A
male
age
30-35,
*leh
writes:Hey... Never done this before, asking people I don't know for help =P don't really know how to start... Sorry.Anyways, I'm 16 and have had girlfriends before - though not from my school. The reason being, the embarrassment if I'm told "no" which spreads like wildfire. There's this girl who I like. And have liked on and off for a while now. Recently I've been talking to her quite a lot - some of it quite flirty. The problem is, I can't tell if she really does like me or is just being... well... flirty. We always tell each other our problems and stuff, what's getting us down and things like that. We have different friend groups and go to different parties from each other - though from what I can tell I think she wants me to go to some that she goes to.I've given her some hints (rather subtle) and I think she's responded... But I'm not entirely sure.Weirdly, I hooked her up with a boyfriend about a year ago, which she was eternally grateful for and I think still is. Since then she's been messed about by a couple of guys and seems to want to get into a nicer relationship with someone who'll treat her better (I'm hoping that's me).Now I'm sure from reading that a lot of people will go "DO IT!" but I'm not sure I want to. You see, I had another situation like this again about a year ago. I had a really good friend and we talked every day for ages. I asked her out and 3 days later she said no. I lost her as a friend and the gossip spread... So I'm trying to weigh up whether I should sit on my feelings and stay friends or try and turn it into something more... To be honest, I'd rather be 100% sure she'll stay as my friend and things won't be awkward between us.Am I reading too much into it? Or is she sending me clear signs and I'm blind?
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male
reader, Pleh +, writes (21 November 2010):
Pleh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody, particularly the second response.
I think that's what I was heading for anyways one way or another. But my problem is, what if
a) I get deadlocked in the "friend zone"?
b) She decides I haven't made any moves so don't like her, so she'll move on.
I know she's been messed about by guys in the past - which is I guess why I have feelings for her now. I've been in some very good relationships which meant the world to me - I want to show her how great it can be, and that all guys aren't total a**holes. To be honest, I just want her to be happy.
P.S. I only hooked her up with a guy because I wasn't into her then and that was what they both really wanted - but were too nervous to do it themselves.
Again, thanks for all the replies.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I know what you`re saying because I go threw the same thing when I like someone. What I`d do is to ask them randomly If they`d ever go out with me not sayin that I like them or anything. Then if they say yeah then say that you would like to go out with them but if not then I`d say I was just wandering but yeah you`re right we`re better off as friends. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I know what you`re saying because I go threw the same thing when I like someone. What I`d do is to ask them randomly If they`d ever go out with me not sayin that I like them or anything. Then if they say yeah then say that you would like to go out with them but if not then I`d say I was just wandering but yeah you`re right we`re better off as friends. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): yes, as soon as it changes from friend to 'i want something more' and the other party just wants to be friends the dynamic changes.
Continue to be her friend. But say nothing about those feelings, at this point. I say this because clearly your peers can be mean. But you can get to know her better, and stay under the radar. Keep Building trust with her.
Love meant to be can always handle waiting or a delay. Impatience can ruin a good thing before it hardly starts.
1: love can evolve from friendship, but please be patient. There is plenty of time. Continue to be her rock. Allow it to develop in a platonic setting. Keep flirting and smile when she flirts with you. But do not push it with inappropriate touching. You will learn more about her and grow closer just by being together talking.
2:Continue to listen to her, she is very comfortable with you. She likes you as a friend. If she is interested she will eventually say or do somthing that will 'show her hand' if she wants more than just friendship.
3: don't hook her up with any guys (sends wrong message: that you don't want her for you, romanticly)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): ummmm, well sounds to me you really value youer friendship with her but if you're really close friends you telling her how you feel shouldn't change anything. yes you may feel arkward if she doesn't feel the same way but it will pass if that's the case as all things do. I still say always say how u feel because life is too shoet to keep hidden feelings. as far as if you're blind to how she feels to you only she knows that because no one can possibly know for sure how another person feels unless they tell you..so it's a risk but it always is...if you really want her ...simply tell her!!! deal with the effects later
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