A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - hope you can help. I'm 31 and am so worried as I want to emigrate to Australia this year (asap) and have done lots of research and made plans but I have not told my family. I have hinted how nice it would be to live there after I visited the place last year but my Mother got tears in her eyes at just the thought of it so I left it alone and have not brought it up since. My parents would talk me out of it (probably for their own reasons to be honest). Now months have gone by and I know I need to say something but I think I will hurt them. They hate flying and are mature in years and it is so unlikely they will come and visit. They don't get on well with my sister but I feel like I cannot carry them all any more and so desperately want a happier life for myself. I am concerned that the shock, hurt and upset I will be yet another blow to them and also make me feel so guilty when I do emigrate that it will ruin the whole experience. It seems silly to be so 'scared' of my decisions at my age but its a big step. I also feel like I have been secretive and dishonest by not telling them of my plans and this will upset them too. Soemtimes I get resentful that other people can do these kind of things without a care in the world but I seem to put barriers in my own way! How do I overcome this hurdle it is making me feel ill. Many thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Hi,
I lived in the U.K for 10 years, managed to make it back to Australia on three occasions in that whole time.
Such is life, the only reason you feel so guilty is your mother has put you in this position. I have met so many people on my travels with parents who don't want their children to leave the nest.
Trust me, you have to look out for yourself for once, don't let your mother bully you into staying, you will just be miserable. She will just have to learn to deal with it, like millions of mothers whose children have emigrated before her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): You 31 and a grown up person! This may sound cold & heartless but your parents are not going to be around for ever and you need to lead your own life no matter what!
I've seen so many young lives ruined by people who are afraid to "Cut the apron strings" so to say and fly the parents nest! If you don't go now you will stay at home and regret this decision for the rest of your life! And in turn resent your parents in the meantime!!!
Go now while you are young enough to enjoy your life! I'm sure parents will understand! With travel & flights so cheap now adays compared to when your parents were young there's no need for them to worry about never seeing you again!
What are you waiting for? Get going and please don't feel guilt or let your parents make you feel guilty either about going!!!
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A
male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Hey, I'm 31
American, and currently live in Spain. Its difficult for my family, though I see them whenever I have at least 2 weeks vacation. the thing is...your 31!!!
an adult. You have to act fearlessly and live your life. Of course you'll worry about your family, their health, etc... a good friend of mine, an american too, living in amsterdam, lost his dad 2 months ago. Its hard, but you can't live your life in fear, you simply have to fullfill your destiny.
I can tell you, there are times when I'm afraid, when I feel tremendously alone, but atleast you'd be going to a country where there wont be a problem with language so...it should be easier. And its essential that you learn to live independantly. BE FEARLESS. and you'll be OK. And your parents will be OK too.
They need to learn how to deal with it aswell. Tell them you'll get skype
and contact them via computer regularly. But in anycase they too need to learn how to deal with you not being around. It seems to me that the healthiest thing for you to do is really get some distance.
Take care, good luck
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A
male
reader, emad khan +, writes (7 January 2008):
Hey, I'm 31
American, and currently live in Spain. Its difficult for my family, though I see them whenever I have at least 2 weeks vacation. the thing is...your 31!!!
an adult. You have to act fearlessly and live your life. Of course you'll worry about your family, their health, etc... a good friend of mine, an american too, living in amsterdam, lost his dad 2 months ago. Its hard, but you can't live your life in fear, you simply have to fullfill your destiny.
I can tell you, there are times when I'm afraid, when I feel tremendously alone, but atleast you'd be going to a country where there wont be a problem with language so...it should be easier. And its essential that you learn to live independantly. BE FEARLESS. and you'll be OK. Take care
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