A
female
age
30-35,
*orn_about_love
writes:I have been friends with my bf Ryan since we were like 5 yrs old. He asked me out on my first date a few days after my 16th bday and we have been together ever since. (WE ARE BOTH 20 NOW). We had a great relationship and just as much as best friends as we are bf and gf. About 2 months ago I started talking to this guy online just as friends, and things started getting difficult. Ryans behaviour was different with me an he was kinda distant and I was spending more time online. A few weeks ago Ryan and I got into a huge fight at a party because I was drunk and he told me to go home because he didnt want to babysit me, I was really upset and told the guy online about it and he told me not to waste my time on Ryan. I kinda felt guilty about spending so much time talking to this guy and getting some what personal with each other that I told Ryan one morning when we were out jogging. He got really upset and called me a whore and said "I should just go fuck the guy since thats all I was good for anyways was sex" I was really hurt by it and that was the end of our relationship or so I thought. Ryan is best friends with my twin brother and started coming back over to our house and has been sucking up big time. telling me he was really sorry, and he didnt mean what he said and that I hurt him so he wanted to hurt me back. I tried to put distance between us so I could have time to think but I really love him and want to make things better, but just when I thought I could forgive him, I find out the same day we broke up he slept with another girl and has been doing cocaine for the last couple of months. I know that him doing drugs doesnt justify what he said but it does make sense in why his behavoiur has changed. Every time I talk to the guy online he tells me Ryan is a jerk and an asshole etc, and it really upsets me. I want to forgive Ryan but at he same time I dont know if our relationship is as bad as the online guy says it is. Should I try and make things work with the guy I love.
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best friend, broke up, drugs, drunk, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): What do you expect? Of course this "online guy" is going to speak negative about your current boyfriend--HE WANTS YOU. Honestly, I don't think either of you are relationship material at this point. When things aren't going the way you would like in your relationship with Ryan, instead of talking it out, you go and find comfort in another man and Ryan does drugs and sleeps with another woman. Forgiving him was a great thing, yet and still, there are serious drugs involved---you need to really think long, hard and deep about this situation before allowing it to go any further.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Relationships are between two people, and by letting this online guy know very personal details about your relationship, you've let him into it. That's not fair to your boyfriend, so of course he's going to be upset. You're listening to someone you've never even met, rather than Ryan. Is a stranger more important than the guy you love? You need to think about what you're sharing with the guy online and set some boundaries, otherwise things won't get better.
Ryan needs to know that you are going to make these changes for him, and hopefully he'll be willing to work on it too, and his drug habits will change. Give him that chance, since he's willing to give it to you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 December 2009):
There are two problems here.
One, you and your online guy have been getting closer, and this has had an effect on your boyfriend. He obviously is worried that you have got closer to this online guy.
Two, the cocaine your boyfriend is now taking. They have altered his behaviour. To top it off, the same day he broke with you, he slept with someone else.
Both these issues have made your relationship crash. I think first of all, if you want to get him back, you need to make it clear he must get off the drugs, and you will need to give him time to do it, and he will have to prove himself. That means that if he agrees, take it slow so you don't get dragged into a bigger mess. As for this online guy, your boyfriend has made it clear that he is a threat. Don't cut him out of your life (you are entitled to friends), but make sure that you spend more time on your relationship.
Before anything else though, if you want to give your boyfriend another chance, you have to make it clear you won't tolerate drugs.
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