A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do men always lose interest in me after two months? I dated three men for two months each and suddenly, at the two month point they cool way off. Communication drops, they stop making plans, and we just stop talking. I do my part. I don't over do it and I don't do too little. I let them chase and initiate but I reciprocate as well. I don't overthink of draw conclusions. I give them a chance to prove me wrong before I cross them off the list as lost interest. I state what I'm looking for and do my part in communicating. So i don't get it. Is there something wrong with me that I can't pinpoint? I should mention all three relationships were not exclusive and I do not have sex until exclusive. Although this was not explicitly stated but very much implied. All of them were incredibly patient and respectful as well. Am I looking for the wrong men? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 June 2016):
Why??? Your bad dates may actually be very good for you. :)))
You see, the wrong kind of men believe love is stored between a woman's legs. If you are not willing to hand out the stored love fast enough for them, well, it's time to move on to a more giving fool.
Nothing wrong with you...Actually, everything right with you. :))) A man flirting sexually is good. A man expecting sex Because he flirted with you...bad.
You may simply be a woman they realized they cannot push over easily, and they lose interest...very good :)
3 guys is not 3,000 guys. There are billions of us out there...and hunting season is always open in those woods. :))) Happy Hunting :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2016): well women in their teens and early twenties have the upper hand in dating. but at your stage guys can afford dating for a few months then moving on to the next gal. where as when u were younger u could do the same and flake on guys. if u want things to change u will have to put marriage as part of the future on the table and see who sticks around
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2016): I am the poster. Thank you all for the advice so far, it's incredibly helpful.
Honeypie, to answer your questions. I met all three on dating sites, two from OKC and one from CMB.
All three men messaged me first. They asked me out and asked for the first few dates. I do message men first on dating apps but I somehow end up not meeting those. All three men are similar career wise, they run businesses, although personality does vary.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2016):
 You have had a run-in with 3 guys who were not a good match. Maybe they were dating multiple women and thus giving LESS to each girl.
While they MAY have seemed like incredibly patient and respectful, you barely know them. 2 months is not a long time to get to know someone. It's still scratching the surface.
It's impossible to say you OR they "do" anything wrong from the little you write.
It can be that you picked guy who weren't REALLY looking for long term so after 2 months they felt they had to let you go. No sex till being exclusive is (I think) a GOOD standard to keep - however, IF the weren't looking for something serious... no sex means no instant gratification, it means they HAVE to put in work, effort, emotions they MAY not be willing to do. I would NOT change that standard.
It can be they felt like you didn't "give" much in return or "open" up enough.
I have to ask WHERE did you met these guy? It can be the "venue" that just isn't good for you and for what you want. Let's say you met them on Tindr (which is more of a hook up app than a serious dating app)
And lastly... you say you let them... chase you. Do they "pick" you too? Or do YOU actively approach guys YOU are interested in? Because it isn't the first (them picking you) then maybe you don't really have as much in common as you had hoped/thought.
Don't be bummed out. But DO try and change it up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2016): Oh, sweetie, you shouldn't blame yourself. There may be some things you do that attribute to it, but most of the time; they're avoiding commitment. If you give them sex too soon, they'll get their fill, and move-on before you sink your hooks into them.
You also have to consider the types. If you tend to date guys that are too similar; you're likely to get the same results.
You can't make a guy stay, just because you're doing all the right things. You both have to be on the same page. He has to have it in his mind he wants a committed-relationship. If you're not on the same page, it all cools and he moves on. If you're on a manhunt, you're getting desperate. Don't compare your life to that of other females. They've got boyfriends, husbands, and/or kids. So now you feel pressured.
Some things we do without being conscious of it. We may want something so bad, that we either go overboard trying to please the other person; or set higher expectations than they are able to fulfill. Guys will take flight when they know you're laying out all the traps for a committed relationship. They see the red-flags. Texting all the time, pouting when they don't respond or call, giving-in to their every desire at the snap of their fingers. They know something is up, because you're too good to be true.
You have to be real, and be your true self at all times. You do have boundaries and expectations; and they should be apparent. Whether they like them or not.
You just haven't met a guy who is ready for a commitment. Learn to date and enjoy different personality types to broaden your tastes and learn something more about what guys can be like. Different guys, not just a guy who always fits a mold of what you think you like. Often that means you choose similar looking.acting guys trying to replace someone that left you. You're trying to correct a past failure, or on a mission for closure. A bad breakup will put you on that path. Undo the mindset. It's frustrating and unhealthy.
If nothing comes of dating, it isn't failure. It means he just wanted to go out with you and wanted to enjoy your company. So slow down when it comes to attaching your feelings. Stop craving after a committed relationship, that turns every date into a mission. You should enjoy yourself, while evaluating and learning something about various male-types. Then without notice, the guy you hoped for shows up. You haven't suffered in waiting, you've only prepared for his arrival. You're young, stop feeling rushed about the future. That's why you feel as you do.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (26 June 2016):
 I don't think the number 3 is enough to say that men, in general, all do this to you. The thing is, when you take things slow, there are always other women who do it fast and snatched up your guy. Maybe they work out or maybe they won't. I don't see why men shouldn't be patient and respectful. They only act the way you want to see. It's not that hard to put on a show. With another woman they act accordingly.
Dating is trial and period. Maybe you come across as cautious, calculated and mechanical. Maybe your reciprocation came off as drip feeding and baiting, not natural and sensuous. Being careful and taking it slow is fine, but it must not be done in a way that you shut off your femininity and vulnerability.
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