A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It started with me gaining a couple of stone in weight, really. With that, my confidence hit the floor and for a while I didn't do anything about my weight. Then - about a month and a half ago, I started a diet and fitness regime ... lower calorie intake teamed with a 30 min-a-day cardio workout. I have seen a little difference but my confidence is still rock bottom, and it's hit hardest on my fiance and I's sex life. I can't bear the sight of myself naked, and the very few times we've got passionate, I've caught a glimpse of myself and had to stop it, then promptly burst into tears. I can't bear him touching me because I can't understand why he would want to. I hate the very sight of myself and we haven't had sex in probably 3 months now. I want to enjoy lovemaking with him, but my body gets in the way. I love him so much and he deserves a lot better than this. He's told me he'll wait, but I don't want him to have to. Our love life was so good, but it's ground to a halt, all because I can't stand my horrible, pasty, flabby body.I don't know what to do, besides see a doctor. But I need help.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Well it sounds like you are doing all the right things so I'm sure you will start seeing results soon! Try and keep the calorie intake closer to 1500, when you are exercising it isnt a good idea to have any less than 1300-1500 a day otherwise you will end up doing more damage than good! I've lost faith so many times with my weight loss, especially when I get stuck at a certain weight for a couple of weeks like I am now! But I know even when I have a bad day and eat something I shouldnt, if I just go to the gym or go out for a run then I wont have put any weight on the next day which is a bonus (although getting sweaty in public isnt much fun lol).
When I asked why you put on weight, I was more wondering the reasons behind your eating? So do you have any ideas why you started to eat more and late at night? I am a big big believer that weight gain is normally triggered by something that happens in your personal life, sort of like comfort eating to deal with a certain problem. And often the weight wont shift until you tackle that problem.
But if your not happy to talk about that on here then not to worry! good luck with your weight loss and just be patient, your hard work will pay off!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionk_c100, that is sound diet advice.
To answer your question, I know exactly why I put on weight: because I ate more and I ate late at night so everything I'd eaten was just converting to fat.
I should mention that I'm also working my muscles out as well as the cardio, improving the lean muscle mass so that my metabolism raises. I am also working out to a sweat and a raised heartbeat (mmm, yummy). Have also reduced my calories from 2000 to inbetween 1000 and 1500 per day, and I feel I'm just playing the waiting game now. I know that if I persist with this I'll see good results but sometimes I lose faith because it isn't happening quickly enough. But then again, if it was happening quickly, it would be more dangerous. Swings and roundabouts, really!
I love to make my own food, and when I do I like to make things from scratch. I'm also fond of salads, too - I could happily eat a bowl at once. *lol*
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 August 2009):
Ok well I dont think you are depressed -this is just a confidence crisis! A very important question is though - why did you put on weight? If you could answer that then I will be able to help you further!I was in a similar situation to you - when I was living with my now ex-boyfriend, I put on 2 stone. I went to the doctors and had every test done known to man to try and find out why I was putting on weight and not losing any (when I thought I was trying really hard). The reality was there was nothing medically wrong with me, I was eating because I was unhappy in my relationship (he was a horrible guy basically). Now I'm not saying you are unhappy with your boyfriend; but there will be a reason in your personal life linked to the weight gain (if you are the sort of person that eats when they are unhappy).By the sounds of it you have made a good start by changing your lifestyle, but you are making the common mistakes that most women make when they want to lose weight - they think cardio and low-calorie diet will do the trick, but unfortunately if you carry on with that you will be waiting a lifetime to lose the weight!I think in your case you have 2 options that will work for you - 1. join a weight loss club like slimming world or weight watchers. This does work and you will lose weight, but it is difficult to follow at times. The second option is what I have used to lose over a stone (I still have 1 more stone to go!). I have put myself onto a no processed food diet and exercise using weights more than cardio. Here are some tips which I use to lose weight:1 Make everything from scratch. No more processed food! So dont have anything out of a jar, frozen food, ready meals (even the low cal variety).....they all contain chemicals and additives that will make you bloated and stop you from losing weight. Some of the meals I eat include homemade chili con carne (very easy and portions can be frozen), homemade spaghetti carbonara (sauce made with an egg and low fat creme fraiche) and also grilled fish (salmon or tuna) with a salad and low fat salad dressing. Its all pretty normal food but made all at home with nothing added to it that I dont know about!!2. Cut out white food (apart from milk). So no more white bread, no more white rice, no white pasta, no more potatoes (they are one of the worst foods for you!). If it is white then it has been processed and all the goodness taken away from it, so eat the wholemeal/wholegrain version instead. 3. Eat less carbs! I dont believe in cutting out any food group because this is bad for you, but eating less carbs definately helps with weight loss. So try and have carbs with breakfast and lunch, and if you can go without them at dinner then great! 4. Drink more water (or low-sugar cordials). Dehydration will not help you to lose any weight so drink as much as you can throughout the day. 5. Do weights! I dont know if you have joined a gym or workout at home, but either way you wont lose any weight if you just do cardio. Weights are so important, muscle burns more calories at rest than fat does therefore the higher muscle content in your body, the more calories you will burn just by sitting and doing nothing! Doing weights first before cardio burns the glycogen in your body so when you get to do your cardio, you are purely burning fat. The weights will give your body shape and definition, and make sure that when you do lose the weight you wont end up with saggy skin. If you dont use a gym where an instructor can show you the best weights to do, then try this website www.womenshealthmag.com which is brilliant for its workouts using weights that you can do at home. Argos stock a wide range of weights to suit all budgets, I reccomend you buy some dumbells that are about 2kg each (or 1kg if you have a low upper body strength). I hope that has given you some ideas of what you can do to step up your weight loss! Remember if you are exercising you need to actually eat a bit more for energy, otherwise your body will go into starvation mode! And please if you do anything, invest in the weights! You need to be doing about 1/2 an hour of weights and 1/2 an hour of cardio per workout (try and workout 3-4 times a week) to get maximum results.You have to accept that your body is the way it is at the moment, and you are trying your best to change it at the moment so be proud of that! Your boyfriend loves you for who you are, not the shape of your body. And you love him, and you are attracted to him so put your fears about your body aside and enjoy sex. Bigger people still enjoy sex, it is not about the size of your body it is about being intimate with someone you love and enjoy that passion between you both. Men enjoy sex all the time, I dont think your boyfriend will be worrying about your weight at the time! He will be wanting to enjoy himself, and wanting you to enjoy it too. You might not enjoy it as much as you used to but you cant stop having sex - that is a slippy slope to losing your boyfriend. Men will put up with a lot in a relationship but one thing they do care about is sex - if they are not getting it then they will soon become unhappy. Even if you have to keep a t-shirt on or something during sex just try and forget about your weight.I understand how hard it is, and it is a horrible feeling when someone is touching your fat bits and all you can think of is "oh my god he has just touched my stomach/thighs/bum, that must have felt so gross to him". But I found that I could put those thoughts to one side because at the time I wanted to please my boyfriend, therefore getting over my issues were the only way to do this!I guess all you can do is try and get the sex back in your relationship to keep your boyfriend happy while you try your hardest to lose the weight. You have made steps in the right direction so just carry on and you will see the results eventually. Losing weight is a long and drawn out process, and it takes a lot of patience. But eventually if you stayed focused you will get down to your goal weight.I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): your right a visit to the doctor would be of help. Due to the fact that you sound very depressed.
I also recomend having sex with the lights off. I did this when my weight went up but, I was dating a jerk who made sure I knew that i gained weight... So maybe this will help you not focus on the weight and focus on your partner.
I understand you are going through changes.. (all women have been there) and since you cant just FFW through time and weight goals you have to deal with them.
You should know that, your partner will love you no matter if you gain weight or not. and the fact that you have one who will love you (and says so) even if you gain weight is a great gift.
Sweetie, this is weight... not forever.
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