'ooh baby you're the best thing that ever happened to me...' and the next minute he's yelling at me over something trivial, calling me all kinds of horrible names. My emotions feel like they're always on a roller-coaster. I know he loves me but I get sick of his meltdowns and the way he talks to me when he's freaking out about something. Why can't he see this pattern and have the ability to stop it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Men are like chameleons and they can change colours and into anything you want when they are chasing after you.
But once when they have captured their preys,
you will have to live with their true colours.
In love, everything is possible.
But without love, everything is impossible.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): I disagree about trying to change men. (Women - how well do you think it would work for your man to try to "mold" YOU to what he wants?)
Thinking you can ever change a man is a great way to waste your life with someone who you knew was wrong for you the first day.
Punish yourself this way if you want to, but you knew the deal going in. Don't blame the man for creating the bad situation later just because you've changed what you will tolerate.
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A
female
reader, diva girl  +, writes (17 May 2008):
my boyfriend does the same thing. just tell him hoe you feel about it and if he loves you he will understand. if he doesn't liten then you shouldn't be with him anyway! good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
Where can you find the perfect man or God like creatures ?
If men cannot be learners ,then many women may remain single
and never married unless they want to live in the caves .LOL!
Don't insult men.
Men don't come in your size and shape,
they need to be moulded and shaped to your needs.
They are like fresh grapes, you need to stomped on them to make them into fine wines.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
Tell him your limits and boundaries .
If he loves you , he will respect you.
If he does not , then he is not worth your time and attention.
Use the carrot and the stick approach if you think he is teachable or can be trained.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): And neither are women. That's why she keeps taking him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): You can't. You take him as he is or you leave. Men aren't learners.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): When he's in a good mood, try talking to him about the effect this has on you and see if you can find some way forward. Ask him maybe how he would feel if you were the same way. See what troubles him and see if you can help.
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A
male
reader, Ventor  +, writes (16 May 2008):
I don’t thing you can really train a man to be respectful towards women...they either are or they aren't. I think how they have been treated in past relationships, affects the amount of respect men hold towards women (whether they gain it or lose it).
For example, I've seen a mate of mine who treated past partners like queens, but these past partners messed him around, taking advantage of his respect. Causing the boy to lose all respect for women, now he's the worse boyfriend anyone could hope for...people don’t really realise what they have until they lose it.
So either do as TWIST OF FATE suggests, or try talking to him to see if he has gone through the same as my mate.
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (16 May 2008):
You cant train or force a guy, (or anyone really) to respect people and in particular you. However what you CAN do is expect respect and if you arent given it, then dont allow them to continue disrespecting you. That means, leave the situation and the person. If they think they cant get away with it, they will continue. So you have to make it clear that you just wont accept that behaviour. A decent person who wants a good gf, will change, but someone who enjoys abusing others wont. They will make excuses and justify there actions by saying things like 'i was just so angry ok, arent i allowed to be angry???'. Yes they are allowed to be angry, but they arent allowed to verbally abuse somoene.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (16 May 2008):
 I don't actually know that you can "train" him to be generally more respectful. It seems to me you are or your aren't. The first related question that pops in my mind is if he behaves like this to friends... family... the average joe in the street? If so, then he was just raised by baboons and he may never learn how to behave in social circles.
The other thought that comes to mind is if he's ac/dc like this all the time, then why are you trying to fix him when there's got to be better men to choose from out there in the wide world? In other words, why are you still putting up with the offensive, abusive behavior when you simply deserved to be treated with respect? As we say here in the States, "I think it's time for you to trade up".
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