| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I need to have some advice on how you get over someone. Have poeple out there had experiences of being really into someone and then it all turning to Sh*t and then not being able to get over them? I have been trying to get over my guy for TWO years!! I see him every now and then and it really devestates me when I see him with someone else because I get so sad that he didnt put that energy into me. My self esteem was really low after being with him as he wasn't always the nicest/ most considerate guy. I feel like I will never love someone/ find someone like him and I still have strong (yet confusing) feelings for him. I was quite hurt by him. Can anyone out there give me advice on what they did to get over some one? Thank-you.
View related questions:
my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): well i 'd say it time you forgot about him and moved on.his not worth it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2006): I am in similar situation and found a great guy to hang out with (NO SEX) just great friends for the past 4 months and I just about never think of the EX..STAY BUSY, VOLUNTEER and start thinking about helping others and less of yourself and things will get better soon! Good Luck, do not waste another day thinking of him he is not for you. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): I'm shocked by how similar your situation is to mine! I try very hard to put things in perspective and think how far he is/was from any picture I had of a partner. It is very confusing for that reason - I didn't really like him yet I still 'want' him. After a while I manage to reason with my emotions, then a day later I'll bump into him at a common place we go to and then suddenly I'm back to square one. I can't really avoid him, which seems to be what works, so I don't how I'm supposed to stop this cycle.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): Dear, I am so sorry about your pain. Your ex bf was not a nice man because any man who tears you from the inside out, causing you low self esteem, self doubts is a man, all women can do without. You do know, this is not how most men are and this is not what you deserved. You are worthy of a more, healthier, kinder, compassionate love. Sadly, your ex bf's love came at a heavy price to you---your confidence, your worthiness, your self-value. One should never, ever 'justify' the pain he caused you-so never doubt yourself. Be happy you are rid of him. And never fear the alternative and that is-gaining the insight and strength to go it alone. Don’t ever let how he treated you, determine how you feel about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you. There is no choice here, hun-you need to go on-you have to give yourself closure and it will take a ton of strength, courage and hard work.
Time does help ease the discomfort of relationship loss. Sometimes, it takes quite a while for some people, to feel better. The best thing you can do is avoid your ex bf because seeing him is only serving to increase your misery, over the long run. You aren't gaining anything positive or happy by hanging on. What you are losing is the chance to move on with your life and find happiness in other ways. You need to look out for your own emotional health, now.
Two years of grieving, is a long time so I would suggest you see your family doctor about seeking some counselling to help you deal with your grief, dear. I'm concerned your loneliness and despair may turn into depression, if it hasn't already.
Take your feelings of confusion and turn them into feelings of strength and resolve. Your confused feelings are keeping you stuck and alone. Do not use loneliness to drive you to make poor choices that will affect the rest of your life-please remember, you are a unique gift to this world. Never forget that. Take care, dear and stay strong and start believing in yourself again.
Hugs, Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (21 November 2005):
Im afraid you wont ever fully get over him until you see him again for one last time. Face it,he wasnt as perfect as you have made him out to be in your mind and dreams and you should now set up a meeting to gossip about old times. The moment you meet, I promise, he will be a mega turn off and you will wonder what you had been hankering for these past two years.he treated you like a door mat and hurt you badly and you are still letting him kick-ass from a distance. Stop! Fix up that meeting (thats if he responds to your email or text) and take it from there. No! you wont melt when you see him. In fact, those hairy nostrils and dog breath will suddenly remind you that he aint as perfect as you have built him up to be in your dreams.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): You mentioned that he wasn't particularly nice/considerate toward you when you were together, so what exactly is it that keeps you holding onto him? You didn;t mention how old you are...by chance was he a first love? First loves are often the hardest to get over. It is possible that in hindsight you may bave built the relationship up to be greater than what it actually was. At theend of any relationship, especially when is a long-term relationship, an inevitable feeling of loss is experienced (both the loss of the partner AND a loss of the time dedecated to the relationship that just ended (which the brain often transposes into feeling the loss of the partner, even though the relationship may not have ben healthy in the first place. In order to adequately answer your question, it would be necessary to know the reason for and terms of the breakup, because what happened throughout and toward the finality of the relationship would provide critical information as to why you have the feelings that you still hold onto.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): out of sight out of mind. Dont look for someone like him if he really wasnt that great look for a guy with your ex's weak points his strong points, maybe just have a few fings a bit of fun to cheer you up!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): Hello, You REALLY need to get over this guy aye!! You'll feel so good when you do- as things like seeing him with other girls wont matter cos you'll be wit your own cool guy anyway so you wont care! But it may take a while. just try not to see him. after a while you will laugh at whatever you saw in him!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, not again +, writes (21 November 2005):
Time heals but I think you need to try to not see him- as distance heals to, and without it the wound will keep re opening.I know that itl be hard but itll be worth it in the long run. Good luck!!
...............................
|
