A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is gonna sound really wierd but, I had an abortion when I was 15 by a guy 10 years my senior(which I was unaware of by the way) and he obviously didn't love me like he said cz not only did he force me to get the procedure done he left me at the clinic all alone and I had to take a cab home(luckily I had my wallet on me and not in his car) a few days after he contacted me and told me that he loved me and he just panicked etc, blah blah blah blah blah. But the thing is now im in a relationship and I am madly in love with my boyfriend of 16months, whose my highschool sweetheart by the way, my family and friends love him, etc he's amazing. I know he loves but sometimes I think about what would he do if he was the one that got me pregnant when I was 15. I know this sounds wierd but sometimes I want him to get me pregnant just so I can see what would happen. I don't believe in abortion especially not if someone got pregnant on purpose. What's wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): Well I think it's normal for someone to have a "what if" in their head about important events from their past. I think what you're looking for is some affirmation that your boyfriend truly loves you, unlike the guy who got you pregnant who only said he loved you. This is also a normal supposition. Being hurt tends to make people want to take whatever precation they can against it happening again, the problem is that if you go around doubting I find that you can miss out on great things because you're not letting anyone in. Don't get pregnant, it's a bad way to test this. What you need to do is trust him. You can't do any more than that. If he truly loves you time will tell. Also, even if he does love you, you getting pregnant on purpose might cause him to re-evaluate the relationship. A baby (whether you go through with having it or not) can screw up both your lives if you aren't ready for it. He might be so frightened by this that it'll surpass how he feels about you. Trust him, he's been with you 16 months and according to you he loves you a lot. You're deep enough into things that you can afford to close your eyes and let what's going to happen happen. Trying to force tests of your love is a sure-fire way to lose him.
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Hi, I don;t think there is something 'wrong' with you, but given what you went through at a very young age (I am sorry)it is not surprising for it to have played some role in shaping how you are in relationships today. I'm not a psychologist, but it sounds like you have some abandonment issues, and difficulty believing you can trust a guy not to hurt you. Have you ever considered talking with a therapist? To talk about the abortion and how you feel about it now, how you feel about yourself, the guy you were with then etc, then to talk about how all this is impacting on the way you view your current man and help you to see that he is not the same as that ex. I really think this would be helpful for you. It certainly couldn't hurt! You obviously have some insight into your insecurities from what you wrote in your post - and talking it through with a neutral person might be just what you need.
Good luck.
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