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I want to find my niece to apologize. I have no expectations, only hope. She was disowned by my sister 11 years ago, and I regret not helping her then.

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

Dear Aunts and Uncles, im not sure this is the type of relationship this site caters for but im hoping for some outside advice.

My sister and myself were raised strict roman catholic, we both married into catholic families and raised our own families as strict catholics. My sister had one daughter and she was everything my sister and her husband hoped for. She was beautiful, highly intelligent, athletic, compassionate, caring and an all round talent. Everything she did she did incredibly well, she finished high school with eleven A* and continued to an all girls sixth form college. During her second term at this school my niece was caught half naked kissing a female teacher. She was expelled from the school and my sister and her husband disowned her.

They ordered her from the family home with only what she could carry, my niece was 17 at the time. She came to me for help and im ashamed to say i let her down. I was always afraid of my sister i was a coward and instead of offering shelter i gave her £1,500 and asked to leave. She left and that was the last i heard or saw of her. My sister and her husband no longer acknowledge they have a daughter, any evidence she existed has been removed from the house, her younger brother has no idea he has a sister.

This all happened 11 years ago it is my nieces 28th birthday next week. I thought i saw her yesterday i was having lunch with a friend, a woman walked past the cafe and looked exactly how i imagine my niece would look, she looked at me and i thought i saw recognition in her eyes but i think i was imagining it. It made me realise i want to find my niece if only to apologize, i have no expectations only hope. What do you think? Ive never spoken with anyone about this before. Am i mad? will she forgive me? please help.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (20 May 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntI am dittoing what A Capella wrote, I'm really proud of your desire to try to locate your niece and extend some family ties towards her. Although you could have done a bit more and are having guilt about not having taken her in, you did give her financial support, which is far more than her Mother and Father did. AND I am judging them. I don't care if this goes against any of the teachings of any church, that child did not deserve to be treated that way by her own parents. You are doing the right thing! I'm sorry if this sounds patronizing, but I'm proud of you. I would think that she would still welcome any contact considering that you did help her out - but only time will tell. Good Luck and God Bless!

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A female reader, A Cappella United States +, writes (20 May 2008):

A Cappella agony auntThe hard part will be finding her. You could start by "googling" her (look her name up on Google). She might have a profile of some kind on MySpace or Facebook, or even just on Yahoo! or gmail.

Whether she forgives you is up to her, and she may not. But you have to give her that opportunity. If you don't ask, she can't say yes, right?

Good luck. Your heart is (finally) in the right place, and I am proud of you.

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